Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Relationship with grandchild

(12 Posts)
Mamie100 Mon 16-Jan-17 19:44:33

I have a beautiful granddaughter of 22 months who is our only grandchild. Since her birth I have had close contact with her and regularly care for her as she lives nearby.
She has always been relaxed and happy with me and my husband but over the past couple of months she has changed her attitude towards me and refuses to have anything to do with me. She only has to set eyes on me to scowl and tell me to go away. She is fine with her Grandfather. Her parents are both at home with her all the time as they work from home, but I used to have her for the day every week and also take her out for a couple of hours to give her parents a break. She adores her Mother , my daughter and sometimes is difficult with her Dad if they are both with her. He says she is better when he is on his own with her. At the moment I don't look after her on my own but visit and try and play or we all go out somewhere together so she doesn't fear that I will take her away from her Mum which I assume is the problem as she is so attached to her Mother. This approach has made little difference.
Has anyone else experienced this? I would appreciate some advice. I stay calm and ignore the hostility and be myself and hope that it is just a phase. It is coinciding with tantrums etc.
Thank you

Grannyben Mon 16-Jan-17 19:59:05

I've always looked after my dgs. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me but, a few months ago, that didn't stop him shouting "no grandma" every time he saw me. I think the problem was, he knew when he got to my house, mummy was going to leave him. He therefore took one look at me, shouted out and backed away. If a stranger was looking on they would think I'm about to beat him. 2 minutes later he was perfectly happy and we had the most wonderful time. Give your little one time, my GS has now grown out of it.

Av1dreader Mon 16-Jan-17 20:10:01

My eldest granddaughter was like this aged 2-3 it does hurt but try not to let it. Eventually she got over it and is now 5 and we are close. Her 2 and half year old brother is the same but I Am more chilled about it and he is getting better every visit. We live near them and usually see them every week for at least a couple of hours. I found it best not to push let the child come to you, it will get better.

J52 Mon 16-Jan-17 20:45:43

One of my DGDs cried every time she visited us ( about once a week ). This started at about 10 months and lasted about 6 months. It helped not to fuss her and let her parents attend to her needs. She eventually settled and now at 3, cries when it's time to go home!

Give her time and I'm sure she'll be you no 1 fan, soon.

Deedaa Mon 16-Jan-17 21:28:58

I think most of them go through this sort of phase. GS1 & 2 used to have a very firm hierarchy which meant that I was fine if there was no one else available, when Daddy came home I was ignored, and then when Mummy came home he was ignored. As they got older they realised that they could decide who was going to be the soft touch and would play up to that!

M0nica Mon 16-Jan-17 21:42:46

When DGS was on his feet and running, when we arrived at his house or he came to ours, I would usually be the first one he saw and I would hold out my arms to him and he would body-swerve round me to get to his grandfather and generally took little or no interest in me throughout the visit, always heading for grandpa.

He is now 6 and whichever grandparent is first at the door gets big hugs and kisses before he moves on to the other. He sits down and does things with either of us and it is clear we are equal in his affections

In other words it is a stage your DGD is going through, she will come out of it.

Mamie100 Mon 16-Jan-17 22:22:15

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit relieved. Should I back off or carry on having her for the day? Will that make things worse?

M0nica Mon 16-Jan-17 22:25:21

I would just continue as normal.

Starlady Tue 17-Jan-17 02:46:27

I think it depends on how bad the situation is. If she gets really upset when you're there, then what's the point? But if she just won't go to you and clings to her mum, then why not go along for the ride, as they say? After a while, she will probably take an interest in you again.

Starlady Tue 17-Jan-17 02:51:28

I think you're right that this is about her attachment to her mum. But I've also seen that some kids can't take being with more tan one adult at a time. Maybe they feel "outnumbered" or something, LOL! Since the dad says he does better with her when he has her on his own, that would fit.

So right now, I think you need to back off a lot. Not that you can't be around her, but don't try to get her attention or try to play with her unless she turns to you. Then when she's ready to reach out for you again, you can step up your game.

Deedaa Tue 17-Jan-17 19:41:25

GS1 and GS2 both seemed to feel that they needed at least two responsible adults to deal with all their requirements, and preferably three! Not that they would speak to the second and third placed ones, but they were supposed to be there doing things grin

Starlady Mon 23-Jan-17 11:28:26

LOL Deedaa! But some babies are the opposite. smile