Hi, I'll try and keep this short but it's a long story. DD had a baby with useless dad who is not interested at all, asked if we would help and support but I never thought beyond going to school, didn't think we would still be so hands on at 6! GD is gorgeous but very wilful (gypsy blood from her father's side DD reckons) and has become very difficult to deal with sometimes. We've always done a lot, washing and ironing, most meals, etc. They even lived with us for nearly three years. Now moved a mile away but the house is still in a mess, can't afford to finish yet. DD works 20/30 miles away as a headmistress, a recent move (previous job was further away!) which is very very stressful and long hours so can't manage without us.
DD drops her off each morning to be fed, dressed and taken to school and we pick her up each afternoon and they eat with us more often than not. The house is not finished, she's just had a cooker installed but she gets home so tired and late, they eat rubbish if not our meals. It isn't what we envisaged for our retirement, we have an apartment in Portugal that we'd like to go to more often but our breaks are dictated by school.
The trouble is this child. I love her to bits but even her mum says she's hard work. It seems to be me mostly she has a problem with. I try and deal with her as I did my children but it just doesn't work! She disobeys, argues, won't be told. I do all the positive stuff, of course, but she bristles in my company. DD says I'm not the mum, I should let her get away with a lot and just not say anything but it's so difficult. It's now reached the point where DD hasn't come anywhere near for a couple of days, taking her to a teacher's house before breakfast club and asking an acquaintance to pick her up (there isn't anyone else long term). I can't stop crying because I think this is driving a wedge between me and DD, who is so stressed and making it worse for our relationship with GD. I'm at a loss to know what to do. Any experiences or advice please?
