Are you a subversive grandma?

Oh, I see that careof123 did check with the parents and they were ok with some differences at her house. So that's all right then.

If mum and dad are worried about caffeine, that needs to be respected. It's about their child's health, not just some arbitrary rule. Would I want to drink just water and milk? No. But I'm not a kid. Iv already been "spoiled" with other drinks, lol! Kids don't know the difference if we don't give them other drinks to start with.

But if gc is already used to having a spot of tea at granny's house, then she already knows about other drinks. A spot of tea now and then probably won't hurt her, anyhow. But I would check with the parents to make sure it's ok.

Greenfinch your post made me pause and wonder if I felt differently about an example like this to following my dd's rules about diet etc. In actual fact, this particular example wouldn't be an issue between us. I can't think of anything that I don't agree with her on except the appropriate terminology for the dgc's genitals - I don't like the word she uses, but use it with them whilst inwardly cringeing . Overall, I think she's a much much better mother than I ever was and her 'rules' are sensible, well thought through and based on a deep love for her DC - it would be very wrong of me to disrespect them behind her back

Grannypiper That's the spirit - quite agree!

My house my rules, if the parents dont like it then they shouldnt ask me to have the DGC whilst they have nights away. Simples

Our nine year old autistic grandson creeps into our bed in the middle of the night. He is not allowed to do this in his own home but there is no way we are going to send him back to his room as if not wanted.Fortunately he understands that different rules apply in different places.

But no, I wouldn't only want water to drink - in fact it's just about time for a g and t.t.Cheers

Water and milk - and if it's what children are used to, it's not a problem.

"And the alternative is not sugary squash or fruit juice"

Water is so miserable. I wouldnt want to have only water to drink, would you?

Mair - yes , there is some consensus that too much caffeine might not be good for children. And the alternative is not sugary squash or fruit juice. But either way, we should respect the views of our DC - it's very wrong to flout their rules and to do so is unacceptable.

My 7 year old always has a cup of tea when she stays at mine even though at home mummy and daddy dont let her have one.

Goodness is tea now considered harmful?

When mine were young I thought it desirable to get them drinking tea asap (though never did that toddler tea thing half milk) , far better than sugary squash or fruit juice.

Stick to their rules but said if I disagreed I would say - would be devastated to cause them to be annoyed with me. More rules at our house. Granddaughter slept in a cot here because we have 2 dogs, needs to sit at the table for meals until we are all finished, drinks kept on the table and reins when we go out. At the beginning not to use the word 'no' - that's stopped now! Unfortunately I did use it and granddaughter used to sing it - no, no, noooo in fits of laughter. Parents couldn't understand where she got it from. No biscuits or chocolate at the beginning. Some rules seem to apply to me only as I find out they have given up - like dummy being restricted.

No, I would never deliberately go against my DD's & SIL's rules! Not even in my own house. This is especially true when it comes to food because you never know how sugar or whatever affects a child, which may be the reason for the rule. My house, sure, but their kids! Ok, I may have caved once or twice and allowed an extra snack, but that's all. No major, "You can do this here if you want to!" or "What happens at Granny's stays at Granny's" for this family!

TV and tablets banned? Treats and biscuits rules in their home? My house my rules. Tea with chocolate biscuits for us.

We've never been given rules to stick to with the DGC, but know how they are being raised and try to do what their parents would do, on the whole. We do treat them though, but would never keep anything secret. They're not denied TV/sugar, but aren't used to a lot of either of them.

Which is why we probably shouldn't have allowed DGS2 to choose that giant sour blueberry bubblegum flavour snake for his treat when we took him to Leeds Christmas Market last week. To anyone impeded on The Headrow by a 3 year old flinging his arms wide and bellowing "Santa's Coming" when he heard an ambulance siren, my apologies He then started burbling about yellow monkeys...

I'm not given any particular rules when I babysit though my DIL sometimes asks me to do something specific, like checking spellings or reading, or hair washing.
However, I do remember my MIL stuffing my DS with sweets when he was only a baby and just before a meal. I'd tell her he could only have a few sweets and after the meal only but she thought I was mean so ignored me. Hence, if I was asked to follow particular rules, I'd be inclined to do so. If I thought they were unreasonable, I'd query them.

Sorry - posted before I wanted and can't see how to edit.
I might say to the parents: it's nice to treat DGD - if she completes her homework/tasks etc. when she's with me, I think it would be fun to watch XXX with her'.

I did have a friend who was a lot stricter on hygiene / manners than her own children. On one occasion, she asked her son (who had come to collect his daughter) if he wanted a snack. The little girl said 'I wouldn't bother, you have to wash your hands & sit at the table'!!

I too worry about the 'secrecy'.
We have, as most families do, a bit of leniency, but it is the kind 'sanctioned' by parents.
If you have the GCs one day a week, one weekend a month, something like that, then a cake, a TV programme, a slightly late bedtime should be fun & 'okayed' by parents even if they 'pretend' to be shocked. We have a trip tothe local bakery to choose a treat, and wonder if everyone is going to be good enough to be allowed it (including GPs & parents!)
But if you have them several times a week, you can't bend the rules too much or it becomes the norm and is hard for parents. Also you need to be on the same page about which rules can be 'stretched' and which really can't be broken.
An aunt once allowed my 8 year old to watch an 18 film 'because censorship is stupid' and we had anxieties for weeks because he really couldn't process some of the stuff he had seen. I was grateful that he was able to talk about it to us, but that felt so different from maybe sitting with him to watch a PG or 12.

Humbertbear Can you explain to me why your son and Dil are living in the dark ages? No TV or tablets in the week! no squash or chocolate muffins, it's sounds almost Dickensian.
It won't be long before that 11yr old is a teenager and quiet possibly the first chance she gets to rebel, she will, big time,
When the dgc were younger ( they are 7&10 now) they would always ask us for a taste of our alcoholic drinks. We always said, yes, there you go. Of course they would sputter and pull a face. It's a long time now since they've asked to try it.

Swanny When my mobile rings with a call vs text from mum, I rush to turn down the volume on Peppa Pig (can't help myself)

Yorkshiregel At 18mos DGD can shake head and say 'no', without being nasty or anything, like if she doesn't want anymore food. I know it will be a while before she says please and thank you, but how do I get her to say 'yes' when she wants something?

We clap and say YES now when she does something right, like picking out the toy we ask her to get, or figures something out. She now says 'uh-oh' for something that really is an accident, or she's made a poo in her nappy. Before that uh-oh was when she'd chuck something on the floor to see if we'd pick it up. That is sooooo familiar from down the years with my niece and nephews.

My DDs expect me to 'break the rules' sometimes because that's what grandmas do. But they also know I won't go OTT.

That said I have taught my eldest DGC to do refresher burps but then I also taught my DDs how to do them so I'm just taking it to the next generation lol.

You can buy the Grandparents poster in various sizes from the website Zazzle.co.uk Definitely agree with the sentiments on this poster. As a child I loved my Granny dearly and have very fond memories of special time with her and my Auntie who made me feel loved and safe.

The most subversive thing I've ever done was to give my grandson a vuvuzela (remember the racket those made when the World Cup was held in South Africa?). However that subversion backfired on me because he didn't have enough puff to blow it and it sank without trace.

Its anything goes at DDs house. Sweets and rubbishy food galore and all the TVs on at once. Both DGSs are plugged into I pads.
Its good food here or no treat, TV only on CBeebies and only at certain times and with one of us watching it with them. Otherwise its walks to the playground, board games and stories stories stories. No cheek permitted and actually not seen. Gratifyingly they seem to love being here and we love it and them too. It must show but in a different way from their home.

Thankfully none of our DC impose any rules on what we do/give/buy/feed our DCG,
Result, happiness all round.