It has gone to the legal stage re my Grandson

nannynoo Fri 09-Jun-17 17:38:41

I thought it best to continue on this section as many of you are aware of my situation or should I say ongoing situation! lol

Had an urgent call from the social worker today to say they had a legal planning meeting re my Grandson who has been living with me for 2 years ( me as his kinship foster carer )

They feel it has been dragging as he has been in care a total of 3 years ( it took me a year to fight for him to be placed with me! ) so it is now going to court but for a care order where social services will have parental responsibility

She said she would be recommending he stay with me but that we have to have a family group conference so that 'if my health fails' there is someone else in place to care for him

Logically that makes sense but the worrier in me worries he will be removed and placed elsewhere now sad sad

Turns out my daughter is still drinking just not as heavily as before but I had my suspicions even though she always presented sober at contact visits with her son

They are doing a parenting assesment on her and contact is to be upped to 3 times a week!!! at a contact centre my Grandson hates and he needs his routine after school which will be totally disrupted!!!

I told the sw this and she said she put that to the solicitors and managers etc but they shut her down and were even talking about 4 times a week!

I understand they have a duty to properly assess my daughter but with the current news she is still drinking and is refusing to go to counselling it is not looking good for her!

My concern though is for my GRANDSON who loves his chilling out time after school and I love the calm routine we have as well which is about to go to pot now ( poor little man )

We have a meeting on Monday morning and I will definitely be voicing my concerns about the contact centre which will probably be 2 to 3 times a week after school God knows for how many hours! I understand they have to write notes about my daughter and how she presents herself and interacts with my Grandson and how often she shows up etc but what about what it puts him through??? sad

Plus I need to know they are serious about offering me guardianship if my daughter fails the assessment which I still suspect they will do but I am still worried as they 'voiced concerns' about his dental appointments which are actually all up to date and have actually been fighting to get the treatment he needs as his regular dentist was refusing to remove his baby tooth which has been loose for nearly 2 years now so I got my doctor to refer him to the dental hospital and it's not my fault it is taking them so long to offer him an appointment as it can take approx 6 months but why are they picking any holes in my care of him when everyone else supposed to be happy with it

Plus poor little man has still been wetting himself nearly every day since his Mum told him he has his room at her new house she has recently moved to and his behaviour has become more difficult so with this new change on top of it God knows what sort of meltdowns etc we are in for as how much is this poor boy meant to cope with? sad xx

I also cannot afford the transport 3 x per week as he is not good on public transport so we have to cab it but they have already said there is nothing they can do about that! x

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nannynoo Thu 15-Jun-17 14:00:25

Tbh it is an awful , stress inducing , anxiety inducing situation I / we are in as we both ( little man and me ) don't know if we are coming or going literally and my fear is my daughter will get her son back but continue to drink but saying that surely the erm sh*t will hit the fan at some point???

She is functioning well at the moment but when she has the morning school routine to do every day , waking at 7am , doing breakfast , making sure he cleans his teeth ( which he reacts to negatively ) , get dressed ( which he reacts to VERY negatively ) and happily out the door each morning without chaos or stress for him ( or shouting her head off at him every morning like she used to do! ) then do all the things involved ie attend school meetings , fill in forms for eg the iep school meetings , write in his school book , send back slips re attending school events , attend the events , dental treatment and checks , doctors if ill , medication 3 times a day if he is ill , coping if SHE falls ill and still doing all that is necessary , washing , cooking , cleaning , making sure he has activities to go to , having social worker visits ( they won't just disappear! lol ) then after school routine , weekends and school holidays doing the 24 hour care , calming him back down to sleep when he wakes in the night ( which can take a while ) so coping on MINIMAL sleep plus doing an ''all round good job'' ie keeping on top of everything which is HARD let alone dealing with his challenging behaviours

He scratched me quite violently this morning , out of the blue , seemingly for no reason but it may be to do with his confusion and feeling a bit worried and insecure about 'where he belongs' bless him xx

To get a care order my GS would have to be at SIGNIFICANT RISK OF HARM in my daughter's care and so she could fall just under the radar of that and fall into the category of 'good enough parenting' which means no abuse or neglect and shouting at him and losing her rag with him every day will not constitute abuse sad

( Shouting at an Autistic child will make them WORSE , IT MIGHT SHUT DOWN THE BEHAVIOUR AT THE TIME BUT IT WILL POP UP LATER if unresolved or unexpressed and then what??? The worst thing is he cannot even TELL ME if any abuse or neglect goes on sad sad but hopefully the court will take that into account , he is a vulnerable child so would they let him be cared for a vulnerable adult who is good at 'acting' and you can only 'act' for so long before the true colours come out at some point and tbh his challenging behaviours are probably set to get worse with the TEEN years and puberty right round the corner and can she REALLY cope and get him through all that? )

That is my worry , that she will do 'just enough' to get through her assessments , present sober when her visits etc are and she comes across very well when sober but not get help or even actually stop drinking or look at her issues which caused her to start drinking in the first place! sad x

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fluttERBY123 Thu 15-Jun-17 16:17:44