Here we go again

Nightowl. I have just had another afternoon of shenanigans from my own son whose mental illness involves dramas of one sort or another until the emergency services get involved and when he fears he may get sectioned, he is suddenly lucid and in control. I am afraid that mentally ill people often create dramas, and it is part of their problem, they become self absorbed and do not see the damage their actions cause.

I spent years working in the mental health sector and studying mental health with OU. I am being factual not judgemental.

Keep calm not call.

Treasure your relationship with your DIL and DGC - she must have great confidence in you to feel able to call upon you at this awful time for her.

Your son does need help and perhaps you can be practical and help him find out the best course of action and who to contact to help him overcome his problems - he does sound as if he needs professional help which I hope will be available.

You sound as if you will be a great support to your DIL too - whatever she decides to do you need to maintain that contact.

You need to stay strong yourself Britgran - and don't blame yourself.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences radicalnan and I do understand how personal and professional experience colours all our views. I've been there myself. I just know that whatever I say about my own AC I don't want others to criticise them

I'm sorry but if my dh ever cheated on me, I cannot imagine calling his parents! What could they possibly do about it? I can turn to my own family for comfort. And in today's age of skyping and facetime, etc. it doesn't make that much difference if they are far away. It seems to me that contacting HIS mum is done in the hope that she'll take him to task or something. It just doesn't sit well with me.

However, brit, I agree with those who say you should be loving and supportive of both. Whatever happens with their marriage, I sincerely hope that your relationship with your gc isn't badly affected.

Correct me if I am wrong but I thing you are calling him a b******d because he did the same with his previous wife so you feel protective with this one. Don't take sides but be there for your DIL as her family are not local and she must feel very alone. Until he takes responsibility for his mental health he will keep making a mess of things and he won't think it is his fault. I feel for you.

yes support your DIL. I went to my MIL many moons ago when my husband and the father of my 1 year old was often absent, drug taking and completely irresponsible and I was at the end of my tether and about to escape to another city to start again alone. I was penniless and utterly distraught. Basically she told me to leave and how dare I say her son was mad. I meant because he was losing so much for nothing. I went to her because she was the only other person that cared deeply for him and might help. I did move away, he eventually followed me but she never accepted he was responsible in any way. And he later got into some very serious trouble and behaviour and I eventually years later divorced him. She preferred to blame me....especially after I left him and his behaviour got worse. It was extraordinary. Luckily he had a sister who did stick by me and child, and my dear mum did. So I both understand why DIL turned to you. And I am so glad you are supportive to her. Its crap when this happens but you and she are doing your best and as in both our cases it was primarily because toddlers were involved. Its not a romantic tiff etc. Its serious. People have to be grown up. So very good luck and big hug for this difficult time.

Thank you everybody for responding it's so helpful to get others opinions, the mother in me loves my son unconditionally, the grandmother in me will do everything in my power to protect my GC, the mother in law will support my daughter in law and help and advise in any way I can because the woman in me has morals and I detest cheaters, I haven't spoken to my son about this I will take the advice given on here to not take sides, and to be honest I don't need to say anything as he knows full well what I think of his behaviour, if anything good can come out this my dil has agreed to give him another chance providing he seeks help , he has taken full responsibility for his actions, he has called a councillor and has sworn to do everything he can to recover, he's a very lucky man but he is now in last chance saloon to you all

Britgran - support your DIL and your grandchildren - what your son does is up to him - whether his marriage repairs or not, you will still want the best for the GC and given what you say about your son, this will be in a stable home with their mum, who obviously has a good relationship with you. Mental illness of any kind can be alleviated with the right treatment, whether this be talking therapy, medication or a mix of both. If your son does want to move forward for the well-being of his family, he should show some preparedness to get help. Yes, you may have a role to play in helping him to improve his condition, but you definitely have a role to play in being MIL to your DIL and grandma to the children.