Sharing family with ex over Christmas

Luckylegs yes I did broach after their being together about 3 years. My DS told me that was the deal when they got together.

Our DSs told us one Christmas that from then on Christmas would be 'for the children' so they wouldn't want to be away from home. Instead, they put up a nearby hotel usually the weekend before and we do something together. This year it's the Polar Express experience this coming weekend.

Though this will no doubt be delightful, I do envy those of you who get to actually see your family at Christmas. The more so as we know they see the Dils' parents. There isn't even the alternate year option for us. We grin and bear it and make sure we're doing something with friends on Christmas Day, but it isn't like being part of a family gathering.

Sparkly Grandma. Have you never broached the subject with your son and dil, I wonder if they think you may not be too bothered. However, it seems a lot of families have a sil or dil who think their family take priority and don't to give thought to those alone.
Maggie, your Christmas Day sounds lovely and you will be enjoying the company of your friends. Do hope you manage to get back with your daughter soon, as these things don't get better left.

How lucky you are, maggie273, to have as many as 10 single friends. All my friends are in couples except for 1, and she lives a long way away plus has a big family to spend CD with, so I am definitely the odd one out. It makes such a difference without a partner. I'm very lucky to have a daughter and 3 grandchildren, and a son, but daughter is taking the children abroad for Christmas, and I will only be able to have a flying visit to my son on CD.

I have spent Boxing Day until the beginning of January alone every year because they are always busy seeing their friends, and that's fine ... I've got used to it and plan ahead, making sure I have plenty of good books, a couple of good DVDs in case there's nothing on TV I want to watch, and I shall hunker down and enjoy my pets' company. I'd rather be doing that than be miserable in the company of my ex husband as I was for very many Christmases.

How lucky you are, Maggie273, to have as many as 10 single friends. All my friends are in couples except for 1, and she lives a long way away plus has a big family to spend CD with, so I am definitely the odd one out. It makes such a difference without a partner. I'm very lucky to have a daughter and 3 grandchildren, and a son, but daughter is taking the children abroad for Christmas, and I will only be able to have a flying visit to my son on CD.

I have spent Boxing Day until the beginning of January alone every year because they are always busy seeing their friends, and that's fine ... I've got used to it and plan ahead, making sure I have plenty of good books, a couple of good DVDs in case there's nothing on TV I want to watch, and I shall hunker down and enjoy my pets' company. I'd rather be doing that than be miserable in the company of my ex husband as I was for very many Christmases.

Everyone sharing in a bit of family at Christmas, please do appreciate your good fortune. My only child my DS got married 11 years ago and from the start my DiL made it plain that Christmas would be with her family. So I haven't seen DS DiL or DG at Christmas in that time. I used to get invited for a day at the end of January but no more.

I enjoy Christmas by going to church spending it with old friends and maybe one brother will pop in for an hour over Christmas. Its sad but I make the most of enjoying myself, cooking dinner for sometimes others who spend it alone - this year an old schoolfriend who is widowed and has lost his mother who he had come to rely on is driving over for lunch.

I do sometimes wonder what the DiL parents think - do they ever think that its wierd that they get every Christmas with the GC?

Lets all count our blessings!

I consider myself a very lucky woman as I see all my family regularly. This Christmas, however, I shall be alone, as they are all going to the other in-laws. The whole mob will descend on me again come the 27th, so I am happy to have a quiet and peaceful couple of days to myself, though it will be lovely to have a houseful when they all come back.

I shall spend Christmas day, and possibly Boxing day as well, eating nice things and possibly drinking a few sherries. I shall put my feet up and relax when I can, although I expect I shall be getting ready for the onslaught come Boxing Day night!

Whatever the family situation, we should all spare a thought for ourselves, and ensure that we have a 'merry little Christmas' even if we are not surrounded by loved ones on that particular day.

I hope none of you, or at least not too many will be feeling sad and lonely over Christmas. I hope that comfort and joy really does come to every one of us.

A few years ago my hubby and I took the decision out of our children's hands by deciding that we would go and stay in the Lake District over Christmas. We had a great time, our two children and partners did not feel under pressure to see us- as you say, it is one day.

Hunt What a great solution to a large gathering... well done!

We are doing the alternates starting this year as our DIL's family are in another country so they are going there. That's fine...next year will be our turn. At our ages as we have DGD in the week and see them often, we are happy to send them off to Oma and Opa and their respective 2nd partners. We hope to duplicate the summer gathering we had here last year at a beach cottage. Any from Germany who want to come are welcome and it worked very well.

It's not easy being in a blended/extended family... but as we get older, the long-married couples have passed on before us, so we are now 2nd partner grandparents all around.

I'm very lucky. Although my ex husband and I separated 13 years ago and we have both remarried, we all get together around Christmas time. We have such a huge family that we have to hire a village hall. Plenty of space for all the grandchildren to racket about. It such a good thing that we all get on together and the family doesn't have to be split at Christmas.

I divorced their father for domestic violence so they have no contacts with him because of that

I am very lucky as I see both daughters all over Christmas as we live very close. I have always gone over the top with Christmas since they were children and youngest daughter particularly follows suit. Adult daughters have stockings too and much planning goes into everything, we make much more of Christmas than birthdays. Grandchildren still believe in Santa which makes it even more magical. I hope you all have a great time whoever you spend it with , as I said I know how lucky I am but would hate not to see family on Christmas Day. Sil's mother chooses to spend the day with his sister who has no children and does not see her grandchildren on the day through choice. Personally I think she is mad but then I can have them to myself so wonderful as far as I'm concerned.

I divorced 2 years ago last Christmas I was lucky to spend it with my daughter and GD but unfortunately my daughter has turned against me as I had some tough times and we had a stupid argument. So I was faced with CD without anyone so I invited 10 friends round to mine who will also be on their own everyone is contributing it will be lovely. I am very sad that my daughter is not allowing me to see my GD but I have no other option

My dd and family are coming to ours this year. I said to her whatever they wanted to do was ok with me, come over, stay home, go to the in laws,I wouldn't be offended,and we'd see them at some point over Christmas.
I think there is way too much pressure about Christmas dinner and the day and who is where.And I refuse to get sucked into it.

pensionpat thank you - off to search it out. mother out law is amazing cook and I dont know her at all really - also she was one of my sporting heroines when I was a teenager so I derfinitely dont want to let the side down!!!!

Granarchist. Mary Berry has a delicious roulade recipe which I've made more than once. It's not difficult, but impressive.

You all dont no how lucky you are Were
only allowed to drop up on xmas eve, for half an hour to drop off the dgc pressies . We havent spent a xmas day with our eldest ds as his wifes pecuilar, and only ever wants her own family, and were weeded out of everything

amt101 Several years ago I spent Christmas alone and did myself the whole Christmas meal thing, even bought a bottle of sherry just to have one glass while preparing veg! I'd had to do the 600-mile round trip (by public transport) several times during the year, due to mother's illness and sister's new baby, and just couldn't face doing it again. Due to work commitments I would have had to travel north on Christmas Eve then back again on Boxing Day.

I had a good day, probably better than Mum, sister and family as judging from the phone calls I had they seemed to spend their time talking about me being lonely. I wasn't, I was relaxing

Hunt - what a lovely idea! Sounds like fun.

amt101 I can't believe that your daughter doesn't want to see you because you voted differently to her, I think that is very sad for you . My DH and I are so,lucky all the family come to us and have been for years. I know it is silly because it is really just another family day but I do love to see them all together. These days as we get older I do wonder whether we shall all be here next year, dear Sis is getting frailer by the day.

I am lucky in the respect of my DD, she has spent almost every Christmas with me although I have been divorced since 1984! (the 3 or 4 she didn't spend with me she was with a partner and they decided to wait until boxing day which was fine - I have a friend who has come every Christmas for about 30 years) My DS and wife and kids always put her family first so we fit a visit in to them on Christmas day to suit - its not a big deal. HOWEVER if I was totally on my own Christmas day I wouldn't be too happy, though I'd try not to let it show.

We do the alternate years option - one reason being that none of us think spending the Christmas period travelling the motorways is fun for anyone. This year however the 2 dd's with in laws abroad are off there and we have been invited to DD no 3 (just married) for Christmas with them and her in-laws. V scary. I feel rather old! But DD sounds v organised and I have been asked to provide bits and pieces for the main meal which will make me feel wanted and now I need a perfect recipe for a chocolate roulade!!! Her m-i-l is a brilliant cook so slight pressure to keep my end up - suggestions?????

Funny how life works out. The whole family were due to fly out to my daughter living overseas but she hasn't wanted to see me since brexit as I didn't vote her way. I'm having it on my own and have bought lots of things I enjoy eating. Not sure about doing a full Christmas meal; maybe maybe not.

Glasnost seems to have hit our family and it is now common for both myself, my DH and my ex to be invited to DDs family gatherings at the same time. All very civilised now thank goodness

We are also doing alternate years at present, one year DD1 the other DD2 and DS. How long this will go one is anybody's guess as some of the other in laws are much older and will need family around them if possible and the elder grandchildren are getting girlfriends but we have had a good run which we know we have been lucky with.