Will i lose contact with my grandchildren ?

Ellie Anne, I feel for you. From my experience, the daughter-in-law is in control. I never thought that I would find myself in the position of being cut off from my grandchildren. I have looked after them every Christmas, due to my son and daughter-in-law's work commitments, also evenings, weekends and school holidays. I have now been cast aside as if I don't exist and we grandparents don't have any rights. Good luck and I shall pray for you.

Eglantine that is a very good point. I must be careful not to do that.

Nannyshell59, What leads you to such rubbish? Ellie Anne said nothing to lead to what you are espousing.

Ellie Anne that must feel so painful. I can understand your fear. It's normal to feel a little jealous and fearful under these circumstances. In my experience the biggest problems arise through lack of communication. If it were me I would talk to both the parents and tell them that you are fearful of losing contact. I'm sure once it's verbalised they can be mindful of your feelings.

I hope it's resolved. Keep the lines of communication open and I'm sure your relationship with them all will improve. X

I think mothers of sons do lose out a little, as a daughter tends to gravitate towards her parents more than a son. My mother always used to say 'A daughter's a daughter all of her life, a son is a son 'til he gets him a wife' Like you I had a lot of contact with my son's boys, but after they moved to Scotland I only saw my three grandsons once a year when they came to stay in the holidays, but they didn't want to come this year. However they did go on holiday with DIL's parents who do not have so far to travel. DS is breaking up with DIL now so I don't know how that will pan out. I always make special birthday cards for them which accord with their developing interests, and put all my love in that. By contrast I see my daughter's children two or three days a week, compared to SIL's parents who see them occasionally. I guess it's just the way of the world.

Ellie Anne
Stop worrying yourself girl... I have two GC... I used to look after the eldest after nursery for four years AND I was working ( so had to re-arrange work hours). He disappeared to school and 'after school club ' and I missed him terribly despite all the work involved. Then out pops GD, and it all started again. Except with her I used to have her at mine two days a week as they couldn't afford full time nursery for her. I went part-time to accommodate it all. I have an invalid husband (stroke) and that's been twenty two years ongoing AND I don't drive!! Now both kids are at school but I've just committed to taking the youngest to-and-from two days a week...which means getting up at 6 , walking or cycling three miles ...taking her to school ... coming back home to get husband sorted for the day... bussing ( 2 buses) back to daughters' picking up GD... worrying GS is OK walking along v. busy main road coming home alone ... then cooking their dinner while awaiting first parent to get home. Getting 2 buses back home cooking for husband and me and then falling onto bed to read ( my best thing), love it.. love it all. Soon they won't need me/ or my arthritis will lay me low, and that'll be my usefulness gone. The other three mornings a week I swim... to keep fit for the hubby and grandchildren. My back bedroom has bunks for them and a box of old toys from charity shop. My garden is untidy but I installed a football goal for them and a swing ball thingy... they have fun digging and weeding and I get the help I need. They are impeccably behaved (did I mention my daughter is a child psychologist) and they are rough and ready kids. Their experiences with nursery and care clubs and being shunted from pillar to post has done then no harm. YOUR GC Ellie Anne love YOU and always will . I sometimes wish my two had another Grandparent to share the load ... but guess I'm just lucky!

Fishpieplease - that really tickled me!

Being friends with the other GPs is always a good idea. They are indirectly family after all.

I wish there was a better term for this relationship than 'The Other Grandparents', My Daughter's In-Laws or my Son-in-Laws Parents. It makes them sound like the opposition before you start - and is very cumbersome in introductions.

Ellie Anne, I hope things stay the same seeing GC or better for you- you never know what is round the corner. I had a bit of a journey accepting my DIL's parents see my GS more than me, they seem to live at my GS house. although I like them both, occasionally oppo grandma will say things like
" We want to make the very most of our GC so we see them as often as possible" - I don't think think she thinks that I might like to do that? ! However , it has been much easier since I accepted that DILs parents have more input, and I don't feel my oppos relationship is that happy, so what happens when GC grow up? On a lighter note, when dropping my GS this week, my son said " all he has talked about for days is seeing Grandma" despite seeing oppos all weekend. (I use the term Oppos lightly, they are wonderful grandparents, and I am able to swap days with them quite easily, I am glad they are as good as they are.)

EllieAnne you are getting some good advise here, you have not been cut off, but wise to be careful. Good luck x

Nannyshell so sorry for your plight, I am in the same sad boat. How old are your GC? Take no notice of Norah, her 4 AD have cut-off all contact with their husbands families, so she has no understanding or empathy.

So the kids are 9 & 4... then soon enough, Ellie, the older one will be busy with pre-teen and then teenage friends and activities and have less time for any gps. But both of them are old enough to remember the good times they've had with you, no matter what happens now, and will probably contact you on their own, sometimes, when they get older. No need to worry.

Nannyshell, my heart goes out to you! It sounds as if something happened that led to ds and dil deciding not to turn to you for childcare anymore. A big blowup, perhaps? A sharp disagreement over discipline? Or maybe the kids just aged out of needing a childminder and ds and dil have just blown you off since? Either way, I'm so sorry. (((Hugs!)))

Saggi and Opelessgran - great attitudes!

Yoga, I understand your concerns about Norah's comment to Nannyshell. It was harsh and uncalled-for. However, I think you're mistaken in saying "her 4 AD have cut-off all contact with their husbands families..." I think it's her sils, themselves, who co their own parents.

Staylady and Yogagirl, Nannyshell59, said: "I feel for you. From my experience, the daughter-in-law is in control". That is just rubbish and not at all to what EllieAnne post. She said d in laws parents both work, there will be need EllieAnne to help, she will not lose contact unless that is what she wants to happen.

Oh. Sorry, Norah, but it wasn't clear to me before what you were calling "rubbish." Now I see.

As usual, you don't know what your talking about Starlady

Norah, once again you have ridiculed someone's post who is suffering loss of contact with her gc, Nannyshell is not in your position, of having four daughters and their chikdren to themselves, all your four daughters have a no contact with husband's family, that must be some sort of record, just how you can be so unkind I don't know. Do you ever for one second not consider those four sets of grandparents who share your gc and how they must feel.
All those grandparent going through this need all their strength and people's support just going on each day, as it is like a living bereavement when contact is severed.

"As usual, you don't know what your talking about Starlady"

Because I said it was Norah's sils who cut their own parents out? Isn't that what she told us?

Norah?

Yes Norah did tell us that Starlady, but I and other posters used our brains, to deduced that 4D without in-laws is not normal and therefore has to come from the D's, with help from Norah if only through Norah's silence.

Well put Luckylegs

Luckylegs9 , it is a rubbish and untrue old sentiment the "daughter is a daughter" bit, I did not say she should not feel sad, just the phrase is false.

Of course I am silent, I do not tell my Daughters what to tell their Husbands to do. That way is folly.

If we're using the logic that says that common factors are the cause.
That means that if one parent has multiple AC estranged that it's that's persons fault ?

Right?

Isn't that just a matter of posting an opinion as "fact," Yoga? Does itt matter that it's a collective opinion or how it was ""deduced." If one doesn't know the people, wasn't on the scene when the cos happened and doesn't have any concrete evidence, then it's still just an opinion, to my understanding.

I can see saying, "I think..." or "It seems to me..." But to state it as a fact? To me, that seems unfair to Norah and her dds.

Or the nasty s.i.l being the common factor, in my case anyway. Bibbity been off to sharpen your tounge?

So now you're trying to say that someone else outside was to blame?
'But I and other posters can use our brains' to work out 2 children cutting out a mother is not normal and therefore it has to be the mother....

Pot meet kettle?

Why doesn't that same excuse apply to Norah?

Norah you can't rubbish Nannyshell's comment about controlling d's.i.l. when she said she was speaking from her own experience. Our experience is the same, it is our d.i.l. whose pulling the strings.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that it's your D's who are responsible for their husbands having no contact with their parents but because that isn't the case in your family, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

There's only one thing I can think of that's worse than being estranged from one AC and that's to be estranged from two or in some cases more.

Make no mistake Bibbity of the extent some AC who've CO their parents will go to to try and disrupt the relationships their parents have with their siblings. At one point we thought we'd lose our DS too, such was the extent of their lies and determination. Thank God that he saw what they were up to before it was too late.

Some are not as fortunate, a GN being one of them which is no doubt why you made your post Bibbity; shame on you.