Working grandson staying with us

I would certainly make him pay his way. If he travelled the world for 18 months then he must have bought food, paid for transport and accommodation etc. so can't expect a free ride now. (If he does, he should expect it from his parents, not from you.) My daughter volunteers and earns very little otherwise but pays for the food shopping for the three of us 2 weeks a month which seems equitable to us. He's getting a comfortable home with food, heating etc thrown in (and probably cooking and washing done for him) so at least 20% of earnings seems fair to me.
If he claims to be saving for a deposit etc, you could suggest he does that through you so he's not tempted to spend it on other things.

It might have been different once upon a time when youngsters only went to live with family if they were in dire straits. Nowadays of course they need to save for the day when they can afford to be independent but if they are working we are doing them no favours letting them live for free. My old aunt's grandson moved in with her fresh from university, his parents being in Cornwall and he having obtained a job in London where she lived. He paid nothing, was no company for her and at 80+ she found his odd comings and goings and use of bathroom and kitchen stressful. Then his sister moved in as well and Aunty was panic struck when she would stay out until the small hours or even stay with a friend overnight without phoning. It made her ill and I was very relieved when she got up the strength to say they would have to leave. Like many of you I was amazed their parents allowed it to happen but perhaps shouldn't have been surprised as it wasn't until her funeral that they acknowledged the friends and neighbours who enabled her to remain in her own home until the age of 92. They sold her house within weeks and I have never heard from them since.

He must contribute for his own sake if not for yours. He needs to learn that living costs money and that his earnings are not just pocket money. Martin Lewis' 'Money Facts' website forum users suggest the 50:30:20 formula. Half your income goes to living, 30 per cent to pleasure and 20 per cent is saved.

I was too lax in insisting my children helped with chores when I was working full time and had a cleaner but I made them pay £100 a week for their keep - and a good bargain it was as they saw when they looked at rents near home.

At 21 he is a grown adult. Unless there are extenuating circumstances such as an illness or some other incapacity, no one should expect to live scott free (over an extended period of time) at the expense of another, not even if it's family.

I would be surprised if my grandson didn't bring the subject up himself.

Anyone living anywhere should be expected to contribute something - I'm staggered by how many people think they can live in someone's house for free these days. The amount would have to be something you discuss together, but on principle even if it is a nominal amount he should be learning it costs money to live somewhere and that he needs to pay his way. Years ago I moved into a boyfriend's mum's house for a bit - he and his younger brother paid nothing - I got a little cleaning job for about £50 a week and went straight to his mum to work out what I could pay for my keep, and she, very generously, said I should keep a little for my personal bits, but I felt most of if should be towards my rent, food, toiletries, lifts etc - I also felt it was important that when the brothers had work they coughed up something. I hope you work something out that suits you all and that the young man starts paying his way as a man in the house as he is no longer a child in full-time education.

We've always charged our kids "Rent" once they started working full-time. When they eventually want to move out we give them the money back to put down as the deposit either on a rented house or a purchased one. It can make the difference to them becoming independent and, even if they have managed to save enough money themselves, it is a nice surprise for them.

My mum and dad simply divided all the bills three ways when my sister continued to live at home and she had to pay a third. She found her own place after two months. I am not saying you should do this but maybe start of low and adjust over the months as he gets use to paying his way and keeping to a buget. I would say £200 a week take home pay, then start at £50 and work up a bit more. Tell him if your electric and gas increase a great deal because of his useage, then you will have to adjust his contribution. It will do him the power of good and teach him the skill of paying his way, working and keeping to a budget, a skill all young people should learn

If DGS is staying with you on a temporary basis I would not ask for contribution however if long term then yes I would.

I have 2 sons living at home earning different amounts. DS1 takes home £2000 net each month and we charge him £400 per month inclusive of food, electricity (and he uses a lot) water, council tax and includes having SKy sport in his room and a very expensive internet package that get him superfast speed for gaming which we would not have ourselves. He buys his own toiletries. We have never helped him pay for training.

DS2 works on minimum wage through an agency and cannot even guarantee a full weeks work every week. He takes home about £250 net. We charge him £75 per week this includes food, toiletries, electricity (also uses a lot), water, council tax and includes Sky movies (which we never watch), he also uses internet.

If DS2 has less work so less money we reduce his contribution and sometimes if he has no work all week we give him money as he never signs on.

We take money from DS2 to make him realise the cost of living, however we have recently paid for him to do training of a lorry driving course so he can earn as much as his brother. Once he earns more his contribution will increase to match his brothers.

Your DGS needs to learn how to cope nad handle money. YANBU.

You should definitely ask for a contribution even if it is only for extra food & laundry. When I started work I had to pay my way (can't remember how much now), this did not include any food which I fancied but wasn't part of Mum's normal shopping. Washing had to be downstairs Monday morning or it didn't get done. Hand wash any of my clothes that needed it, do my own ironing, clean my room, make my bed.

When I married DH my SD was still at home, contributed to household, ironed her own uniform & changed her bed, sometimes doing her own washing. She used to sit in our large Lounge to watch Neighbours with a small electric fan heater on in her short-sleeved uniform blouse. Things changed when she moved into her own house with her OH & she realised how much the bills were, soon put a sweater on

SS & our DD also paid "board" as soon as they started working full time, worked out as a reasonable portion of their salary. They were also expected to keep their rooms tidy & put washing in their laundry baskets.

I firmly believe paying an amount towards household expenses prepares our DGC for standing on their own two feet

Goodness, why shouldnt he pay his way, nodody lives for free these days, he no doubt realises, as he has travelled for a while. It may be just a "contribution" you need to take, and as one Gran said, save a bit, and he will no doubt be grateful for a "little extra" mid month.

I don't understand why the grandson's own parents haven't had a word with him about a contribution. I would have thought it their place to bring it up first.

I certainly would if I had a dd in that situation, but I would have hoped that they wouldn't need telling. Frankly I would be a bit ashamed of them if I thought they were expecting bed and board for free.

LoobyLoo33 I think you're absolutely spot on! Well said!

First wage. Damn predict. Text

In our last year at school, we were taught how to make a budget and it was quite realistic because it included "going out " money. It always included "house keeping" too. A cheek to live at someone's and not contribute! My first-class was £5 and it was plenty. On the off occasion, when there was a dress I really liked, I wouldn't pay my mum that week and that was wrong.

Lots of good advice here, but another point is this: if you don't sort out a fair contribution you will inevitably begin to feel irritated if he goes out spending his limited funds on other things like drinking with his mates! Money matters can sour even the best relationships

You are not being unreasonable, of course he should pay towards his keep. It's only respectful for both of you. Him showing you he has respect for the fact you have him at your home and you that you treat him as an adult. I think he should pay about 20% of his monthly pay, even if it doesn't cover all outgoings.

If it's for a short time -a few months maybe just look on it as a lovely guest staying with you. Any longer say 'look darling if you are going to be staying for a while can i ask you to contribute a bit towardos your food bill?' I'm sure he will b only too pleased and maybe a little embarassed that you had to ask. Maybe his Mum needs a word???

It would have been wise to have sorted out a reasonable 'rent' before he came to stay with you but he should realise you cannot pay for his food on top of your own as a minimum. Can you sit down together and discuss it? If he really cannot afford to pay or can only pay a very little cash wise can he do jobs around the house/garden instead for you? Thinking of decorating/minor DIY, tending the garden, cleaning the car etc?

I like the idea already posted about 10% of his wages. I also like the idea of jobs around the house being given to him as a share of his contribution in case you feel you can't take what little money he earns. Wish I had asked gransnet a few years ago. From experience I would say bring up the subject without further delay before you start resenting seeing him spend his money on nights out or technology.

I have just remembered.....they all did their own laundry and made their beds etc!

What an interesting thread. When we first moved to London it happened to be around the same time that 3 of our children moved there too. My OH has always been incredibly generous to my daughter ( his step daughter but an adult when she came into his life) and she stayed with us for long periods with no thought of asking her for money. Also his sons came to stay a lot but the pattern had been set! Also their stays were erratic, sometimes 3 months, sometimes 6 months but never a fixed length of time beforehand. And they all ate out a lot. On reflection they all made very little contribution other than, and very important to us, we loved their company and they were 'glue' to our recent marriage.
If it was a straight forward arrangement for a period that you expected to be over 3 months I would agree on a contribution and, if possible, have it as a direct debit so you don't ever need to ask for it.

If you can afford it a better idea is letting him live with you for nothing on the understanding that he saves a reasonable, regular amount for his future.
Alternatively, let him think he is paying for his board and lodgings and you save the money for him in his name.

It's not something I would do. Perhaps he will contribute to your household in other ways, by doing small DIY jobs, looking after the garden or some other work you would prefer not to do or can't do now. You could suggest he pays something and save it up to give to him when he leaves. But I can't see why you would charge him unless you really need the money. Anything you save will be left to his parents anyway, so spending it on him is just cutting out the middle man. I suppose it's a lot to do with how your own parents treated you, mine never asked for money when I was with them, either when I was a student or when I was working. (My mum was inclined to borrow clothes from me when she fancied it!)

There is a lot of difference between family members staying for a night, a week, or a fortnight and those who actually take up residence and have a job. I also don't understand why it wast discussed before he came to stay. If he were staying anywhere else, he would have to pay for the privilege.
Why are so many families now 'expecting' grandparents to subsidise others through free babysitting, free school runs and free accommodation?
There is a fine line between happily helping out when you can, for free, and being totally taken for granted.