Granddaughter wants to live with me !

These last 2 posts are inaccurate. Should your DGD become your formal responsibility, there will be benefits to be sorted out; but it sounds as if you are a very long way from that.

As for why there is another child on the way:

1. OP has not shared sensitive family information with us
2. Since I trained as a midwife in 1972, the rate of unplanned pregnancies has remained consistent at about 50%.

I have a dear childhood friend who was nine years older than her youngest sister and who ended up doing all the work that a nursemaid, had one been available in the 1950s would have done. I also had a less close friend who was the eldest of a family of 22, Both of these girls would readily have jumped at the chance of getting away from being their younger siblings' nursemaid. So I understand your GDs request and your willingness to have her live with you.

In the west of Scotland when I was growing up, the eldest grandchild frequently lived with a grandmother and it didn't seem to affect their relationship either to their parents or siblings.

As the others say, give it a trial period, if her parents consent - without that you can't do anything until she is 16 as far as I know.

She is old enough to want to be an adult, if treated like one, so have a frank talk with her about chores, when she has to be home at night, going out with boys!, smoking - it's an endless list, and remember too that however grown up she feels she is, half the time she is still a little girl, taking her teddy to bed. (And long may that last). If she moves in with you, a frank talk about sex is indicated too. They don't know everything at that age, even although they say they do. (Said the retired school mistress!)

"My granddaughter has requested to come and live with me due to overcrowding at home ."

"She's a delightful 14 year old , living out in the sticks until they can return to town. A 5th baby is due at Christmas and I think she needs some space to be a 14 year old! ( she's the oldest )"

Your posts provoked so many questions in me:

Are her parents aware of the request?

Is it overcrowded?

Why are they living in the sticks? How long have they been there? How far is it from your granddaughter's friends and school?

What has to happen for them to return to town? How likely is it? Is there a timetable?

As the oldest child, is she being expected to care for her younger siblings? Is there a large age-gap?

l have same issue, except its my 14 year old grandson, who wants to move in with me. at present he stays most nights during the holidays, term time will be back to weekends only. he has to share a room with his 5 year old brother, who sings in his sleep & has frequent nightmares, so he doesn't get enough sleep.

Well it worked extremely well for me and didn't spoil my relationship with mum and dad at all I think they were grateful that I wanted to be with Nan she was only 63 and heartbroken at losing my grandad I stayed till I left home at 18 I moved around the world and by the time Nan was in her 80 s I was back in my home town and spent a few years visiting every day until she started falling, then I took her to live with me (by now she had dementia ) and I had three children it wasn't easy to help her but I just about managed until she died 3 years later
I ve no idea if my parents gave Nan any money for me probably not as we were all very working class with not a lot but I m very glad I had those three years living with my Nan

Yes we have our grandaughter living with us only under more tragic circumstances. She was six and was with us fortunately at the time of our sons death.sounds harsh but she did not witness his murder.
She never went back home. We have a special guardianship she is now 16 nearly 17.
Perhaps you can speak to the parents and sort things out. I would certainly do it.

I agree. Do it. Make sure you get the child allowance. You won't be sorry but make sure you lay down the ground rules (teenager) how lovely you must be if she would rather be with you
Best of luck. X

Sheilasue what a terrible thing to happen. How lucky that your grandaughter had you. It certainly puts my problems into perspective

Have been reading the other posts and think it's great that your grandchild wants to live with you, but remember you will be looking after a child whose hormones are going to be raging through their bodies. Also, your relationship may change as at the moment you are not the one responsible for deciding the house rules e.g. what time they can stay out to. I remember my youngest daughters early teenage years well. I was the only mother in the whole town who made their daughter come in at a 'reasonable' time, the only mother in town who would not let their daughter go here and there and so on. I was only put on this world to stop her having any fun! Make sure that is not the reason she wants to live with you, that she sees you as a 'soft' touch. I am sure she is a lovely girl, but teenagers can suddenly become manipulating in order to get what they want. I think the idea of a trial period is wise so you both have a 'get out' clause if things don't work out as you both hoped. Good luck if it does go ahead, I must admit I am slightly jealous that your grandchild wants to live with you, would love one of mine to ask. Although the reality might not be the same lol!

You may have to prove "family breakdown" to claim Child Benefit or Tax Credits. It can get quite complicated, especially when the child goes to 6th form college or Uni. and claims grants and loans.

How frustrating *Nannarose*. You say my post is inaccurate but then fail to provide any meaningful information.

Ok. I will break it down for you nana rose.

Child benefit £137.50
Child tax credit for one child £2780 a year which is £282 a month. This is if the OP is earning less than £16,105 a year. More than that, the award will fall.

Equalling more than £400 a month.

This is an area I know about! 2 children and receiving CB and CTC.

It's not limited to parents. It's for those with responsibility for a child (ren) under 16.

Do her parent's know she has asked you this? They may be horrified and upset.

Oh and my point about being dependant on still going to same school was nothing to do with benefits. It was related to me saying "do it!"

I am sure my eldest GD would, she is always asking to stay longer. She likes the peace and quiet, she says that nobody shouts in our house.

The fact your granddaughter has asked to come and live with you indicates the arrival of another brother or sister for her means space in the family home will be even more limited. At fourteen she is a young woman and she needs her own space to do the things fourteen year olds like to do, have friends round or visit them ?.
Do you feel able to cope?It is a large responsibility.

Yes, whoever looks after the child and who she lives with should receive the Child Benefit at least.

PS Are you happy to be responsible for a 14 year old living in town - they can be quite wayward and difficult - although I realise that not all will be.

Is your granddaughter presently living with both her parents, or a step-parent - and full, or step-siblings? The shift in the family dynamic may differ as a result. How old is the next eldest, how does that child feel about becoming the eldest child in residence with the family? Could there be a possibility they too may ask to live with you?

Oh Sheila, so sorry for the tragic loss of ds! But agree with Deedaa that your gd is very fortunate to have you!

Tiredoldwoman, I'm going to echo the question about whether or not the parents are on board with this. If you don't know, better to find out first, imo, before you give this any serious consideration.

If they are on board and it's really about "overcrowding," then it may be a beautiful thing to do - providing that the parents can and will cover the cost of gd's clothes, school supplies, etc.

After that, if you can just remember that gd could find herself missing home and wanting to move back, imo, you can take some joy in knowing you are/were there for her when she needs/needed it.

Generally agree with other comments. However, make absolutely sure that the extra expense is covered by her parents/child benefit etc.
Don't kid yourself that it won't cost much extra, teenagers eat for England, watch tv into the small hours, take long hot showers and if she's still with you once she officially becomes an adult you'll lose your single occupancy council tax discount as well.
Do some very careful calculations before taking this on.
And, if her home is overcrowded now it's hardly going to improve if there's a new baby on the way.

Would you not get financial help from your GD's parents?

Also if you are going to be the main carer then Child Benefit should be paid to you.

HOWEVER there are other things to think about

Do you have the energy because I know that after a days babysitting I need a days rest!!

If you do have the energy it might be a good thing for both of you.

I lived with my Nan when I was little and I loved it and really did not want to go back home, nothing wrong with my parents, but just preferred it at my Nans.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

You can always come to gransnet if you ever need any advice or support

You asked if anyone is doing something similar tiredoldwoman.
I look after vulnerable adults in my own home through a charity. They are between 16 and 21 and have usually run away from bad homes and bad parents, the criteria is that"they cannot remain in the family home for any reason). A lot have been abused and have self harmed.
Here they have their own room, which is their responsibility to keep clean and tidy. They are safe and start to relax, they return to full time education. I teach them, as we go along to wash clothes, clean kitchen and bathroom and cook etc.
I am 69 now and have been doing this for 17years. I have two young people at a time. There have been only a couple of naughty ones over the years,(they have to leave) most have been pretty easy
and are lovely girls who go on to have jobs and live independently.
Give it a go with your delightful Gd. Make ground rules and stick to them. I think you will enjoy it.

Ofcourse you can do it, like Bambam my life revolves around 5 with special needs 34 to 12 (all adopted) I am 74 yikes! The 12 and 18 year old have complex health needs and are hard work, the oldest 3 have Down Syndrome and are a delight.
As Bambam says stick to your ground rules and enjoy you certainly not be lonely and good luck!

tiredoldwomen What have you decided?

Over the years, I have had all five granddaughters living with me for various periods. Some were financed, some I claimed child credit for (never again, I ended up owing them money when my income went up a little). The last two are still with me - one is at uni but here for the never-ending holidays, the other is at work. My daughters have been involved at all times with no difficulties (mum's house - mum's rules, nana's house - nana's rules). It is a bit of a rollercoaster at times but I have never regretted it. Good luck!