New grandparent

Personally I have no GC yet, one DD. I feel that the love between a parent and their child is partly biological (and after all essential for the continuation of the species!) and I don't see why that would be the case for grandchildren?

Your GC doesn't have any expectations of you Mortaff and that is who matters. Just be yourself, whatever you are you will be the child's GP. Call yourself anything you want it can be your name, a nick name or any thing you like. If others expect things of you that is their problem, you shouldn't be required to meet them. You will bring a unique and personal contribution to the child's life however you choose to be involved. I think sometimes we are now expected to conform to a GP norm whereas there have always been different sorts of GPs some very hands on and cuddly, some more distant and formal with their GCs, some strict and bossy. Relax and be yourself, you may find that you enjoy and appreciate your GCs when you are able to stop worrying.

Mortaff, I felt like you when y first grandsons were thrust upon me and whilst I bought the obligatory pram, cooed over baby I felt as if I want ready for this responsibility. However ten years down the line I now have nine grandchildren, ten soon and reassured that my actual responsibilities are few but the smiles, the outstretched arms from toddlers make it all worthwhile. Remember a time with your boys that was very special to you - chances are the ages associated with your boys will be replicated with your grandchild. It has made me greater friends with my children too, shared moans and happy times, memories come flooding back of their childhoods. It will be OK, if you don't want to be hands on then don't be and don't worry about it.

I have a new grandchild who I'm crazy about but the other gran not only lives closer and is more involved but is economical with the truth but how often she is there and what she does. According to her she is there "all the time" and even takes him swimming. It just makes me laugh. He is my sixth grandchild and her first. I just think she is over excited and possessive and when she sees no one is challenging her she will relax. No skin off my nose.

That you don't want to be a grandparent is not that unusual. Why do you refer to an innocent baby as it. I cannot understand that I must admit. If I heard my baby called it, that would be a real issue for me and I don't normally let things get to me.

I agree, Luckylegs9. "That you don't want to be a grandparent is not that unusual."

One lady I know said she never wanted to be a grandma, now she adores her little grandson, sometimes you just have to give it time, more are hands on, others not so much. Just pretend at first, maybe the love will come.

I think it's great you're being honest. Why should you love someone else's child? Personally I think there's too much emphasis put on the status of 'grandparent'. In time you may grow to like it - even love it, but if you don't then you at least have my support. Enjoy your life your way and use any name you want to - sack the Granny/Gran/Grandma choices.

Why should you love someone else's child?
Lots of people manage it - otherwise no-one would ever adopt a child and bring the child up with love and care.

Someone else's child , a DGC is not your child but will presumably carry some of your genes.

Yes Jalima1108 it is someone else's child, because the child is not yours, is not an extension of you, other adults are that child's parents, and you happen to be related one of them.

That child shares and has its parents genes, and you share genes with only one of those parents, not directly to the child. It takes 2 to make a baby not 4.

No one has to love anything just because you are related. Everyone is entitled to feel how they want and shouldn't be judged.

I'm judging no-one.
Although I do sometimes wonder about some posts which appear from new posters which seem to be quite - well, forthright.

I do know a tiny bit about genetics

anything
An odd way to refer to a child

As is it, which has resurfaced. I heard someone on a bus telling a mother with a crying baby to shut it up and I felt like going for him (though as he looked as though he'd just done a stretch for GBH I confined myself to a Care Bear stare and a word of encouragement to the mum).

Nothing wrong with being forthright, or does everything have to be sugar coated on gransnet? I was just stating the truth, you made it sound like the child receives something directly from you therefore it's not some one else's child. But that child doesn't receive anything from you, except the relationship and love that comes after it's born, its genes it receives from your adult son or daughter, who received theirs from you, that's what makes you part of their extended family and related to them.

Gransnet is a public forum. Just because someone has never posted before doesn't mean they are new. How very presumptuous of you.

Ok I'll rephrase since everything gets nitpicked "you don't have to love anyONE".

I think you need to see a professional to discuss this issue and get to the root cause of why you feel this way. In the meantime you are right to try to conceal your feelings in front of your family although at some point they may pick up on your negativity.