Asking for too much?

Just to add ..... Even if there was only ONE child, it is still selfish and unreasonable to expect you to provide weekend childcare on a monthly basis.
I would be very tempted to show her the responses you've received! Might just wake her up! Good luck x

I wouldn't do it myself. However I must say she is not the only one to demand such an arrangement. A lot of youngsters these days think they are 'entitled'.

Can't you come up with a plan of your own which suits both of you?

Odds on it would result in no six , if they are not careful

I think that your dd and sil are being VERY unreasonable asking for a whole weekend each month - so I think that you should stick to your guns over this.

However having read your post it is clear that only one child is your dds and the others are sils or step-gcs. You talk about wanting GD (your dds dd) to spend time with you - does this mean that you are not bothered or don't want to spend time with the step-gc? Is it possible that this differentiation between the gcs is causing problems?

I look after my daughter's 2 children for 2 whole days every week while she works - age 2 1/2 and 8 months. Another 2 days they are at nursery. I love having them but 2 whole days is my limit. (I'm late 60's). Luckily my husband helps me. Recently she asked me if I could have them for a night or two as well so she and her husband could have a break and I was very doubtful and started to feel a bit put upon. She discussed it with her husband and we have now all decided to go away together for 5 days in March, self catering with separate cabins as I like my "space". That way we all have a break and share the childcare. She and her husband will be able to have some time to themselves too, so I think that is a good compromise. You need to stand your ground and set boundaries with your daughter, otherwise you will just be walked all over. They are her children after all. She decided to have them. My mother never had any of my 3 on her own; she said "you've made your bed now lie on it".

Complicated family set up. DGD from my DD's first relationship DSD's are from her OH previous. The two DGS are from this relationship. DD and her OH we're together before SD's came to live with them because of problems with their ownDM. I have looked after them all at some point and am quite happy to do so. My DGD has been in my life since she popped into the world and has always come to stay. Only the elder DGS has asked to stay - (the 15 month gets to see me often ) and changed his mind when he knew his sister wasn't coming as well! I also had DSD1 to stay for a week when their was a problem with her behaviour at home. My DGD wasn't happy - she's never spent that long with me at a time.

Frankly I am completely stunned that anyone would think it was ok to ask this of someone in their late 60's ... !

No, plain and simple

I remember when I was a single mother of three, looking after my friend's two for a few days while she had a break with her partner. At the time I thought nothing of it, but I was in my thirties then and had lots of reserves of energy. I think our children find it hard to accept that as we get older we can no longer manage the things we used to do because those reserves of energy have been spent! Not just because we are not as able to help them as they would like but also because for them to accept that would mean they would also have to accept that they themselves will one day not be as fit and energetic as they are in their thirties and forties and that is hard to realise. (this is the first time I have posted by the way, so hope I am doing this right)

Don't do it! It was her choice to have five children, not yours. Maybe offer a ling weekend break WIth them so you can help. Had experience of this myself, five young gc in my sons family and I just couldn't manage them all in one gp so I would have them in two's every now and again and that was exhausting?p

Oh lord, don't do it, it's far too much to expect. I get tired looking after 1yr old grandson three days a week, I couldn't imagine looking after that number. When reading Gransnet I am beginning to despair over how selfish and uncaring some adult offspring are

That's outrageous a request - but also, looking after 5 children including a 15 month old, on your own, if you are not used to it, may even be very unwise.

Sounds like possibly DD needs ongoing help which might be more reasonable than weekends 'off'. And then DD and SiL will need to pay for ongoing help, if they need the load lightening?

Good luck.

Hi just read your thread and feel for you. I am a nursery nurse so I know how tiring children are. I also have my own 2 grandchildren which are 5months and 3 I have them once a month also but I can share the load with other family members. There is no way your daughter should leave 5 children with you on your own. Suppose something happened to either you or one of the children what would happen to the other children. Let your daughter sulk she will soon come around when she realises you are not backing down. Good Luck

I think she is asking a bit too much. Maybe offer to pay for a nanny in order for dd to get a break.

Well I read the OP and my jaw hit the desk! I was infuriated on your behalf retirementisgreat. But I see later in the thread that you have managed to come to some understanding with your daughter.

My advice, had you not done this, would have been to just show her this thread and the responses you received. Only two (or was it just one?) person responded positively to her request. She would then hopefully understand that her request/demand was ridiculously unreasonable.

And as for "there is no one else who can look after the children for her" - sorry but that is absolute bullshine. She could try asking the children's friends parents if they would mind looking after the children every month for a weekend so that she and her other half could "have a break". I wonder what the response would be.

Alternatively, they could employ a nanny or use someone like "Sitters" - but unfortunately, I suspect that having to pay for childcare, rather than using free care from grandparents, would make the need for a break rather less urgent.

I hope you continue to stick to your guns and not give in to this atrocious emotional blackmail. Needing a monthly break indeed!!! Pfft.

I could accept asking you maybe twice a year, but every month is just beyond the pale!

Norah, have you any idea how much childcare would cost for five children for a weekend every month?!

Yes, I know the cost. If I felt my dds needed the mini holiday I'd pay if I couldn't do the childcare. I remember how tired I got and how much I appreciated mini holidays my mum provided.

Wel, you're very fortunate if you can afford to pay around £1,000 every month for childcare - not many of us could.

I do feel fortunate, it's all perspective isn't it?

I'm sad at the state of affairs for the young, compared to when I was a mum of under 16s. I do all that I can to help my dds during their hard times.

Offer to pay for childcare???? OMG. They had the children.

If you pay for this what's the next thing they'll blackmail ask you to pay for.

When most of us were mums of under-16s we just got on with it - some of us working full-time as well! Didn't feel entitled to a 'break' every month either

Yes definitely asking too much!! especially on your own , agree with others & we are alot older than our own parents were.seems like a lot of our kids have quiet a shock at the change in life style when they have children in their late 30s & expect a little too much from their pension aged parents.

We never had a break at all....full stop, as nobody to help out apart from a baby sitting circle ( we had a night out for a meal or cinema trip now and then.)Somehow we managed to bring up three children though and lived to tell the tale!

You cannot look after 5 children single handed for a weekend.

I think if they want a weekend off on a regular basis they need to work out a plan that splits the kids up. You might for example take the 13 year old and the 15 month old if they get on together and the 13 year old enjoys 'looking after' her sibling. They then need to make other arrangements for the remaining 3.

That is just downright bullying by your daughter. You should not he made to feel guilty about the fact you don't want to do it, Grandparenting should be a pleasure not a duty. I hope you all find an amicable solution because despite the unreasonable demands it very upsetting being at odds with your children. Good luck.