grandaughter's bath times

Some babies especially before they become mobile with all their rolls can be very rashy and whatever Mom does it will never make a difference. There’s no reason to keep saying “poor thing” it sounds like your granddaughter is very well cared and loved for.

If your son has expressed surprise that she hasn’t gone for a bath is he not capable of taking your granddaughter for a bath.

This is often the type of meddling that can make your DIL not interested in spending time with you. First of all, why is she solely responsible for bathing her child, and not your son? It's also in no way your place to mention anything. This isn't your child and your opinion isn't wanted. I'll never understand the incessant need to give unsolicited advice. I don't go to my MIL's house and tell her how to clean her stove.

And as someone else mentioned, it's recommended not to bathe children too much as it dries out their skin. My son gets a rash on the back of his neck too. It comes and goes. He's happy and healthy. Why give a judgmental opinion and cause tension over something so meaningless?

MOMOF3 i said 'poor thing' once! secondly I don't think my son wants to override my dil decision & make her doubt herself as a mother &. neither do I! he does the cooking & a lot of other things besides! thank you very much

Apparently daily bathing and talc is not recommended now due to the skin drying out. I would not worry about the rash if it goes away after cream being put on it. I think that babies can get it in hot weather. If it doesn't bother him then it should not be a problem.

FULLH3ART first of all how do YOU know my dil doesn't want to spend time with me that's just supposition on your part.We have a really good relationship & love each other dearly.I know things have changed a lot but i just think it's such a shame to miss out on one of THE special times between EITHER parent that you can have.I also wonder how you would feel sweating all day & all night again & again it's like going back to the victorian times, if it ain't broke why fix it.Also i think it relaxes them & makes them sleep better plus the fact it fills up some time at the end of the day when it's not quite bedtime & their a bit cranky i know it makes ME relaxed at the end of the day (literally) & babies are no different.Therse NO WAY i would upset my lovely dil by"incessantly interfering"did you not read my post properly or did you just pick out the negative bits as you appear to be quite defensive & aggressive I can only assume you have an interfering mil so I DO understand. I really appreciated MY mil advice which like me was VERY rare & im sure there must have been times when she had to bite her lip like we ALL do I appreciate BOTH sides & you will too when your a bit older.

autumsun Has your gd been introduced to swimming pool yet? There are usually mother and baby groups in local pools and perhaps you could offer to go with dil to help. However, it may be that your dil can’t swim and is a bit nervous of pools, but perhaps your son might persuade her that it’s a good thing for babies.

I had a slightly similar issue to you with grandchild and baths. Child was going through phase of disliking water, particularly on head, and hair was quite sticky. Mother didn’t want to force issue but I persuaded all to go to pool together. (They used to go when child was younger, but had got out of habit.) After a while playing in paddling pool, she allowed herself to be brought into deeper water and then started enjoying it. After that, baths were less of a problem.

I agree that bath time should be a fun and relaxing time for parents and children, even if not every day like we used to do.

I have a 9 month old DD who had this rash (red and quite sore looking under her chin) for around 2 months from 6/7 months old. I used every cream going and just plain old Vaseline and nothing shifted it. Then one day it cleared up and hasn't come back, doc said it was most likely a sensitivity rash and would go with age and he was right.

As for the bathing, it's really up to parents these days. Some do as part of a night time routine and others do every 2/3 days (as I do and as is recommended) as too much bathing can dry out skin as it removes natural oils, which is a problem in DDs case as she has eczema which is easily irritated by too much bathing.

Recommendations have changed these days and it might be worth having a look up on the babycenter website OP. My own mom and MIL both drove me crazy in the early days with endless 'we did it this way', 'have you tried' comments, which (whilst I know were meant kindly) were contrary to all current evidence. For instance they suggested I let DD sleep on her front/side rather than back, used blankets rather than sleep sacks, didn't support how I chose to introduce solids to DD (not a fan of jars, they taste awful!), not supportive of breastfeeding as it doesn't 'fill them up', smoking isn't that harmful! Etc. Due to this I'm reluctant to leave either of them with DD. Not saying you're the same OP but it may be worth reading up so you can be on DILs wavelength.

Oh and I know breastfeeding isn't a generational thing as it was more common in previous generations, but for some reason in my family/social circles no-one breastfeeds!

Farmor15 thanks for your advice yes shes had rash from 2 months old & yes there's the whole blanket thing so yeh i really need to catch up! although it will really take some getting used to & to be honest the more i find out the more irritated i get ! but it's very early days yet & once i get over the shock of the COMPLETE Turnaround of things i will have to learn to adjust it's not worth getting upset about more important things to worry about in the world.I Suppose the new mothers need guidance so they will obviously go with what the latest fad is that they are told i'm sure we did the same in our day.(but there's also room for using your own instincts) it's not written in stone in another 20 years it will all be completely different AGAIN & the same conversations will carry on between present day mothers & THEIR children .Its a very difficult road to negotiate for EVERYBODY.We just need to be patient not get offended & definitely no interfering. the swimming thing is a great idea & worth suggesting simple really isn't it!Just one gripe ok if the bath thing is a no no but topping & tailing doesn't seem to be mentioned either which really is just a matter of basic hygiene isn' it &would at least be meeting each other half way .Anyway lets just focus on the positive & enjoy every precious moment

sorry just one more thing can I just say i do really feel for mothers with the whole eczema thing but i know it's very common & if your doing all the right things will go of it's own accord .

But OP topping &tailing is still applying water to the skin, which can dry it out. So there is often good reason for not doing so. As a health visitor pointed out to me, babies should not sweat. They should not be allowed to get warm enough to sweat as we now know that over heating is a risk factor for SIDS. Also, my parents had the same 'it'll all change again in 20 years' attitude, until I pointed out that many of the guidelines, particularly around weaning have been going for almost that long already! And in the case of safe sleeping, have been going on for well over 20 years (back to sleep campaign, for instance, started in 1993 and reduced SIDS deaths by around 66% in a couple of years). Mothers aren't just following a fad, it's based on scientific, empirical research. And I don't just say that as new mother defending her stance, but as a postgraduate student in child development who has spent the last 10 years studying research and developments in the field. Yes, there will be new evidence in the future and I would completely support my DD/DILs choices as I expect my mother and MIL to do for me. Your DIL is doing what she thinks is best, based on the evidence she has, and needs support now, not someone criticising her, being a new mother is isolating enough.

Oh and to get back onto the original point, baths aren't always a relaxing time. DD screams the house down as soon as she's removed for the bath and then resists being changed and getting ready for bed, so baths make bedtime a nightmare in our house! Im waiting until she's older and can sit in a bath seat and be showered before I introduce into a night time routine.

Newmom101 theres' one thing that gets me mad is the whole breastfeeding thing women can be soo mean just let people do what they want it's really ridiculous this debate is still going on the last thing a new mother needs is this pressure from midwifes or any medical proffesional. mothers mil or social circles! but equally there's nothing worse than an earth mother getting her boobs out all over the place because it's a natural thing to do! so is going to the toilet, having sex etc but you don' t do it in public do you (actually i'm not even sure that's true anymore) there's a lot of exibitionists out there! My dil breastfeeds but is very discreet about it & that's the way it should be

sorry where is the evidence the skin dries out how is this now a thing

I completely agree that a mother should not be pressured into breastfeeding, it should be her personal choice, although I do think it is the responsibility of health providers to ensure new mothers are aware of its benefits. Personally, I breastfed for a month, but had to stop due to medical reasons and being put on medication. I actually felt under pressure from my mother and MIL not to breastfeed, as they wanted to feed the baby, which is IMO, just as bad.

However, I don't agree that women should have to be discreet, it's attitudes like that which lead to lower numbers of women breastfeeding. For centuries women breastfed and didn't feel the need to hide away in shame. It's entirely natural, and should be accepted as such. What needs to stop is the sexualisation of women's bodies in the first place. Also, I never understand why a woman breastfeeding openly is frowned upon, but a bit of sun and every bloke gets his wobbly bits out and that's just fine.

OP, www.madeformums.com/news-and-gossip/daily-bathing-may-increase-your-babys-eczema-risk-say-skin-experts/12029.html

autumnsun try not to get frustrated over this. You’re absolutely right, their is room for using your own instincts, but how do you know that isn’t what dil is doing? You’ve given your advice, dil has chosen not to follow it. Perhaps her instincts are, that in this case, you’re wrong. I know that it can be a challenge being the paternal grandmother, I’m one! But once I realised that actually when it came to dgs, dil actually did know better it became mush easier. Sometimes the previous generation isn’t as wise as they think!

On another note, has your dil tried bathing your dgc at a different time? My ds HATED bath time, he used cry and get so worked up that there was nothing relaxing about it. It then was very difficult to settle him for bed. I started bathing him on a morning (assuming we wouldn’t be going out too soon afterwards) he still got very worked up, but it removed the stress at bedtime, and some how felt easier to deal with. Just a thought.

The link does state that topping and tailing every day is okay, which for most babies it is, but those with dry, rashy skin may need an emoliant added to the water as well. That advice came from my health visitor. But babies really don't get messy enough for a daily clean until weaning anyway. Then they need a deep clean every few hours

people have got nothing better to do than "studies " which wastes money just to justify giving somebody a job to do how much money do they get for sprouting this nonsense. I ABSOLUTELY agree with you that dil are just making their decisions on the information they have I AM NOT criticizing them for that it's just that i don't happen to agree with the information given it's not an age thing if you happen to disagree with a point of view! I haven't criticized her i'm just raising issues with people of my own age if that's alright so that i get a balanced view i don't have to like it or agree

Blimey I m amazed mine all grew up, they had a nightly bath more as a nice routine to wind down the day than to scrub them clean they all slept on their tummies and they were bottle fed as I had a variety of boob problems between them they produced seven more babies and I never questioned how they did it they each had their own ways and I went along with those ways when I was looking after them,but I do think they were all bathed each evening sometime in a bowl by the fire then a bedtime story
Everyone has their own routine go with the flow and enjoy that little girl Autumn

i absolutely agree about the sexualisation of women but i think your misreading what i said about breastfeeding im just talking about good manners & etiquette & not just showing off to the world you've got a baby & a pair of boobs! I also understand your point about pressure from mil to stop breastfeeding so they could feed baby which i understand & you must feel so bloody pissed off so i have to confess i feel the same after 8 months (just changing over to bottle now) but please give me some credit I have never put any pressure either way because it's my opinion it's baby & mum time & you should just let them to get on with it cos they won't have that time again it goes so quickly doesn't it

I am very confused how this has become about breastfeeding? But newmom101 I am so sorry you were made to feel like that. My 11 month old dgs is still breastfed, and I have at times found it a little sad that I couldn’t give him a bottle. It’s very strange being a grandparent sometimes. I obviously don’t think I should have been considered when it came to how dgs was fed, and I never let on to my dil that I was disappointed, but it was very hard not to feel it sometimes. A new baby coming into the family really is a learning curve for everyone. We all just need to be patient and supportive of each other.

OP, I never suggested you were putting pressure on your DIL to give up breastfeeding, just explaining that there are so many pressures against women breastfeeding these days, one of which can be grandparental pressures as they want to feed the baby. You are right, it is a time that goes so quickly and is important for a mom and as im sure you remember, you spend enough time second guessing yourself, without family doing that for you! I don't see a problem with a woman openly breastfeeding, of course if she's just randomly whacking it out for the sake of it that's a bit different! As for the post about research just being to give somebody a job, given that's my own occupation I'm quite grateful

Bluebelle, the daily baths is more to do with soaps etc added in I believe. They can be very harsh on a babies skin, and as more chemical and less natural products are used these days it is leading to an increase in cases of eczema. The sleeping on stomachs is a massive thing though, obviously it worked out fine for you, but like I said in an above post, after the back to sleep campaign was introduced there were 66% less cases of SIDS. And since maternal smoking and smoking round infants has decreased, and we know that blankets and stuffed toys in cots and falling asleep on sofas with baby's are risk factors, the rates of SIDS are decreasing further. I got quite annoyed with family members simply brushing this advice off, but I've known several people who's babies have died from SIDS, so I have been quite stringent in adhereing to those guidelines. It's just not a risk worth taking when we know better.

I don't really know SpanielNanny! I just briefly mentioned in a post that it was one of the points of contention I had with my own mother & MIL and how it's led to resentment on both sides. I completely agree that there needs to be understanding on both sides, hence me joining this site rather than following mumsnets 'go no contact immediately' advice. It's a challenging time as it often raises so many things you didn't know about your own families. It's like everyone has to readjust their expectations and you learn a lot about each other. My own mom was surprised to find out that I wouldn't be doing exactly as she has done as a mom, and it's led to a lot of tense cups of tea!

It sounds to me like you’re doing a fabulous job newmom101. My own dil was also incredibly understanding and patient with me, and we have built a wonderful relationship. Reading your posts I am sure you and your family have a very happy future ahead of you