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Bit cross about this

(70 Posts)
LyndaW Fri 14-Jul-17 08:25:28

My DS emailed me last night to let me know that my DGD is now a size 11 shoe size and would like the light-up shoes this year? confused. I did buy her last year's school shoes and I might have intended to offer to buy this year's but now I'm all huffy and don't want to. Do you contribute to your grandchildren's uniforms? I don't mind doing it but the presumption was a bit galling and I'm not sure how to respond?

Rigby46 Fri 14-Jul-17 08:28:21

Oh dear < not very helpful >

Maggiemaybe Fri 14-Jul-17 08:35:37

Did you in any way hint that you might want to buy the new school shoes every year and they've remembered it?

In the first flush of being grandparents, DH and I said how nice it would be if we offered to pay for all the DGS' shoes. With an ever-growing (in both senses) pack of DGS, I'm so glad we didn't tell the DC about our bright idea. blush

LyndaW Fri 14-Jul-17 08:49:55

No, I don't think so. I'm tempted just to ignore the email but I suppose that's not really addressing the issue is it? Maybe I should say 'Oh, you buy her whatever you like, dear, it's your money!' but I suspect my son's email was actually ghostwritten by my dil and it may cause friction. Again. sigh.

NanaandGrampy Fri 14-Jul-17 08:55:32

Why not offer a contribution?

I started out buying all shoes but 4 grandchildren and retirement later I don't buy all. Now I usually make a contribution .

mcem Fri 14-Jul-17 08:57:30

I wouldn't mention money at all but the 'buy whatever you like' sounds fine - maybe adding that the assistant should check width as well!

gillybob Fri 14-Jul-17 09:02:08

I heavily contribute to my three DGC's uniforms. My DGD, my DS and I attended a parents evening last night for her new secondary school and the uniform is very strict and VERY expensive too. The official uniform provider was at the event and we're taking orders. My DGD is very small for her age (wears typically aged 8 clothes) and everything is having to be specially ordered and embroidered accordingly . I gave them a £100 deposit which is less than half of the final costs (not including skirts, trousers or shirts) and I will pay the balance when it becomes due. I am just happy that I am able to help out.

I am happy that my DS and DDiL are comfortable enough to ask me for help when they need it.

Christinefrance Fri 14-Jul-17 09:10:11

I agree about the presumptive thing but don't let this caused a rift with your family. My daughter always gave her children the money to buy basic trainers or indeed any other items of clothing. If they wanted anything designer or trendy then they used their pocket/birthday/ Christmas money to supplement this. Perhaps you could suggest something along those lines, you will pay the cost of basic trainers.

vampirequeen Fri 14-Jul-17 09:11:41

Do they need help buying his uniform and shoes? Are light up shoes more expensive than normal shoes? If you want to make a contribution then do so but don't feel you have to or buy/give money you can't afford.

Nelliemoser Fri 14-Jul-17 09:37:28

Not more school shoes stuff. I am getting allergic after our previous experiences. Forgive me if this is not one of them.

rosesarered Fri 14-Jul-17 09:46:54

Think this is different nellie grin

I would agree to pay for them ( if you can do so ) simply because, with my memory these days I would have previously offered and then forgot.

You could say something vague to DS, ( yes, those shoes sound nice) and wait and see what happens?

paddyann Fri 14-Jul-17 09:48:46

I buy most of their shoes,boots for winter and sandals for summer,my parents always bought shoes and new schoolbags at the beginning of every term and I just carried it on .

annodomini Fri 14-Jul-17 10:03:57

The question is: which school allows light-up shoes as part of school uniform? Seems highly unlikely to me. hmm

loopyloo Fri 14-Jul-17 10:04:44

Are light up shoes suitable for school? I would buy a pair of more formal shoes. Need to have a chat to them.

Lewlew Fri 14-Jul-17 10:07:23

Without more background on your relationship or role in providing clothes or other items throughout the year, it's hard to say.

I guess in my situation, I would think my DGD would enjoy knowing her new school shoes came from grandma. But that's just the way it is at ours. Every relationship is different.

Is he also mentioning it now so you can be prepared, I would think they could be £30. And perhaps don't need to be purchased yet.

loopyloo Fri 14-Jul-17 10:11:02

My grandson who is 10 beats his shoes to a pulp. This year he had the smallest size adult doc Martins and they have survived the year! Doubtless we will be called upon to contribute towards next year's pair. Children's shoes have always been a headache for the family.

Legs55 Fri 14-Jul-17 10:19:42

Would not have thought "light up trainers" could be worn at school especially if there is a uniform code, I would view these as a "leisure" item. If that is the case I would be quite non-commital especially if you are likely to be buying school shoes.

My DD has never asked me to contribute & they're low income family but she knows if she needed help I was always do what I could. No hard & fast rules really, I tend to do the buying Birthday/C****** Presents to provide DGC with things they really like but aren't essentials.

Trouble is children's feet grow so fast, good school shoes are essential, cheaper trainers etc can be bought especially if you really go bargain hunting.grin

mcem Fri 14-Jul-17 10:20:36

The light up shoes are simply Clark's classic girls' school shoes (approx £45) with tiny flashes in the heel - not a big issue.
DGD had them last year and wrecked them. She has needed new shoes or boots every term!

BlueBelle Fri 14-Jul-17 10:21:27

My mum and dad used to help out when my kids were at school they always bought there summer sandals , and winter school coats and shoes, one of my children earns very good money and has no need for help but the other two aren't so well off, they don't ask but I m honoured to be in the position where I can offer

I think there may have been a misunderstanding and your daughter thought it was a general annual offer and you rightly felt prickly that she had presumed

If you know it's a bit of a struggle then buy them and be glad you know what sort and what size, If you know your daughter can well afford them tell her that you feel she's jumped the gun a bit and while your happy to help out she needs to make more of an effort to discuss ithese things with you I m thinking some pride and 'not losing face' is getting in the way of your relationship

susantrubey Fri 14-Jul-17 10:23:27

Take your grand-daughter to buy new shoes. Make a day of it and also treat her to something special. Grand-daughter loves you. son loves you, daughter-in law is put firmly in the corner. Love it when a plan comes together.

Hopefully64 Fri 14-Jul-17 10:28:44

My mum use to buy my kids shoes but no presents. We got the idea from someone I work with . Better to buy something they need than a load of toy tat or they clothes they don't need.

M0nica Fri 14-Jul-17 10:31:30

Rather than saying. 'Buy whatever you like', which sounds rather brusque, why not just say 'Sounds very cheerful I look forward to seeing her wear them.'

sunseeker Fri 14-Jul-17 10:33:53

If you can afford it why not give them some contribution and tell them to buy whatever they think appropriate - or are you expected the take the child shopping yourself?

harrigran Fri 14-Jul-17 11:17:59

I have always bought the GC's shoes, at £50 pound a pair and several pairs a year, soon adds up to a tidy sum for parents to find.
Yesterday I went with DIL and GD to be fitted with her school uniform, everything has school badge embroidered, even the PE shorts and T shirt is in house colours with name across the back. Every item, barring plain black shoes, has to be bought from school shop even the sport's bag.
I didn't see the final cost as DIL wrote check but she looked shell shocked when she joined us.
Now that GC are growing fast and require several pairs of ballet and tap shoes along with specialist clothing we have given the parents the money to set up accounts to pay for fees and clothing, it saves them from asking on a regular basis.
What else would I do with my money ? and the look of pleasure when they get new shoes.
GD1 asked yesterday if I was going to visit at the weekend, I told her not possible this weekend and her face crumpled " oh grandma, I wanted to show you my new hockey stick" smile

W11girl Fri 14-Jul-17 11:30:15

Your son has probably innocently sent you said email. Just buy them..its not the end of the world...If you want to get out of it in the future..just tell him in a nice way, that you won't be able afford to do it after this one. I love my son too much to let him down but this year I had to tell him I could no longer afford everything I do for him, he was fine and very grateful for all that I have already done. So don't get cross about it, talk to your son.