Moody grand-daughter

If DD and SiL have been "pandering to her" all her life, there's no point you trying to say anything against it now.

On various threads, on GN, people have said that something generally considered ungrammatical is actually part of normal speech in their area.

Don't allow your DGD's mood to dictate how you feel. It is disconcerting if she behaves illogically but it's best just to let it flow past you.

As others have said, your recent loss may be affecting your own moods and reactions. Please try to keep harmony with your family.

Im actually dyslexic

Maybe your grand daughter is struggling or knows someone whos struggling with their grammer. Maybe she knows how hard and difficult it is and your comment about it made her upset.

I would definitely distance yourself.

" I told them to stop pandering to her, to stop making excuses for her." Gosh - I think it is you who should be apologising.

It is not your place to tell them how to parent their own child; it is entirely their choice.

You made my day "harrigran"! I actually laughed. The conversation we were having just before the upset was about grammar. GD was saying that everyone spoke differently and we all agreed that accents were fine as long as the grammar was correct. And she got all moody again! I don't expect an apology from little madam but SIL. She probably will apologise but it won't be genuine. SIL knows better and both he and daughter have often asked my advice in all sorts of things including the children' s behaviour. IMO, if more grand parents would chastised the GC for bad manners, we would have a more polite society. Anyway, thanks for all the replies.

You was rude, really ? if you are going to tell someone off at least make it grammatically correct.

An apology for what? You was rude first!

If she was acting like an hormonal teenager you should of left her alone, you tried to 'cheer her up' and it backfired spectacularly.
You was then was rude to her and made her cry and her dad stood up for her.

If anyone should be apologising its you.

I'm not quite sure who you want to make the apology. Your GD for being moody, your SIL for getting angry and protesting against you or your daughter for not siding with you?

First I m really sorry to hear about your husband and think that may have had a lot of bearing on this situation

Kids go through horrible moody times in their young lives, far more than we did, there is such a lot of pressure on them I have often had spoilt trips with mood or tired kids being where they don't really want to be Going through it at the moment with a 14 year old grandaughter Granson was dreadful, a real 'Kevin' but now at 16 seems to be coming out of it wonderfully and seems human again
I remember my manager at my last job saying her 13 year old went up to bed an angel one night, and came down the devil incarnate the next day and the angel disappeared for at least two years

Best left alone if she was in tears which you see as a tactic she may have been unhappy with herself and banning her to another room must have been red rag to a bull and seriously your son in law was right to feel you handled it wrongly I think your daughter is very calm to agree to differ and move on and I also think that's good advice
Don't wait for an apology forget it and move on and if it happens again keep your views to yourself and ignore her moodiness

Rolande I am sorry to read that you recently lost your DH - a few months is not long ago. I wonder if tiredness / sadness have perhaps made you snap when previously - over a long history it seems - you have kept silent about your DGD's behaviour? It's not that her bad behaviour was ok - it just seems to be a golden rule that as GPs we have to keep silence over some things ...

I am glad your DD phoned and that she is trying to help the situation forward with you and it would be sadder still if this caused you to be distant from family at a time when their closeness and support could be what you most need.

I can remember once when my parents were critical of my son's behaviour, even though they had a point, - how difficult that was for me. Parents can often be anxious about doing a good job and if fault is found by a close family member it can feel very painful.

As your DD has offered the olive branch, I hope you can accept it over time and put this behind you.

Difficult but she is their daughter and they accept her being a Kevinette, let the apology go, your emotions must be so very raw

Its very difficult, I think, because, moody or not, I would not have been allowed to behave like that at my Nans home! I wouldn't have dared, and wouldn't have wanted to face my mums wrath. Times have changed so much: its difficult to accept sometimes.

honestly I've never believed its a Grandparents job to chastise Grandchildren ,the child may have always been that way but things get ramped up when they hit puberty and no matter what YOU think of it you should have said nothing.You had your time of parenting ,now leave them to theirs .

I agree with what the other posters have said. And I wooouldn't push the apology isue...

Rolande I would like to reply to you as I too have experienced the moody teenage grand-daughter thing.
In my case, DGD is twelve but recently started periods, so she is definately going up and down due to that.
In your case it would appear that your grand-daughter has always used moodiness/tantrums to get her own way.
However you feel inside, it never goes down well if you critisise your DD and SILs parenting skills.
If you lost your husband fairly recently you must be feeling very bereaved and lonely, and things can seem out of proportion.
Perhaps keep your thoughts to yourself in the name of family harmony.
I hope you feel more like your old self as time goes by.

Try not to take it personally. As you say, she has found this behaviour to work to her advantage, and you're probably still very fragile from your loss. It probably is best to ignore your granddaughter, if you can manage it. It would be a shame to end up with a family rift. Maybe her parents will have had a word with her about it?