DD and SIL splitting up

My husband left me with 2 small children...my parents were my rocks. They listened endlessly to my rants and dried my endless tears....I remember my father telling me that 'children are resilient' and we would make sure they were okay (and we did). His first concern was getting me back on track (and they did). I couldn't have managed without them. Just be there for your daughter....she will need you. I wish you all well...this too will pass.

Thanks harrigran always good to see that again

I'm so sorry grandmai, it truly is heartbreaking and you must still be shocked by it. Assuming thre has been no unforgiveable behaviour if you can manage to be neutral and keep a relationship going with them both it can only help, both now and in the future. It will also help your grandson. Children are very resilient and with love from you all he will come through it. Are they at the point of a decision? I wondered if they had considered whether couple counselling could help, particularly around communication. Its not for everyone, but there is a place for it if both people are open to it. If it helps do keep talking to us here, theres always someone to listen and as you will have seen many people have had the same experience.

Curse coming up :-
Double Hubble, toil and trouble,
make his botty boil and bubble
make his piles and scrotum itch
give his eye a nasty twitch
make his skin erupt and ooze
make him allergic to all booze
give him herpes, give him sores
whenever he goes out of doors
Wish all foul things fall from above
for hurting you and those you love.

Liz46, there is a brilliant curse for that sort of SiL somewhere - done by phoenix. Hopefully someone can point you in the right direction. It made us howl with laughter which did help.

Hopefully, the SiL in this thread will be more honourable than The Idiot, your Sil, nina's and, no doubt, many others. And Dil to be fair.

Our D has been seperated from her husband for 4 yrs now (he won't sort the divorce). Our situation is different in that we both feel D is better of without him, so we weren't upset by the split at the time. (Things have happened since then) I do agree that it's best to keep neutral. I have always been outwardly pleasant to my GC father for the sake of the boys.

I can not even begin to imagine how sad you must feel, just be the stable rock in the middle

When our SIL left our daughter when she was 7 months pregnant we hated him.
We supported our DD and DGS when he came along but, thank goodness, never vocalised our feelings about The ___ to our DD. They are now reunited and seem to be a happy family. We haven't forgiven but neither of them know that I hope.

We are going through the same thing and have noted what you say about not falling out with my (unfaithful, arrogant and ****) SIL. My OH has made many suggestions including stabbing him in the throat! This has made us feel very slightly better.

My SIL will be moving out in a few days leaving his 10 year old and 8 year old. The idiot had everything - a lovely home, funny and clever wife and two beautiful children. Obviously something went wrong but he has caused chaos by having an affair.

I separated from my ex H when our daughter was a baby and the unquestioning support of my mother was invaluable - I can't imagine how I would have coped without it. So please, as other posters have said, stay neutral and be there for your DGD for love and stability, but I know your DD will value your support - not taking sides, being a loving parent to your DD. GL to all of you.

GrandmaL That is very sad but it happens a lot.
There is a lot of wisdom from other posters already on here,
and you will find good advice and support. (((hugs)))

My heart aches for you. It's such a sad situation. It is very hard to accept that our children are grown and we must accept their choices whether we like it or not.

I have been through this three times, once with DD1 and twice with DD2. I cried so much I didn't think I had any tears left but life moves on and we just try to make the best of it. I really can empathise with how you must be feeling and send you ((hugs)) and

It's horrible isn't it?
Our son split from his partner a year ago and it's been very worrying and difficult not to take sides. A year on and they have dealt with it well and get along fine now ,even if it's only to talk about grandson who is 3 and he got through it all very well.
We all wish it had worked out with a fairy tale ending but the couple involved are happy enough and settled into their new lives now and we should be grateful for that I suppose.
Try not to make yourself ill with worry but it's not easy some days. Just be there for them if any of them need to talk but stay out of any nastiness if there is any . If it's an amicable split they may avoid it but when it comes down to money there may be ..just stay out of it , listen but don't give your opinion if you can help it as it may come back to bite you on the bum.

Both my C are separated with one divorced. It is heartbreaking for all. One GD was under 2 and it didn't affect her so much. She is 18 now and she and her father ( my S ) don't have much of a relationship but we have a wonderful relationship with her because we worked very hard at it.
My other 2 GC were 15 and 12 they adored their father and have really suffered from the breakup.
He now lives thousands of miles away with his new love but is in regular contact with them and they go to visit, my GS went for 2 months earlier this year and the both get on well with the partner.
After a difficult time both emotionly and financially my D is now settled but we help out with money so that the GC have a decent life style. We don't think they should go without.
The paternal GP don't have much involvement at all but that is their loss.
It is so hard at first and you will feel bereft but things get easier and you will not always feel as bad as you do now.

'Luckygirl' said everything I was going to say, I'm sorry your family are going through this but they will need your support.. take care.

This has happened to our youngest daughter and she is so much happier now (as are we!) but, as Lucky said, please try not to take sides. It is very difficult as we are hurt for our children but now their child must take precedence.

You are probably in for a rocky ride but stay strong and keep talking to us.

How very sad - a very difficult time for you all. You will be worried for the future. Do they live nearby?

I think it is important to try not to take sides; it is not always a matter of fault, but incompatibility. If you can stay civil to both sides, then this will help to set the right tone for your DGS.

Your role will be as a rock in the changing world around your DGS. Grandparents can be very important in this situation.

I know that you will be worried, but please remember that this is sadly an everyday occurrence, and if your DD and SIL can keep their relations cordial and civilised, then everyone will pick up the threads of their lives and live on to enjoy life - just in a slightly different way.

All I can say is how sorry I am in so many ways. We hope our children will be "happy ever after", we grow to love their partners (usually) and we worry about our grandchildren when a marriage breaks down.
Your patience, stability and support will be more necessary than ever.
If it is truly irrevocable, keep strong for them.