Passing down family name

For goodness sake does it really matter. The parents are entitled to chose whichever name they like. Unfortunately I am a product of names being handed down. Wouldn't wish it on anybody. However, there are worse things happening in this world.

My DH was given a christian name handed down through the generations. He hated it and was teased at school over it. When I was pregnant with DD, my FIL said he hoped if the baby was a boy we would give him the same name. My DH said definitely NOT.

My 3 children all had a difficult time producing their (mainly healthy, but all lovely) children so frankly I couldn't care less what their names are, it's not the important part of having a baby. My daughter has just had her 3rd child after a very traumatic pregnancy and we were all over the moon but she now has a pulmonary embolism and things are very difficult! Let your son and DIL enjoy their baby and don't put any obstacles in their way to mar that enjoyment.

My OH's son is expecting a baby in August and they told him that they are intending to use his (handed down) name as a middle name. He told them 'please don't, I've always hated it, it's a horrible name that's why I never use it!' It's up to them though and if they use it it's their child and their choice.

TheMaggiejane.....similar to me, DD wanted to use the second Christian names of her daughter's two Grandmas....one (not me obviously) was sadly recently deceased. I thought it was a sweet idea but said 'please do not feel you have to use mine and lumber the Granddaughter with a whole lot of extra names - just use the departed Grandma's, but they insisted and DGD has an extra Christian name....was their choice and I salute them!

It is wrong to presume every generation must do the same. That fails to recognise aspirations of each new generation. It also presupposes that there is some obligation on the future generations to comply with some unwritten arrangement.

Of much greater importance is the continued happy family. Be content that the generation now appearing will be there in the future.

We have the maiden name as middle name thing on both sides of the family. We have carried on the tradition on DH side with DH and DS having the same first two names. On tracing the tree back it seems that the branches split a few generations back and DH has a cousin with the same name. I contacted him and he has called his son something different.
DS is only 16 so only time will tell if the name carries on.
We overcome the confusion by calling them Senior and Junior.

In total agreement Craicon! Cannot believe I would have forgiven my in laws if they had had this attitude! Why on earth can't you just be grateful that you have a beautiful baby boy in your family? So many people would love to be grandparents whatever the child was called.

At the end of the day does it really matter.

After all, what's in a name. It may be 'tradition' . But getting along with

ALL the family is more important. To avoid upsetting one side of the family, or the other, choose something completely outside the box, if you know what I mean. Then both sides will be equally offended and will in time get over it! Or not, as the case may be! if they don't, their loss!!!

Tidyskatemum, I like the story of the poor girl called Donaldina! My husband, also a Scot, had an aunt called Jamesina. She was always called Essie. IMO, the name should be one decided on by the parents. We purposely chose names that no-one in our families had ever borne before.Made sense to us!

Does anyone else think the OP had a title to hand down.......or is that just me?

A happy healthy baby, what more could anyone ask?

When baby is older, he can always, if he grows up being concerned about past generations, add on the name by deed poll or choose to be known as that name.

But please don't get stuck with what is 'right' or 'wrong', which all sounds a tad precious to me.

But everyone is different, and I do hope that your husband gets over his 'hurt'. I'm sure will all love the baby despite the different name. ?

Why is your husband "so hurt"? Surely it's more important that he is remembered as a loving and supportive figure in your grandsons life than just a name on a certificate. There are many ways family traditions can be carried on ie. Christmas, Easter and birthday celebrations. My Gran and late mum would only concede to an alcoholic drink by having a sherry whilst cooking Christmas dinner, this tradition has carried on and every Christmas, I and my two DDs toast them with a Bristol Cream whilst basting the turkey every year. These little family idiosycrises are the glue of family life, not a name on a piece of paper.

I have hardly ever been called by my actual name (usually when my mother was cross with me)!
Don't concern yourself about it - just enjoy the new arrival.
Probably others in the family will be glad to use the traditional name in due course.

I too noticed that the OP has not returned.......

Can't see the problem! You have a lovely new healthy GC - what does it matter what they call him?

"Husband is so hurt" - dear dear - it is all a bit silly I think.

Sorry to be so blunt; but if you start voicing these negative views with your family you will reap some very unwanted rewards at a time when lots of good things should be in store.

No wonder she has not returned - many of these comments are very negative and hurtful. Of course he's upset - it's only natural in the circumstances. I'm sure they will both get used to it, but to tell them it's silly is a bit unkind, whatever your views.

My own feeling is that you should forget 'traditional' or family names but think positively about what you want for the child. If you christen it Baby Boo, what happens when he or she becomes a judge, or a doctor, or a person of authority? What would people think about Prime Minister Baby Boo or Judge Baby Boo - no, I don't think so.

OP-er here... first a few things- first, this was my first post ever here, I did not bookmark the thread, was just searching the internet and found this forum so I had not even had time to get back to it, I was not avoiding it or ignoring it - had no way of knowing how many or if any responses I would even get. 2nd I was not looking for any solution to my issue, obviously there is none because I know we have no control over what the parents name him, I was just looking for a little support, which apparently this forum is not really for because I have to say most of your responses were cruel. We have a very good relationship with the parents, love them to death and will love this GC also regardless of his name, just was interested if anyone had previously had this issue and how they personally handled it- not looking to be told "GET OVER IT" obviously we will, there is nothing to GET OVER, it was a matter of feelings, which most of you posters do not have. Nasty people, you really need to get a life and not troll these forums looking for places to bully people with your attitudes. Posters who were sensitive and offered actual thoughts they were appreciated. Good luck to all. Thank you for those who responded with an open heart.

How on earth is it wrong for parents to choose their own kids' names without reference to their parents and grandparents and great grandparents, etc? Also, the family tradition mentioned is only the tradition of the family of one parent. For all we know the father in question might be very happy to break the tradition and so insisted his wife do the name choosing.

I think the only embarassment you should feel is that of having unreasonable expectations about something that is none of your business.

None of this post is said unkindly, just straight down the line.

BTW, my DD and her partner gave their sons the names of one grandad and one great grandad as middle names. Out of affection for the men in question, and because they liked the names, not because of any tradition. That's a much nicer thing to do, I think.

Mind you, their not using grandfather names would not be a sign of lack of affection.

NewGM.....please re-read your original post carefully in the cold light of day and try to understand what sort of an impression it gave to us. The style and language of your OP gave many of us a certain impression, the fact that so many of us jumped to these conclusions is a testament to the way you stated your case.
There was no mention of your relationship to your children....you simply referred to your DIL as 'the wife'. As to your comment about trolling!!!! Well I am amazed.

The surest way to experience disappointment is to have expectations of other people. Acceptance is key - I agree with the others when they say that naming a child is nothing to do with anyone but the parents.
Perhaps you could ask your husband exactly why it's so important to him? My guess is that the reason(s) will be rather nebulous.
As Hamlet said to Rosencrantz "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so...."
Enjoy the new life in your family.

Nasty people, you really need to get a life and not troll these forums looking for places to bully people with your attitudes.

Trolls? Pot calling the kettle here I think .

Most of the posters on this thread are regulars on GN.

I have to say I can't understand this insistence on a family name. I know someone whose husband HAD to have a son with the same name, and that son has done the same - it's so confusing - we never know which one of the 3 she's talking about.
Parents should have a free hand in choosing names IMO, though having said that, I'm very glad dd didn't pick any of the many names I really can't stand for her two!

NewGN, I have read nothing on this thread that is trolling. In your original OP, you expressed a feeling of disappointment at the family name being dropped, which I think is shared by number of us, when it happened, but when you talk of your husband being hurt and ask how you do you deal with the disappointment, at that point you lost most of us. A twinge of disappointment, unexpressed, at a name not being used, is one thing. People being hurt and struggling to deal with such an event, seems to most of us an overreaction.

I can see that you thought your reactions were normal and you expected to get a lot of sympathy for your predicament. It is unfortunate, for you, that most of us who have faced the same problem have accepted that parents should have total freedom to name their child what they will, and we have kept any minor feelings of disappointment to ourselves because we accept that premise.

However not agreeing with you and saying so or expressing surprise at the strength of your reactions is not trolling. Everything written here has been civil and polite. Sometimes other people do not agree with us and most people understand and accept this.