When's the next one coming?

My mother put enormous pressure on all of us to have babies not so that she could do any of the care which she expressly refused to do so I never felt the need or want to pressurise my daughter in fact the opposite. DH1 had three children she couldn't afford and is now pressurising the 2 older ones to have babies so she could be a grandmother. Her eldest is making me a great gran in May - not thrilled I probably wont see much of them anyway. I was very upset when DD2 said she was pregnant. I wanted her to have a career and travel as I hadn't - to busy having babies to please mother. She had a horrible time having her only son and I always said neither she or me should have to go through that again.

I never pressured my DD to have children. They had other things to do. We now have one grandchild and know there will be no more - a decision I entirely respect - and I am grateful for him. If anything I am a little sad for him that he will have no siblings.

My son was a late starter having his son at 37 but I did tactfully ask him one day whether he thought they would have anymore one day, he said well we hope to but we shall see and I was happy with that.
So we were delighted when 3 yrs later they had a daughter a lovely little family. I don’t think they felt any pressure from us.

I had four miscarriages in between my two children. The last thing I'd have needed was people asking when the next baby was coming. If you are prone to miscarriage you don't need those kinds of comments. Just enjoy the one grandchild you have got .

Couples we know in their 40s are starting only now to have children. If yours are mid 30 s they have enough time. Maybe there are problems, but if they want to talk to you about it they will. If they don’t, keep quiet. It’s their business.
I have two grandchildren and would have liked my other child to have become a parent too, and for my Gcs to have cousins, it can’t happen, so for me there will be no more. Be happy with your gs because there are many who have none.

my daughter had 4 years of fertility treatment ,she hated people asking her when she was having her next baby..if only it was that simple .

There is a 5 year gap between my DGD1 and DGD2. The parents wanted them closer together but it took that long to get pregnant the second time. I often wondered if they wanted more than the one child but never felt it was any of my business to ask them.

My DS2 and partner have no desire to have any children so I'm making the most of the two I have

(This is in no way related to the OP, but tangentially to some of the other comments)

Of all the shenangians mum and MIL have pulled over the years, the insults, abuse and shaming they piled on me when it was thought for years I was infertile was far and away the worst.

Something that was already a terrible personal pain was magnified by all the talk of "failure" and handy words like "barren".

I mean, now apparently I have too many children and they keep screeching about abortions. But frankly that despicable conduct is easier to ignore than being kicked when I was down.

I would have given anything for family who were silent and respectful on the matter as you ladies have been. It is a great kindness to those of us who are struggling.

One manages because there is no alternative.
Give thanks for the grandchild you have and be grateful.

Sorry, but I’m lost on this one, why is this occupying your thoughts most of the time?
And why the suspense?
And why involve 3rd parties?
You have Grandchildren, be thankful for that, enjoy your own life and stop obsessing about your children’s lives, they seem happy, leave them to it.

My son and daughter-in-law have been married for five and a half years. They are great planners (5-year plan, 10-year plan etc.) and I know having children is very important to them, so I am deliberately not speculating. If things go to their (unknown to me) plan there will be an announcement eventually and if they don't I expect they will have a heart to heart with me when they're ready to discuss it.

My suggestion would be to focus on other things that are going on in your life - and continue to enjoy the lovely grandchild you already have.

Need advice on the feelings associated with being new grandma
Granddaughter was born 2 days ago
Son in law seems to be over protective of his wife and new baby
Is it ok to leave them alone for a week
I feel like I need to be with my daughter
Is it just instinct

Mayfalls you might be better to start your own thread about this.
I’m not sure what you mean by ‘Is it ok to leave them alone for a week’.
What is ok is abiding by their wishes - this time is their precious time, not yours or the other grandparents. It’s not the time to put your feelings before theirs. The last thing you want to do is barge in when they need time to themselves.
Phone or text your DD or SiL and say you’d love to see them and help out.
Then do as you’re told.
Congratulations by the way!

What your daughter and her family need is the space to settle into their new roles. They will soon ask if they need help or advice.

Thank you so much for your advice.
I am new to Gransnet and not sure what you mean by my own thread.
I have conflicted feelings. I feel I need to be there but understand their time alone is theirs.
Didn't realize it would affect me so much that's why I thought it might be instinctual.

Unfortunately sil isn't easy to get along with.
I'm very patient with him maybe too much
Very emotional time
Thx for your congrats

Enjoy the family that you have. Don’t speculate on future GC that may or may not turn up. Who knows what the future may hold. Enjoy!

Sorry x posts . Definitely take your lead= from the parents and enjoy being a Grandmother!

I really feel for you Mayfalls and consider myself to be very lucky to have such a close family that we all appreciate each others feelings . I was invited to visit immediately after my 3 grandchildren were born ( my daughter in law is very easy going) the children have been a massive part of my life ever since . I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to be forced to sit on the side lines and wait . What harm would a bonding visit make? It’s not like you’re going to steal the baby is it ? I disagree with janeA on this one .
Congratulations to you. Hope you get to visit very soon .

Mayfalls I just meant if you started your own thread, with a title like 'new grandmother worries' you might get more replies. People will see the title of this thread 'when's the next one coming' without seeing your request for advice.
To start a new thread, click on 'active' underneath 'Gransnet Forums'. on the right of your screen it will say 'start a new discussion'. Click on the drop-down menu at the side and choose which forum you want - 'chat' is probably best.
You'll then see a box to type your message in.
That's the desktop version, it may be a bit different if you're using a tablet, but I hope that helps.
I think it's a very emotional time when new grandchildren arrive. Each one is just as special as the first! Even if you have to wait a while it will still be magical when you see your DGD and if you're patient and wait till they need your help (as they undoubtedly will) they will be extremely grateful
I do hope all goes well for you.

Congratulations Maryfalls! It's lovely being a grandparent - nowadays it is quite common to request no visitors at first so just bide your time. I think when both parents work they need the time to settle in with the new arrival. With ours DD1 gave birth 9 weeks early so needed a lot of family support immediately. DD2 had her first on Easter Saturday and her feckless i---t of a partner went awol so I had a scary journey to the Birth Centre with her wanting to push and stayed with her the whole time till feckless i---t turned up 3 ½ hours after his son arrived. Very special for me and she has needed a lot of help from family since.
A new thread is starting a new topic for discussion as things can get a bit mixed up.
JackyB my DD1 had to have IVF for both her children and feels very bad about her body not working so I would never ask anyone about when they are going to have babies because you just don't know what their history is and how devastating infertility can be.

New parents are under a lot of pressure already. Mom is trying to recover from the birth, they are adjusting to being a family of three, and there may be issues with feeding. If they don't want visitors they are entitled to make that determination. They did not have a baby to make you a grandparent, they had a baby so they could be parents.

Gilly You're exceptionally fortunate to live so close to your family and to have been invited to see GCs immediately after they were born.

It's not a grandparental right to have immediate, or indeed any, access to grandchildren and I don't think it's helpful to May to describe her situation as 'being forced to sit on the sidelines' when the reality is probably that her DD and SiL are simply overwhelmed emotionally themselves with the birth of their daughter and doin't feel they can cope with any visitors. Everyone feels differently at these times and the new parents' feelings should be respected.
Neither my DM nor my MiL was within 5000 miles of me when all my GC were born. They had to wait months to see them. It didn't stop either of them having the warmest, most loving relationships with my children.

I had to wait 3 weeks to see my first DGC as she was born in America. Holding her in my arms for the first time was one of the best experiences of my life.
It will be for may too, even if she has to wait a little while.

may congratulations on the birth of your dgd My first dgc was born last year, and my son became incredibly protective of both my dil and dgs too. I think it’s just their natural instincts kicking in. Let ds & dil know that you are eager to meet the new arrival as soon as is convenient for them (let them know that you will keep the visit short), and tell them to let you know if you can be of any help.I’m sure you will meet your beautiful dgd very soon.

GIlly I suppose it depends what you mean by a ‘bonding visit’. I too was fortunate enough to visit my dgs straight away, ds and dil invited me to the hospital. However visiting was only 1 hour, and I didn’t get chance to hold the baby. Dil chose breastfeeding and dgs needed to nurse.
I visited dgs again a couple of days later at home. Dgs and dil were sleeping when I arrived, dil had asked ds to wake her when I arrived, but following a very bad night, he understandably didn’t. During the 2 1/2 hour visit, I think I held dgs for about 10 minutes. Dgs needed to nurse and then they had a visit from a maternity care assistant, so I had to hand dgs back. While it was a pleasure seeing my dgs I’m not sure how much ‘bonding’ we did.
I also take into account that I was fortunate that dil was comfortable learning to breastfeed in front of me. I know from personal experience how difficult this is, I gave up after 5 weeks. And I sure as eggs are eggs didn’t want my mil (or mother for that matter) in the room while I was struggling.

My DiL didn’t breastfeed . So no struggling involved . Just a lovely cuddle and happiness all round .