When's the next one coming?

My daughter has always said since about 16 that she would have a child when she was 30....she was 30+ 1 month when my grandson showed up. I never asked about another and after about three years she said she'd have another child at 35.... and my granddaughter popped out at 35. ! She has always planned her life like this! The first was born in the Easter school holidays...and the second in the Christmas school holidays..... Both parents work in schools!? When I asked recently if a Summer school holiday baby was imminent my daughter scowled. So that's my lot ... a gorgeous grandson and a beautiful granddaughter! How thankful for two happy healthy wonderful new kids on the block!

I never thought I would become a Granny as my DD was in a same sex relationship. I was delighted when she told me that provided they could find a suitable donor they wanted a baby. Along came DGS1 & I was delighted as DD has always loved children (trained Nursery Nurse/Nanny). We were content with 1 DGS , more than we ever expected.

DD always wanted another baby but had moments of do I/don't I. I never interfered, never asked, I'm just grateful that I have 2 gorgeous DGSs & my DM is a Great Granny. It's no-one else's business what a couple decide on when or whether your DD or DS & their OH have children. I would never have asked neither did my DM.

Our DS (our only child ) and DDiL were in their late 30s when DGD arrived. DH & I were fortunate enough to be able to fly 5000 miles to them, to give support. (DH & I had never, ever, asked about babies. Not always easy!) We kept quiet & were equally delighted when DGS arrived, a couple of years later. So glad I always bit my tongue & didnt ask!

When first GC was born I didn't visit for two days as she had CS. We helped with discharge from hospital and then left them to it because they thought that was what they wanted. DIL rang me the next day and asked me to buy things and take them to the house, I am not sure she really needed extra cot sheets I think she just needed someone to be there.
When second GC was born we went to stay with the family as elder one had to be taken to nursery, thankfully an elective CS so we could make arrangements. We didn't see baby for 24 hours after birth but that was fine as we were needed elsewhere.
I never made a fuss about wanting GC it mostly came from friends who used to tell DS "your mum is longing to be a granny" er no I wasn't. DD does not have children and I never ever asked when she was going to make me a granny. I only ever wanted DC to be happy and my feelings did not come into the equation.

Totally and unacceptably intrusive.
Our chilren’s purpose in life is not to provide us with grandchildren. Cf providing an heir for Royals and the aristocracy.
I worry at the obsession of some Grans with their children’s procreative habits.
Not our business!

These are unbelievable comments.
It's like asking them about their sex life.
None of your business.
Your children aren't there to churn out grandchildren for you and the pressures on families today are very different from when I was a mum of smallies in the 60s 70s 80s and 90s.
That sort of intrusiveness is very rude UNLESS the couple or person concerned starts the conversation. They're adults entitled to a private life and what (if any) difficulties they encounter regarding having children, be they physical or financial, should not IMO, be the subject of inquisitive parents conversations.

Quote' I am absolutely not going to bring up the subject' Yet it is 'hovering' as you would not have come to GN.
Quote 'The suspense is getting hard to bear' how do others cope ?.We get ourselves a life that is how. Do you have a partner ? ,friends,? interests?.You cannot centre your life around having more grandchildren .I cannot imagine your family would want this for you.

My ds and dil waited 12 yrs before having a child. I desperately wanted a grandchild but NEVER mentioned it to either of them. Absolutely their business and nothing to do with anybody else.

Chill out JackyB, it’s none of our business whether our adult kids choose to have kids or when or how many. It’s our business as family to support each other in bad times and rejoice in good times, to be there for each other whatever turns life makes.
So, relax and enjoy what you have, be happy and surprised if there is a happy ‘announcement’, be supportive and loving if there is a sad confidence made to you. Be helpful, pleasant, friendly and relaxed, make sure your familial relationships are as good as you can. And be happy.

I had been married about 6 weeks when my mum asked if we were thinking of starting a family! I had no idea at the time and told her 5 years as we were saving. DD1 arrived 20 months later she must have been delighted. I made it a point never to ask about that side of things specially after having miscarriages and problems myself.

How easy it used to be to visit the new GC when everyone was stuck in hospital 10 days they were only to pleased to have all the visitors they could get.

My DM and DMil were always asking when we were going to have a baby; I hated it, and then I had two miscarriages... My DD is 35, been married nearly 6 years, it's their business whether they have a family or not, I'd never dream of asking.

I have several grandchildren, but most are overseas, and the rest are at school, so I hardly ever see them though I know they are well and happy.
Having lots is no better than having one, in my experience.

I am close to all my 3 so have always been able to joke with them, and “put in an advanced order for 3 grandkids each”. I have 5 and they have all “ shut up shop” now ... I am just so grateful for the adorable ones I have and make the most of every moment with them.

My DiL didn’t breastfeed . So no struggling involved . Just a lovely cuddle and happiness all round .

may congratulations on the birth of your dgd My first dgc was born last year, and my son became incredibly protective of both my dil and dgs too. I think it’s just their natural instincts kicking in. Let ds & dil know that you are eager to meet the new arrival as soon as is convenient for them (let them know that you will keep the visit short), and tell them to let you know if you can be of any help.I’m sure you will meet your beautiful dgd very soon.

GIlly I suppose it depends what you mean by a ‘bonding visit’. I too was fortunate enough to visit my dgs straight away, ds and dil invited me to the hospital. However visiting was only 1 hour, and I didn’t get chance to hold the baby. Dil chose breastfeeding and dgs needed to nurse.
I visited dgs again a couple of days later at home. Dgs and dil were sleeping when I arrived, dil had asked ds to wake her when I arrived, but following a very bad night, he understandably didn’t. During the 2 1/2 hour visit, I think I held dgs for about 10 minutes. Dgs needed to nurse and then they had a visit from a maternity care assistant, so I had to hand dgs back. While it was a pleasure seeing my dgs I’m not sure how much ‘bonding’ we did.
I also take into account that I was fortunate that dil was comfortable learning to breastfeed in front of me. I know from personal experience how difficult this is, I gave up after 5 weeks. And I sure as eggs are eggs didn’t want my mil (or mother for that matter) in the room while I was struggling.

Gilly You're exceptionally fortunate to live so close to your family and to have been invited to see GCs immediately after they were born.

It's not a grandparental right to have immediate, or indeed any, access to grandchildren and I don't think it's helpful to May to describe her situation as 'being forced to sit on the sidelines' when the reality is probably that her DD and SiL are simply overwhelmed emotionally themselves with the birth of their daughter and doin't feel they can cope with any visitors. Everyone feels differently at these times and the new parents' feelings should be respected.
Neither my DM nor my MiL was within 5000 miles of me when all my GC were born. They had to wait months to see them. It didn't stop either of them having the warmest, most loving relationships with my children.

I had to wait 3 weeks to see my first DGC as she was born in America. Holding her in my arms for the first time was one of the best experiences of my life.
It will be for may too, even if she has to wait a little while.

New parents are under a lot of pressure already. Mom is trying to recover from the birth, they are adjusting to being a family of three, and there may be issues with feeding. If they don't want visitors they are entitled to make that determination. They did not have a baby to make you a grandparent, they had a baby so they could be parents.

Congratulations Maryfalls! It's lovely being a grandparent - nowadays it is quite common to request no visitors at first so just bide your time. I think when both parents work they need the time to settle in with the new arrival. With ours DD1 gave birth 9 weeks early so needed a lot of family support immediately. DD2 had her first on Easter Saturday and her feckless i---t of a partner went awol so I had a scary journey to the Birth Centre with her wanting to push and stayed with her the whole time till feckless i---t turned up 3 ½ hours after his son arrived. Very special for me and she has needed a lot of help from family since.
A new thread is starting a new topic for discussion as things can get a bit mixed up.
JackyB my DD1 had to have IVF for both her children and feels very bad about her body not working so I would never ask anyone about when they are going to have babies because you just don't know what their history is and how devastating infertility can be.

Mayfalls I just meant if you started your own thread, with a title like 'new grandmother worries' you might get more replies. People will see the title of this thread 'when's the next one coming' without seeing your request for advice.
To start a new thread, click on 'active' underneath 'Gransnet Forums'. on the right of your screen it will say 'start a new discussion'. Click on the drop-down menu at the side and choose which forum you want - 'chat' is probably best.
You'll then see a box to type your message in.
That's the desktop version, it may be a bit different if you're using a tablet, but I hope that helps.
I think it's a very emotional time when new grandchildren arrive. Each one is just as special as the first! Even if you have to wait a while it will still be magical when you see your DGD and if you're patient and wait till they need your help (as they undoubtedly will) they will be extremely grateful
I do hope all goes well for you.

I really feel for you Mayfalls and consider myself to be very lucky to have such a close family that we all appreciate each others feelings . I was invited to visit immediately after my 3 grandchildren were born ( my daughter in law is very easy going) the children have been a massive part of my life ever since . I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to be forced to sit on the side lines and wait . What harm would a bonding visit make? It’s not like you’re going to steal the baby is it ? I disagree with janeA on this one .
Congratulations to you. Hope you get to visit very soon .

Sorry x posts . Definitely take your lead= from the parents and enjoy being a Grandmother!

Enjoy the family that you have. Don’t speculate on future GC that may or may not turn up. Who knows what the future may hold. Enjoy!

Thank you so much for your advice.
I am new to Gransnet and not sure what you mean by my own thread.
I have conflicted feelings. I feel I need to be there but understand their time alone is theirs.
Didn't realize it would affect me so much that's why I thought it might be instinctual.

Unfortunately sil isn't easy to get along with.
I'm very patient with him maybe too much
Very emotional time
Thx for your congrats

What your daughter and her family need is the space to settle into their new roles. They will soon ask if they need help or advice.

Mayfalls you might be better to start your own thread about this.
I’m not sure what you mean by ‘Is it ok to leave them alone for a week’.
What is ok is abiding by their wishes - this time is their precious time, not yours or the other grandparents. It’s not the time to put your feelings before theirs. The last thing you want to do is barge in when they need time to themselves.
Phone or text your DD or SiL and say you’d love to see them and help out.
Then do as you’re told.
Congratulations by the way!