New grandparent

I just love being call granny by my 6 grandchildren. 4 are English and 2 are Scottish and just hearing them shout granny gives me enormous feelings of love. Each one is so precious to me and individual in their own right. Here's hoping you can fall in love with your grandchild at an early age or at least pretend in some little way. You don't need to do the gushing bit like some - little steps at a time may help you to accept this bundle of joy in your own terms. All the best and good luck.

Oops Not call granny should be called granny.

I was born to be a Nan, my GC gladden my heart, and I perfectly understand not everyone feels like me.....but it....really !!!

You say that you had bonding issues with your first son,now resolved.Perhaps when your grandchild is a little older with his personality developing and doing the cute things that little ones do,you may feel differently.In the meantime,I would avoid being negative around the family and focus on the little things that might help you bond-first smile or crawling for example.

Op, were you still very young when you became a parent yourself? If so, I have seen the same type of "non interest" in my own mom with my children. She was a young mom and still a child herself...I think it was all too much responsibility at such a young age. Today she is only 50 and I'm 32 with three children myself. I think she may feel overwhelmed by the noise and busyness of my children and that she just wants to enjoy her life without "hassle"...when she should have been a teen/young adult enjoying life and being social, she was at home looking after three kids. I understand that this is where she comes from and I don't for one second judge her for that. I'm sure I would also feel somewhat the same if I had had a similar start.. I do see that she is a lot more negative in her ways and that's OK. Maybe she feels robbed of life so to speak. She was a great mom, she was always around, she always gave her best and I appreciate that. Yes, she sh have been serially involved at such a young age but hey, things happen. Don't feel like you're alone. You certainly aren't. Much love xx

I find small babies terrifying; after the birth of DS I had a nasty bout of PND which flattened me for months. I did find the courage to have another child and was fine, but took a while to bond with both babies. A kind word from a district nurse made me feel so much better. She said that sometimes you can fall in love at first sight with a partner, sometimes it takes a while, and why should it be any different with a baby? However, when my first GC came along,although I found him alarming too in his helpless, tiny, wobbly headed way, he is the dearest child and life without him would be unimaginable - I love him like my own children. You may be a person who needs to see a smile, a response, or anything 'human' rather than a small bundle of screaming before you can start to connect. Be kind to yourself - you must be a good person to be concerned; do give yourself plenty of time and don't be too hard on yourself - we are all different, and that doesn't mean wrong.

Go through the motions of being caring/excited, but don't over do it. Accept how you feel. Then, hopefully, one day - bang - you will fall in love.

This happened to me. I was looking after baby for the day. I took him out in his pushchair. When we got back he was laying in this pushchair, looked up at me, into my eyes, with the happiest huge smile ever. Bang - I literally felt something 'falling' inside me as I abruptly fell in love with him.

You can't make it happen, but it hopefully will, just when you aren't expecting it. Now I love every fibre of the little fellow.

I am quite easy with the title Nanna but am in some quarters called Grandma. Took a bit of getting used to but it's our personal perceptions that are the problem isn't it?
I quite agree that newborns do not have an immediate appeal to all of us. I feel a much stronger affinity with babies once they "get their batteries in" - usually around 3 months. Then there is that golden time when so much happens until they start to walk followed by the stresses of keeping track of their movements.

I don't like being a grandmother either as it seems to fill me with terrible stress when looking after them that something will happen and the responsibility is just awful for me and I find it so hard to cope. They are 6 and 10 and I dread school holidays having to drive the 20 miles to care for them twice a week, take them out keep them safe. Best if very far away so can't be put in position of doing the child care. I do understand how you feel though.

Don't beat yourself up about this, we are all different.
Personally I think he/she will grow on you bit by bit and you will end up being an adoring grandmother eventually.
I don't like the name Granny either, so I am Nan to my 4 grandchildren.
I have really loved all of them from the day they were born, but having done a lot of looking after them I must admit there were times when I resented being so tied.
Nevertheless, being a grandparent is an enriching experience and I fervently hope you will enjoy it in time. This new baby is a little person in it's own right so give it a chance and you will grow to love him or her.

I think it's making you feel old. I was first a grandparent at 49 and had a lot of input and input carried on with my grandchildren until the fourth. I now have six and now just overwhelmed with them. Feel guilty because I do more for some and not the others. One particular grandson is not very nice which I find hard. I don't actually want to be in his company. It's a minefield of emotions. Then the parents and how they bring them up can be frustrating. We are all different. Even gransnetters saying they adore all their grandchildren makes me feel guilty. I am sure you will feel more attached as you go along.

I think there's a ridiculous amount of pressure on grand parenting these days, partly because so many look after their grandchildren so that their children can work....that's another issue....but I would see this from another perspective..you're free to make as much or little of your role as a grandmother. No-one can dictate how you should feel or what you should do. I know you feel the need to appear enthusiastic in front of family but they're not on your doorstep so maybe you can pull out the stops for those family visits at the moment so as not to rock the boat. Then, consider the good times you did have with your own children when they were growing up and look forward maybe to a time when you can have a few moments like that...there will be something you enjoyed. Personally, I feel I've done my upbringing of children and I don't want to be drawn into it again..I love playing certain things with my grandchild and avoid like the plague doing other stuff..I think that's what it's about...all the joy and none of the worry. I don't think that's selfish, although some might...I just think it's my prerogative now. Relax if you can...and look forward to some good times in the future.

I'm pretty sure you will fall in love with this little one. Let nature take it's course and stop worrying. Please don't voice your feelings to the babies parents though. I have a friend who is 64. She always said she didn't want to be a granny and wouldn't look after grandchildren. Well, her son and daughter are not going to be having children, and my friend is realising what she's missing out on.

For some women it is more of a psychological thing becoming a grandmother and often age related. I was 42 when I first became a gran...although looking forward to it...a bit sad that my husband and me would not have the special time together between our children leaving home and having time to do all the things we promised ourselves before becoming grandparents, as we started our family very young. However little people have a way of charming you and before long you can"t wait until you see them again.Now have five grandchildren and love them to bits...just wished we lived closer so that we could see more of them.

Give it time you may be like a lot of people and enjoy children more when they interact more not everyone wants to be grandparents just like some people don't want children it's nothing to ashamed of but keep them feelings to yourself and and please don't keep calling child it .

Suddenly you are morphed into someone else, you lose you title of mother, your name and now its grandma all the way. I am exactly the same. I love the grandchildren and get on with them although one is a little horror. I want to be called by my own name so have to work on that. Don't let your sons use you , luckily mine do not as I was working.I see so many grandparents battling with their grand children looking after them, they look tired and sad. Of course there are some who just adore all that and I respect them. There are so many sensible answers on here, even I feel better reading them.

Sounds like you are doing your very best, putting on a good face for everyone even though it is hard work and a bit draining. Well done.
Maybe it stirs up some of the old feelings from when your first boy came along, who knows. You got through that ok in your own time, I would guess that the same or similar will happen here too. Meanwhile my advice would be try to be gentle and accepting of yourself as well as (you already are being) with everyone else, it might make the whole process quicker and surely will make it more bearable.
I guess we carry some deep places in ourselves sometimes, take your time.

Mortar, worry not. I was completely indifferent verging on anti and befuddled in my thinking when I was informed of the forthcoming grandparent status. I'm not particularly a baby person myself but thankfully and gratefully Mother Nature stepped in and I became besotted as a Mum Now my own child's joy with offspring has spilled over on to me and the individuals have won me over in their own right. Happily the Granny tag had already been reserved so I put some reasonable thinking into what I would like to be called when I was asked to do so by the parents. It has skewed a little from my original intention but I am SO VERY happy with the outcome. Some people assume we don't want the usual titles because of the age association. How wrong (and MUCH TOO LATE in my case!) and small minded of them. Try relaxing and do the best you can on a daily basis with your thinking process. I'm quietly confident for you simply from my own experience and I feel hugely sympatico. May the forces be with you........etc

Ps I agree with inishowen about being careful where you voice things. I have found people can be quick to label ("you don't even like your dgc/this/that") then it is hard to shift that when you are ready to move on.

Babies are very boring but perk up as they get older. Don't worry about bonding immediately as some parents can't do that, never mind the grandparents. The relationship will grow. In the meantime smile, be nice and keep your counsel.

I agree with SussexGirl.

Also to add I called my grandson IT for many weeks and I also didnt feel instant love for him, babies are cute but can also be rather boring/tiring.

Give yourself time, maybe when the little one develops and shows his/her own personality your feelings will change. I have to admit this is when I enjoyed the grandson, when he became more like an individual than a generic baby.

Fake it til you make it, comes to mind.

You are not alone Mortaff but you do have to try to be an Oscar winning actress for a while until the baby's personality develops. I've been there myself and felt my thoughts were wicked and couldn't divulge them to a soul as it would have seemed so ungrateful to so many who long for children/grandchildren and can't have them. Soldier on with a smile.

By the sounds of it, you may have had a touch of post natal depression and this is bringing it back to you . Do not feel guilty about this. Try and find someone to talk to about this. And there are many very smart and glamorous grand mothers.we are all different. I was not terribly keen on having grandchildren. It was all more to worry about. You are not alone.

Norah - when my first son was born my MIL decided that she wanted to be called 'Nana' - which name I have always loathed, but it was her choice - I still can't bring myself to say the word when discussing her with my children, now aged 58 and 60!

I wish I had been firm at the time - I have no objection to any of the other names..Granny, Grandma, et al...I'm called Grannyliiz by one GC and Raggy by the others.[ ..god knows where that came from!] I think left to themselves babies sometimes can evolve their own name for their grandmother.

(Clearly) I am Granny to all my own and my step grandchildren..but one very dear friend hated the idea of being a grandparent and wanted to be called GP instead of grandpa. Ten plus years on this is now just Gee. I think it's quite a good alternative. I too am not maternal, adore my own children now in their 40s, and have only felt strong feelings towards the one GC which I was involved with from birth. All the others I love of course but I do have to hide my adoration of aforementioned GC a bit! Don't beat yourself up, once the new baby becomes a person and reacts to you things will change. Good luck!