I did something awful

The OP said she slapped her grandson. I take that to mean one slap with a hand, hopefully to a leg not a head. That is not 'child abuse' FrodoVagins. No implement used, no bruising left, one slap not several.
I'm not saying it's ok and neither is the OP, who feels dreadful. She feels it is too late now to say anything and as the little boy said nothing at the time, I expect she hopes he won't. She did not ask him to keep this a secret. He may mention it to one of his parents, or the OP may be able to mention it during a future visit.
Im with those who suggest the OP gives herself a break.

(Disclaimer: not a Gran, actually a DIL!)

I wouldn't worry too much. You obviously feel awful about it, enough that it won't happen again, so don't dwell.

How is your relationship with your DIL? If your GS mentions it to her in the future, would she be relaxed about it, or would it cause issues that you didn't tell her? Personalities are key here I think!

I am sorry for hopping back on this thread lol but as others have said it did not damage the relationship with your Grandson and he understands that he was being particularly noisy plus probably knew / sensed you were not well and obviously loves you very much and vice versa hence your feelings of remorse ( there are other parents who say things like ''the little sh*t deserved a slap'' and that is obviously so not you thankfully!! )

I felt / saw in my case that it did damage the relationship between me and my Grandson for a while , he is an extra sensitive soul possibly a tad to do with his Autism and I mean a lot to him and he trusts me to do the right things for him always , plus he has been through a lot already with his Mum sadly and if Nanny does it too , well where can he turn , who on earth can he turn to?

So we had lot's of sorrys / communication and gentleness and cuddles etc and tbh it took a couple of days but we mended ie our relationship mended completely I am happy to say and it sounds like yours and little mans relationship was mended pretty quickly and I am sure he knew you were devastated and sorry xx

Being genuinely sorry helps mend the hurt x

It has also been a deterrent for me as to 'what not to do' no matter how stressful it gets as I do not want to damage him or our relationship in any way whatsoever ..

One particularly stressful morning when I was almost ready to blow I decided to hold it in till he went to school then I rang a support line and got it all off my chest ( ie in a constructive way ) and felt much better and calm again

So good on you for coming here for support as we all need it , we are all human xxx

Why have you not told the parents? If something traumatic happens to a child the parents need to know! Just because the kid seemed okay with you immediately afterwards, doesn't mean they aren't affected!

Tell them ASAP, otherwise you are doubly hurting your grandchild, once by hitting them, and now by not letting their carers know so that if / when the upset comes out (and it most likely wouldn't be to you as kids let out their emotions with the people they feel safest with) the parents would know what the kid is trying to say/express and be able to help them!

The hitting was a mistake, the not informing the main carers.. that's calculated!

Oh, I wish there was a 'like' button! (That post from aggie)

Forget it! The wee one is still coming to you, he is unaffected & still trusts you. There are more parents smack their kids than will admit..and maybe the wee one has been smacked by mummy at some point, which is why she does not mention it? There is a difference between a wee smack & abuse.

wee smack would you say that if an adult hit you? that it was a "wee smack" or that you were assaulted?

Forget it! The wee one is still coming to you, he is unaffected & still trusts you That's not how kids work! Usually they will appear to be compliant/ "fine" until they feel "safe" to express otherwise. But the OP isn't giving her grandchild that option by not telling the child's parents so they can talk to the child about it.

The OP hasn't "just" hit the child
The OP has hit the child and then normalised an adult hitting a child by acting like everything was normal and fine afterwards and by not facing up to it and dealing with it, and giving the parents an opportunity to tell the child that what happened wasn't okay or deserved.

You didn't mean to hurt the little chap and he was fine and obviously not hurt don't rehash it all and for goodness sake forgive yourself a generation ago grannies would have slapped ( now I m not condoning that at all, just saying )
Fridovagins sounds too perfect to be true have you never done anything you've regretted in the heat of the moment ? of course you have, we all have I remember at least two occasions that I behaved out of character and wasn't as patient and loving as I should have been
Jackie s had her punishment by truely beating herself up for her over quick reaction no good will come from confessions this long after the event forgive yourself JackieB
None of us is perfect, well most of us aren't

I don't agree with hitting children but, for heaven's sake, it was one slap - not the end of the world. You were unwell and tired and it was a regrettable but not catastrophic lapse. Forget it.

I agree with Eloethan. Forgive yourself. Let it go.

occasionally, just occasionally we are not perfect and I really don't think any harm has been done. The OP did not premeditate the slap and regrets it. I can speak sharply to my GD when she is having a 'brat out' in my home - luckily she is growing out of this phase and I have been sorely tempted to smack her if only to snap her out of a real 'red mist' tantrum. Time to move on. Those who are condemning the OP are very lucky not to have been in a similar situation, no need to be smug.

Well said Granarchist xxx

Do you know what? In the olden days, children used to get a slap on their legs if they were naughty, now you're not allowed to touch a child. Maybe this PC has gone too far? I think a little slap now and then if a child is playing up, is perfectly acceptable. I know a lot of people will disagree, but it didn't do me any harm, nor my now grownup sons. Of course, if it's done as an excuse becaue you don't feel up to the mark, that's another issue.

On the other hand, children that are not my own, I wouldn't touch. If my grand children are naughty, I usually say that I would tell mummy that they've been naughty, and that, in most instances, does the trick.

I agree with all these last posters. This all not be the most traumatic thing the child has to deal with, and quite honestly you have already suffered far more than him

Oh for heavens sake. This sort of things happen when someone is stressed or upset and unwell.

I am not condoning it in the least but we are human.
Within reason that incident worries me far less than a planned slap.

The emotional damage that anyone might be concerned about depends soley on the strength of the relationship.

When I was working we would get calls from schools when usually a teenage girl had been had a barney with mum or the other way round and lashed out when in a school morning strop.

Where the teachers really knew the child and that the relationship was sound, to have reported to the police would be more damaging. The good schools understood this and staff could discuss this with the girl and the parents.

It is something you regret but it is over and done with and any more fretting is just harmful to yourself, forgive yourself and move on. We are mad now, the way we inflate things.I adored my father and we played what we called 'boofer fights' where we would sneak up and hit each other with cushions and mum would warn us that one of us would end up hurt, usually me, falling off the sofa or bed, banging my head as I fell (once knocked dad out with a heavy doll while he wasn't paying attention) I also got a few slaps, it was all part and parcel of a robust, loving family life. A small chastisement soon passes.

nannynoo we feel the same with our autistic DGS and many times felt regret about being sharp now and then, nobody who hasn't lived with the meltdowns would understand.It does get better,as they get older.....hold on to that!

My my, the condemnation is unbelievable. Firstly to the original OP I say move on, forget about it. None of us are perfect. Are you all saying that you were perfect parents, never scolded, was never irritated. I remember as the breadwinner, working a full day my patience was very short when I came home, had to prepare a meal, put the kids to bed and then begin the housework. There but for the Grace of God................

As a child I knew the difference between a slap and a punch. Radicalnan has got it spot on, a slap is part and parcel of a robust, loving family life.

Jackie let it go. Do not berate yourself anymore. You won't be doing that again. Your grandson clearly doesn't hold it against you or he would have gone complaining to his mother. her may have felt he deserved it!!

Let it go and forgive yourself. Since you don't mention the child running to Mum and shrieking because he had a slap at the time, then it obviously wasn't enough to really hurt him. You're unlikely to do it again so don't build it up into something that makes you ill.

Venus,I know what you mean.The problem with slaps years ago is that most of us would have got a slap at some time or other without being traumatised. Others were (and unfortunately still are) beaten or caned.
If it took banning ALL physical punishment to stop that happening (because some adults thought a little caning or slippering never did anyone any harm) then so be it.

NB More children at school are noticeably more violent towards teachers - punching, hitting, slapping, kicking etc. and towards their parents (e.g.punching them when the parent doesn't pick up the schoolbag that was thrown at them, or hitting them because they don't immediately give in to the whines) than when I first started teaching, perhaps because they have never felt what the slaps and punches they are handing out feels like. Not a reason to go backwards, but I do wonder why the non-violent parenting seems to have this effect.

Lets get things in perspective....hitting a child is not acceptable. Ignoring a screaming child when it is not an emergency is equally unacceptable. So many children scream or screech these days when they can't have what they want. They need to be firmly spoken to once, and the thing that they want taken away from them...making it plain that you get nothing for screaming/screeching. Its a sign of the times. Can any of you remember screaming/screeching when you couldn't have something, or indeed your own children behaving like this...in many cases I would say the answer is NO! I have never had to raise my hand to my son, and neither did he ever scream or screech like so many kids do today, especially in supermarkets! It drives me to distraction and I usually move away to another queue. I have seen another thread on gransnet which has already raised this subject, so I won't go on.

Unfortunately you slapped the child, but I can understand why you did it and the remorse you feel. From waht you say, the child doesn't seem to have been affected by it. Don't worry about it...it doesn't make you a serial child beater!

DD and DGS were staying about a year ago when he was 4. He always whines more when DD is around and this day was particularly bad - so I shouted at him. He looked really startled, and stopped whining (phew!), but I felt terribly guilty and still do when I think about it.

He, however, has totally forgotten it, I'm sure. So don't worry too much. I survived being slapped as a child, as I'm sure many of us on here have done. And it's not as if you're going to make a habit of it!

I didn't mean to sound harsh there with my "for heavens sake" comment there. It occured to me it might.

I do not agree with Venus about a planned slap being OK.

I am now learning with my little grandsons to give them a "long firm look" when they are being naughty or very silly.
It seems to work, I wish I had learnt how to do it earlier.

I tried it yesterday when the pair of them were into "wee and poo" talk. The two yr old now copies his four yr old brother who is at the peak age for thinking "poo and wee" remarks are very funny.

I found it very difficult to keep a straight face. Their mum was just the same at four yrs old. I might just remind her of that at 34 yrs on.