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Grandparenting

Passing down family name

(133 Posts)
NewGM Tue 02-May-17 17:33:26

Traditional name, handed down for over 5 generations- over- Son named is first born a name of wife's choosing - can't help feeling of disappointment. Husband is so hurt. How do we deal? I know there is nothing we can do, but it just seems wrong. Everyone just assumed name would be after father/grandfather/great grand etc, feeling almost embarrassed - has anyone else every dealt with this issue?

Ilovecheese Tue 02-May-17 17:38:19

You have had your turn at choosing names. Time to let go. Just be thankful to have the child. "a rose by any other name..etc."
Do you also have a tradition for girls' names? or is it just for the boys.

kittylester Tue 02-May-17 17:41:03

We have a boys name on both sides which we gave to DS2 when it became obvious that no-one else was likely to. DD3 got lumbered as she sees it with the really old fashions family girls name.

By definition a handed down name is old fashioned so the child might thank them. Ours would have done!

Ana Tue 02-May-17 17:42:46

Perhaps it's time to let that tradition go - young people these days have their own ideas.

Anniebach Tue 02-May-17 17:42:50

My elder daughter has seventh generation name , when she had her first daughter they chose not to give the baby the name but did choose it as a second name , I call elder granddaughter both names, not a thing we can do but accept the parents choice

nanaK54 Tue 02-May-17 17:43:05

Congratulations on the new arrival
Hmmm - the parents get to choose the name and presumably did not want to continue with tradition - seems fair enough to me smile
Just enjoy the precious new addition to your family and please don't express your disappointment......

aggie Tue 02-May-17 17:45:32

we decided on very different from family names and had family names as second names , everyone was very cross , but 50 years later they have got over it . Sometimes it gets strange , Big John , wee John , Johnny , till no one knows who they are talking about , love the baby , be glad for a lovely grandson and DO NOT cause a rift

aggie Tue 02-May-17 17:47:30

I had three cousins with the same name , all at the same school !! tooooo confusing

TerriBull Tue 02-May-17 18:48:08

It seems somewhat unrealistic to have expectations as a grandparent in this day and age, that the mother would not want a major say in the naming of her first born. "It just seems wrong" Why? this name you want does not pertain to her side of the family "Everyone assumed that it would be named after father, grandfather etc". Maybe that's the problem it's not your prerogative as grandparents to assume that the name is a foregone conclusion just because it's been passed down for a few generations. It's her child, of course she wants a choice in what she names it, maybe she doesn't like the family name. This is the sort of post that Mumsnet would make mincemeat of, don't be tempted to wander over there asking for their thoughts.

Congratulations on the birth of your new grandchild whatever his name is.

Christinefrance Tue 02-May-17 18:55:57

I agree its down to the parents to choose the child's name. It's not that important in the grand scheme of things and certainly not worth causing a rift over.

grannypiper Tue 02-May-17 18:58:10

aggie We must be related, we have Wee John, Big john, Auld John (DD is 85 today) Wee Johnny etc. Not one of my Sons were called John.

Marydoll Tue 02-May-17 19:15:53

We have papa Jim, Big Jim and Wee Jim. We have had to change Wee Jim into Young Jim (as he is pushing 40 and didn't want to be called "wee" any more.)That was our choice to keep the family name going.
However, I too believe that it is up to the the parents to choose and not the grandparents. Just enjoy your new grandson.

aggie Tue 02-May-17 19:22:03

I was glad none of my DGC were called by my name , two have it as a second name , but I never remember which two !! blush

trisher Tue 02-May-17 19:26:10

Just let it go. The name may come back in future generations anyway. I thought I had 'different' names for my DSs but it turned out we had chosen names which had been used on one or the other side of the family years ago

phoenix Tue 02-May-17 19:32:09

Congratulations on the birth of the baby, but other than that, sorry, just get over it!

Why on earth shouldn't your son and DIL make their own choice?
Sheesh................hmm

Nannarose Tue 02-May-17 20:00:46

We have a family tradition of NOT naming anyone after a member of the family.

SparklyGrandma Tue 02-May-17 20:15:21

On both sides of my family there were traditions around boys names - broken by an aunt and uncle who moved away from John **. My brother has resumed this tradition but of course the surname is different.

I would have wanted my son to have a traditional boy family name but DH wanted first choice and sometimes its good to accept change - the child is unique and its ''own self'' after all.

I have a cousin with my first and second names - and other women in the family on that side have mine or my grandmothers first or/and second names in a variation.

Every child is unique, its up to the parents I believe.

M0nica Tue 02-May-17 20:26:40

It is entirely up to the parents. Our DGD has a version of the family name as her second name. I will tell her about the family tradition, but as I said, it is entirely the parents choice and I did and said absolutely nothing to suggest they should use it.

Daisyboots Tue 02-May-17 20:39:34

For goodness sake just be happy the baby is here safe and sound. I have always thought naming a son after his father grandfather etc is rather lacking in imagination. Everyone is entitled to name their child as they wish and it's nobody elses business. One of my DGDs has the name of my mad aunt who died before my DD was born so she didn't know. Now to cap it all my DGS has given his son her surname although he wasnt aware of her. But the names are their choices and not for me to say anything.

Izabella Tue 02-May-17 20:41:10

One of the hard lessons of being a grandparent I think. We have (and should not have) influence over decisions that are the parents own to make. As for your disappointment, you should be rejoicing in the newest addition to your family. Welcome this infant with open arms and forget your own agenda. Enjoy!

Don't allow this to cause a rift in the relationship with your DIL either. I am sure she is already feeling vulnerable having been brave enough to lead rather than follow. Many of my family are American and they seem to follow this tradition with an almost ridiculous zeal, although thankfully the younger generations are beginning to change this.

weeme56 Tue 02-May-17 20:47:29

Almost embarrassed...who to or for? The child's name is not your choice..and the child can choose to be called whatever they wish when they grow up! So sad you have let this petty little thing intrude on such a wonderful continuation of your family!

aggie Tue 02-May-17 20:53:46

Oh yes ... The Americans , my cousin married a Peter the Third , I kid you not , then she had 3 girls so the name was not carried on , such a fuss lol

junesmith11 Tue 02-May-17 20:58:16

Some peoples lives are very narrow, what more can I say, only enjoy what is left of yours before its all to late

BlueBelle Tue 02-May-17 21:00:00

Feeling embarrassed oh dear I want to say get over it but that sounds really rude but truely it's nothing to do with anyone except the parents as to what to call a baby
Love the child and stop being selfish it's not your baby you had your chance at names now its theirs be glad you ve got a great little person in your life and also NEVER presume anything in his life he may not want to be an accountant/doctor or architect either he may want to be an artist or a hippie or a musician

NfkDumpling Tue 02-May-17 21:02:46

I'm so glad we didn't have to follow my DHs traditional family name of Cecil. Luckily everyone hated it and it'd been relegated to a second name when it got to DH.