My granddaughter is just turned four. I haven't seen her since she was six months old. How often I read the words "I don't know what I've done", but in my case I truly don't. Prior to her birth, I was as close to my DIL as she would allow me to be, but that was fine. I'm a widow, and geographically I'm a great distance from my son, who has actually never lived at home since he left for University many years ago. Despite that, we have an extremely close relationship, especially since my husband died. I was so happy when, after concentrating for years on his career, he married. His wife was always just a little withdrawn, and I adjusted my attitude so I didn't overwhelm her. I arranged some fabulous holidays and invited them, which went really well, and she seemed to enjoy coming to my home.
Things started to change when she became pregnant. I bought all the things for the baby that she asked for, and she seemed really happy. Early in her pregnancy, I became very ill, diagnosed with Sepsis and spent three and a half months in hospital. During that time she didn't visit with my son, nor did she send any get well message or card. She went back to her own country to have the baby, so my granddaughter was six months old when I saw her....for the first and last time.
The saddest part of all this is the impact it's had on their marriage. Naturally my son fought long and hard for his child to know me. When this resulted in the most dreadful rows, I told him to back off and accept the situation, and I would do the same. My thinking was that maybe time would improve things....it hasn't and their relationship seems to be over. Things have quietened down, but that's only because she has got her own way. To protect my beloved son, I have had to give up my granddaughter. I will not be responsible for the unhappiness of either of them, so he comes home alone.
I wrote this post mainly to illustrate how easily lives - and relationships - can be wrecked by unkindness, selfishness, and possessiveness. At this time of year, the sadness that's always with me becomes almost too much to bear.
