Apologies

Morethan2, Iv seen the mumsnetters' take on apologies - Keep it simple. Admit what one did wrong. Promise you won't do it again. Follow through. "I'm sorry I did XYZ. I know it hurt you. It won't happen again." Then make sure it doesn't, etc. Some also suggest asking how one can make amends if that's fitting.

So I'm afraid they would agree with LLL's list. But they would give examples of what they saw as sincere apologies. IDKY LLL doesn't seem to be capable of doing that one thing.

I agree ReadyMeals that it's actions that count the most. But, ladies, judging by what I read on mn, apologies - and how they are worded - are important to many of the younger generation. Some of them won't even consider forgiving until they get what they see as a sincere apology. Of course, they expect the person to follow through by making sure not to repeat the offending behavior. But a lot of them seem to want the apology first, anyway.

We may disagree, but, in the end, if this is what ac and cil want, what else can we do? If we don't, then we may be at risk of being co.

Of course, I know that some won't forgive, anyway. Maybe there has been too much water under the bridge. Or perhaps, as some here have said, they just wanted to co, anyhow - so sad and cruel! But if an ac or cil is angry at us and we don't try the simple apology (no ifs, ands, or buts, etc.), we may not even have a chance to get past the episode. So IF we can say it and mean it, why not?

Like RM, though, I wouldn't say it if my heart weren't really in it - if, for example, like some here, I were accused of things I felt I didn't do. My words probably wouldn't ring true, anyhow, in that case.

?

Love it Oopsadaisy

All downloaded Oopsadaisy and ready for action

Don’t know that this will be helpful but I apologise if you find it annoying.

Yoga girl, I just mutter it under my breath...

Oh, I like that one Oopsadaisy, but don't think I'll use it in my class, just keep it for myself

I've laughed all the way through this thread, so funny! Blow the list of things I'd set up for this morning

Am I the only one who thinks that anyone who would cut off the people who love them without even telling them why can't really be of sound mind?

No, you're not the only one Maggiemay. My s.i.l smoked skunk & sniffed cocaine from the age of 13yrs. I'm sure his pickled brain would be well sort after by medical scientist!

I wouldn't give a fake apology without being clear in my own mind that I was doing so and had a good reason to do so (Eg I had stuffed up at work and it was someone else's fault but I decided to fake an apology rather than rock the boat any further). Otherwise, if I don't feel sorry, I don't apologise. On the whole I don't really take much notice of apologies given to me either - I judge by actions not words. If I think it's worth giving a person another chance I do so whether or not they apologise, and if I think a person will never change then I tell them their apology is useless .

Such funny replies Nonnie do American's spell Love; Laove, as well as mum & mom?

Another good quote JAW from JL

Love that quote Janeainsworth I'm going to use it for my class life lesson this week, thanks.

Only read first couple of posts...but will plough on ....

Think you've hit the nail on the head there Geri; after all, "love is never having to say you're sorry"! And that quote is as unrealistic and outdated as LLL's list of non apologies. I'd be very interested if LLL would pop back on here to give all us poor schmucks a tutorial in the correct way to offer, and accept, an apology. don't he/she will though

This post sounds like something out of a pseudo-psychological thesis from the psychodynamic (Freudian) counselling perspective circa 1990s, in other words its all the fault of the mother even when you say it isn't. You can't argue against it as its unfalsifiable, and you are in denial if you refuse to accept the interpretation of the almighty therapist. Shame we have no exemplars of the perfect apology we should all strive for, but maybe the OP is keeping that to themselves as we can't be trusted with that knowledge. Or maybe in perfect relationships there should be no need for an apology in the first place? (and therapists would be out of a job)

I take your point, ja. But it would have to be a computer that can't spell...

janeainsworth I think you've hit the nail on the head there.

LLL doesn't sound like a listener to me...
Blinko I cannot help suspecting the reason could be that LLL’s posts are computer generated.

I wish I was clever enough to cut and paste this onto our younger site mumsnet it would be interesting to get their take on it.
I’m glad my own daughter didn’t end up in the hands of someone like LLL or our estrangement would never have been healed.

Rather than continue to "make petty points about spellchecking", I am giving up banging my head against a brick wall.

I also took a vow,
Do no harm, but take no S**t.

I agree!

I think that this is for some University Thesis.
Throw it out there and see people’s reactions to your theory. Write it up and voila! A 2/1 or maybe a 2/2.

I should’ve proof read, there needs to be an edit button, sorry

Lll You want us to answer, however you haven’t answered are most basic questions
1. Are you a mother
2. Are you a grandmother
3. Are you estranged from someone
4. Have you estranged someone
5. Are you hurting and looking for
Suppor
6. Is your research you are gaining for
a paper, and you have no interest
in supporting us at all

What’s the point of this long and lengthy thread ?
Self-justification?
Psychological projection?

Agree Blinko