Social services

Oh dear foxie bad advice to keep SS out of loop.

My son and his ex-wife had my gd very young. The mum was a very troubled girl and although she (admirably) breastfed her baby for about 15 months, she left her with me a lot and my gd lived with my husband & me on & off for 11 years, until she was old enough to have a key to her dad's house. Social Services never had to be involved. She is grown up now, and we love her to bits. I did used to worry that I made it too easy for her mum to leave her, and that I was interfering with them bonding, but I also tried to make sure that my gd was safe and had continuity in her life.

My son and his ex-wife had my gd very young. The mum was a very troubled girl and although she (admirably) breastfed her baby for about 15 months, she left her with me a lot and my gd lived with my husband & me on & off for 11 years, until she was old enough to have a key to her dad's house. Social Services never had to be involved. She is grown up now, and we love her to bits. I did used to worry that I made it too easy for her mum to leave her, and that I was interfering with them bonding, but I also tried to make sure that my gd was safe and had continuity in her life.

My ex-husband grew up believing his mother was his sister, his grandmother was his mother, with SS having no involvement at all until it all went horribly wrong. His biological mother decided she wanted him back when he was 12 (she'd get more benefits for him) just as he reached an age where he wasn't really capable of making a sensible decision but was an angry boy because of all the lies that had been told. The upshot was he went back to his mother and his life spiralled downhill from there so he is still feeling the effects years later. I would seek help from a family matters solicitor who has knowledge of these things so you can come to a decision about what is the best thing for the child and you know which direction you want the SS to aim for.

Maryeliza54 you don't have to involve social services at all. You can make arrangements for children without them.

But I thought the OP wanted shared parental responsibilities ?

My daughter got in trouble with SS for neglecting my grandson, even though I done a lot of caring for him. In the end I had to go through the ordeal of an SGO (Special guardianship order) It gives you enhanced PR Its a harrowing journey, everything has to be the truth, they do an enhanced police record thingy, ask you loads of personal questions, you have a full medical and its a pretty long process. It worked out food in the end though as my 3 year old grandsons still living with me and my hubby, and hes gorgeous. Hes happy and thriving here thankfully, but me and him was always close. I got his first smile, steps etc.

Hello Flunkeil, there are some positive comments from people who've had experience with children's services which I hope will reassure you.
As everyone has said, any sw will focus on supporting children to stay within their family. It sounds as though your daughter would support securing her little girls life with you. Taking legal advice is a good idea though I realise its expensive. The Family Rights Group have a good website where you will find advice on the legalities of Special Guardianship Orders. Nightowl has set out what that means and how it works.
Some people have suggested you just let the situation run but my anxiety about that is that your daughter could arrive at any time and take her daughter to live with her. Currently, your daughter is the only person with Parental Responsibility so no one could stop her unless the law in the form of a Police Protection Order or some kind of emergency order under the Children Act was made. That kind of upheaval is the last thing any family needs. Best of luck.

Flunkiel I have to agree with the advice given by Iam. My other concern is that, as your daughter is the only one with pr, she is the only one who can make decisions about things such as schools, applying for a passport, and importantly, about medical treatment including in the case of emergency. This may be manageable while your daughter is supportive of you and while she is easily contactable, but could cause problems if her situation changes. I have come across situations where urgent medical treatment was needed and the person with pr could not be contacted - this too is the last thing you need to have to worry about. For your GDs sake I urge you to secure her place with you and give her the legal security she deserves to reinforce the emotional security you have provided throughout her life so far

Contact www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/our-new-look for help and advice with caring for your GD. I wish I had known about this amazing organisation over 13 years ago when my DD asked SS to put my only GC into care for a "short time" as I was about to go on holiday. DGD was just 6 months old and they lived with me but DD wasn't coping. I was working full time then and in my early 50s. SS thought I was too old ? To care for a baby etc and it took nearly 7 months to get her home plus reams of paper work written late at night after work, Court appearances, home inspections etc. Fortunately I was allowed a solicitor for free after my initial court appearance or it would have cost me thousands. I'm not sure if this is still possible. I was finally awarded a Residence Order by the Court, DD moved out and I gave up work to look after my DGD full time. Maybe I should have applied for a Special Guardianship but had found the whole thing so draining I didn't want to ever go to Court again!! Our SW was fairly supportive during the 7 months, but soon after she withdrew from our lives and hasn't been in touch since. Meanwhile my DGD grew into a delightful toddler with bags of confidence. Life hasn't always been easy, but she is now almost 14 and is doing exceptionally well at school, earning loads of academic awards and has represented her secondary school many times in her 2 years there, often speaking in front of peers or even large groups of adults, with confidence. I am very proud of her, though having a teenager at home can be hard work! I would do it all again if necessary.
Grandparents Plus will advise you on the best way forward and how to get financial support and how to apply for PR or Guardianship etc. There may be a local group in your area, but there is lots of information on their website and you can always email them for more personal advice or phone them on 0300 123 7015. They help grandparents, or other close relatives, who look after GC or who have lost touch with GC, or are simply helping out with childcare. Good Luck x

I am a foster carer so have regular contact with SS. Our experience has been positive. SS are very in favour of family fostering a child where it is at all practicable. SS try to minimise the disruption to a child's life but I think they may try to re-build your DD's relationship with your dgd. Do not be afraid to go to SS and seek support. Once they fully understand your position and see your dgd with you they will help you to put fostering on a more formal footing.

I would advise you again to get social services involved so that permanency can be put in place legally , the last thing you want is the scenario of your daughter returning and yet still not being in a position to care for lo and then a court battle ensuing afterwards , believe me , this is nearly breaking me and I would not want anyone to go through this stress and pain and worry etc so get little one settled legally ASAP