Any advice is appreciated!DIL at a loss here!!

Your baby, your rules - tell her politely but firmly that you will no longer tolerate unacceptable (snide) remarks or behaviours. Maybe your husband needs to let his mum know you are his wife and support you - to tell his mum not to ignore your requests, that your baby is not her child and she has no right to try a takeover bid as such. If she, or anyone else, cannot respect your wishes then I would just tell them once you expect your wishes to be respected and will not entrust the care of your baby to them when they have proved they cannot be trusted. Concentrate on your own health, time with your baby etc - if needs be cut them off as it doesn't sound like your baby will in any way benefit from contact with a family of sniping disrespectful bitches. Personally I'd just tell her to fuck off unless she has a major attitude change!

DILseekingadvice. I recently saw a baby who had contracted herpes through being kissed by someone with a coldsore and was very poorly. Unfortunately, I cannot find the story at present but I am sure another Gransnetter may come across it and it should strengthen your point about all and sundry kissing DD.

If I were you two move out of state. Your MIL has no right saying or treating you this way and it’s up to your husband to lie down ground rules and if she disrespects that she needs not to be in your lives. Sorry I am a MIL and have no problem with my DIL. I respect her rules and are welcome to stay there anytime whether my son is there or not.

Where's Gransnet gone? I seem to be on mumsnet

Where's Gransnet gone? I seem to be on mumsnet

This is an inordinately nasty situation which needs careful attention. The more your treatment by all of them deteriorates and the more you mention this to your partner the more he is likely to misjudge the whole matter, even to doubt what you say.

Therefore you need evidence. For that you will have to set up a recording system with microphones hidden in strategic places. As they appear determined to separate you three you will have to brace yourself, first by replaying recordings to your partner and then again with them and your partner in the same room.

This may seem draconian but the alternative will be more and more unhappiness, even worse. You must take control and fight for what you want - which is the three of you left alone until and unless they are forced to stop this evil disparagement.

This is an inordinately nasty situation which needs careful attention. The more your treatment by all of them deteriorates and the more you mention this to your partner the more he is likely to misjudge the whole matter, even to doubt what you say.

Therefore you need evidence. For that you will have to set up a recording system with microphones hidden in strategic places. As they appear determined to separate you three you will have to brace yourself, first by replaying recordings to your partner and then again with them and your partner in the same room.

This may seem draconian but the alternative will be more and more unhappiness, even worse. You must take control and fight for what you want - which is the three of you left alone until and unless they are forced to stop this evil disparagement.

lovely ladies op is saying that all her husbands family are horrible, the entire lot, so it's not just her m.i.l she want's rid of, it's all of them! Not surprising he feels angry sometimes is it! I wonder why she married him, if he, in her words, comes from such a rotten family.

lovely ladies op is saying that all her husbands family are horrible, the entire lot, so it's not just her m.i.l she want's rid of, it's all of them! Not surprising he feels angry sometimes is it! I wonder why she married him, if he, in her words, comes from such a rotten family.

Some people seem to have a very odd idea of their role as a grandmother, she will never change so just stay away as much as you can, there is no need for you to give out invitations for them to visit you - why would you. Cry off visits to them for a bit let everything calm down. If they phone you be pleasant but evasive, if your husband wishes to have a conversation with his mother about her attitude that is up to him,where is your family in all this?

Some people seem to have a very odd idea of their role as a grandmother, she will never change so just stay away as much as you can, there is no need for you to give out invitations for them to visit you - why would you. Cry off visits to them for a bit let everything calm down. If they phone you be pleasant but evasive, if your husband wishes to have a conversation with his mother about her attitude that is up to him,where is your family in all this?

Some people seem to have a very odd idea of their role as a grandmother, she will never change so just stay away as much as you can, there is no need for you to give out invitations for them to visit you - why would you. Cry off visits to them for a bit let everything calm down. If they phone you be pleasant but evasive, if your husband wishes to have a conversation with his mother about her attitude that is up to him,where is your family in all this?

Some people seem to have a very odd idea of their role as a grandmother, she will never change so just stay away as much as you can, there is no need for you to give out invitations for them to visit you - why would you. Cry off visits to them for a bit let everything calm down. If they phone you be pleasant but evasive, if your husband wishes to have a conversation with his mother about her attitude that is up to him,where is your family in all this?

Don't know why my comment appears twice

Don't know why my comment appears twice

Oh dear. You seem to have my contribution in duplicate. Sorry.

Oh dear. You seem to have my contribution in duplicate. Sorry.

Your husband must tell her that if she continues in the same manner then she will not see any of you. He must stand his ground whatever her reaction. He must tell her she abides strictly to your rules or contact will be stopped. No messing about here. If she is then nasty to you, remember you hold the ace in the pack - DD and really strongly stand up to her and reiterate your husband's (hopefully stance). Very good luck.

Your husband must tell her that if she continues in the same manner then she will not see any of you. He must stand his ground whatever her reaction. He must tell her she abides strictly to your rules or contact will be stopped. No messing about here. If she is then nasty to you, remember you hold the ace in the pack - DD and really strongly stand up to her and reiterate your husband's (hopefully stance). Very good luck.

What a nightmare! I have no advice that hasn’t already been said here. I’d be inclined to avoid your MiL like the plague for my own peace of mind. I must have been incredibly lucky, I’ve been married twice and have had two of the most wonderful, loving MiLs on the planet. Good luck ?

What a nightmare! I have no advice that hasn’t already been said here. I’d be inclined to avoid your MiL like the plague for my own peace of mind. I must have been incredibly lucky, I’ve been married twice and have had two of the most wonderful, loving MiLs on the planet. Good luck ?

When someone crosses your personal boundaries without your permission they are disrespecting you.

From your post, your MIL seems to have no concept of boundaries and has crossed, no....actually trampled on yours, repeatedly. This is your house, your baby and your rules when it comes to parenting, housekeeping etc. If she tries to undermine you, criticize you, or run your household/take over your baby without your consent, she is trespassing.

You and your DH need to sit her down and have a talk with her. You both need to 'educate' her so she understands about respecting boundaries and why she's behaving badly.

If after a few weeks, there is still no improvement, remind her of your talk. You may want to offer incentives first to see if she improves. If not, give her an ultimatum. Let her know (in no uncertain terms) that if she doesn't change her ways, there will have to be consequences.

I can relate. I wish I had been so much firmer from the beginning, but I was brought up to respect elders. I’m telling u what I learned from assertiveness classes. Have one short phrase planned, and practice it. Eg. }” that is unacceptable to us “. Or .” Please do not do/ say that” . What Luckygirl says is good advice. Because u r partner is on your side u will succeed. Get him to say the same phrase, don’t go into explanations because that dilutes the effect. Then walk away with baby, even if only into another room. Keep doing it, it’s called the broken record technique. You must not let them treat u like a doormat, they will walk over u forever. Good luck.

I can see you want the best for your family and you're looking for a harmonious solution. There's nothing wrong with you. You sound a nice person who has been brought up with good manners. Like me, you might be on the sensitive side, which is no bad thing. I've had to put up with 2 bullies, my sister-in-law and her husband for many years. Luckily, I see a lot less of them now. It's always hard to confront an aggressive person. I tried to stand up for myself, but it led to the other party going into a massive rage and she tried to hit out at me. My best advice for you is to try an assertive class. See if you can work things out in a non-confrontational way. I went to a few classes and it helped. Even if I found it hard to use the techniques and speak out at the time I was being put-down, at least I was fully aware of the motives of the aggressor. This gradually increased my confidence and made me more in control. There's still a chance you can put things right!

Mine has gone now but I always tried to keep a spare County between me and her. Worked admirably