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Toilet training at night

(54 Posts)
supernanauna1 Tue 22-May-18 11:59:41

My son lives with me along with his four and a half year old daughter. I care for her while he's at work. She is toilet trained during the day but has to wear pull-up pants in bed and most mornings it is soaking wet - she's dry one or two mornings a week.

We restrict her drinking after 6 pm so I can't understand why she's not dry at night. It's a long time since my children were small so I can't remember if I ever had this problem with them.

Has anybody got a magic answer please?

Besstwishes Tue 22-May-18 12:04:39

Please dont restrict her drinks, too much , it doesnt work that way, sometimes there is a bit of a disconnect between the bladder letting the child know it’s full and them waking up.

A friend of mine borrowed a small device from her GP surgery, that woke the toddler up when it detected dampness, after a short time the child was dry.

All children are different, best not to make a big deal about it, Anyway, it sounds as though she is well on her way to being dry if she is ok some nights.

Nannarose Tue 22-May-18 12:20:15

No, and I agree, don't restrict her drinks unless you notice a very definite pattern (and even then, be very careful). It does make sense to keep to 'water only' after about 6pm.
There are lots of reasons that children don't wake to go to the toilet in the night.
I was taught in child development that this is normal up to age 6, and certainly found there was often a significant change at about age 5.
Some carers do 'lift' children to do a wee at about 10-11pm. I am wary of this, as disrupting sleep, and 'encouraging' passing urine in sleep is not always helpful. However, some find that it works so well that it is worth doing.
A small number of children do have specific issues about bladder control at night. You could check with the Health Visitor what the latest research shows.
I had one child who 'potty trained' himself, day and night at 20 months; and one who despite being very well trained by day at 3, did wet the bed until he was 9. I did seek some help at age 7, with varying results. The others were just in between.

Besstwishes Tue 22-May-18 12:22:52

I meant to say that the device woke the child up so that they could go to the loo, it didn’t help her to hold it in all night, fortunately her room had a loo attached.

Willow500 Tue 22-May-18 12:32:55

When my 4 year old grandson was here at Christmas his dad used to lift him before they went to bed (as we used to do with him when he was small). Some mornings he was still damp but my DIL had brought a special sheet with her which went across the bed (like an old fashioned draw sheet). It was very good and the mattress was never wet, she'd just put it through the washer and it was dry by bedtime. They were from NZ but I'm sure there is something similar available over here.

All children are different with being dry on a night as they are during the day. Just give her time.

Cleverblonde Tue 22-May-18 12:41:29

Don't worry about it. Every child is different. My daughter will be 4 in September and although she was daytime potty trained before she was 2 she is still wet every night in her pull ups. It worried me for a while but after discussing this with other mums and professionals I relaxed.
As I understand it, its to do with signals to the brain and this varies per child and occurs naturally between the ages of 3-6, if your GD is managing a couple of nights as Bestwishes suggested she is probably on the way. When she is dry 5/6 nights a week it may be worth trying without the nappy and have one of the waterproof dry-night sheets under the bedding. If there are regular accidents, just leave it a month and try again. If your GD is a heavy sleeper they are often later to train at night. I did try with my daughter one night, as I wasn't sure initially if she was just weeing in the nappy in the morning because it was there. I soon realised there was no way she was ready, as when I went to her in the night, she was completely wet, I woke her and she didn't even realise she had been.

Deedaa Tue 22-May-18 23:43:09

Definitely don't restrict drinks. It can make the urine more concentrated and the child is more likely to wet the bed. DS was well into his teens before he was properly dry., He just slept very soundly, even a bed wetting alarm wouldn't wake him up, although it woke the rest of the house.

Grandma2213 Wed 23-May-18 00:19:41

I agree with others who say every child is different which I have seen with my DGDs. Two of them were still wetting the bed from time to time up till they were 6. In fact youngest DGD now actually 6, did this weekend after a very late night so probably because she was over tired and slept deeply. In the past she was dry when she stayed with us but wet at Mummy's. Mummy always put her in pull ups so that may explain it.

Oldest DGD was the hardest as she refused to poo in the toilet. She could hold it for days until a nappy was put on her. Mummy always gave in. Daddy beat it by lighting a poo candle when she went to the toilet. For some reason this worked and we had no further problems.

absent Wed 23-May-18 06:46:02

I think it puts a lot of pressure on a young child to expect her/him to be "toilet trained" as bodies, as well as minds, develop at different rates and in different ways at different times. I left it up to my daughter to decide when she felt okay about using the toilet during the day and then during the night. She has done the same with her children. The little one is beginning to think about it, especially as he really doesn't like having his nappy changed. Soon he will make the connection between the feeling inside his body and also avoiding Granna wielding the nappy wipes.

MrsJamJam Wed 23-May-18 08:33:06

Many years ago , when I told my lovely, old fashioned family GP that I was worried that my son still needed a nappy at night, he said 'Well, what do you expect when you have trained him from birth to pee into a nappy? If he isn't wearing one being he won't per into it.'

Put him to bed just in pyjamas that night - dry in the morning!

Nanabilly Wed 23-May-18 08:35:59

Why does it matter?
If she is dry during the day then that is fine. Would you rather her be disturbed to go to the toilet during the night just so that her pullups are dry ?
Would you rather her be crabby in a morning due to being disturbed to go pee.?
When she is ready to go without pullups she will do so.
With our gs we just told him that his younger cousin was pullups free every night and that was it , he never wore them again but he chose when it happened. We just dropped it into a general chat about family ,we did not open up a conversation about dry pants or wet beds just a nice little chat about holidays and family and then mentioned that cousin no longer used pullups and moved on with the conversation.
His choice ,his timing!
Don't try to force it as it will cause stress to gd.

Nanabilly Wed 23-May-18 08:39:02

Love the poo candle idea. Lol
My own kids were potty trainer using fuzzy felts , they only played with them while sat on potty.

sodapop Wed 23-May-18 08:42:29

I agree, restricting fluids will not help, my daughter was much the same and we tried everything. The Dr then suggested medication, we thought that was a step too far and decided just to ignore it. Eventually she became dry at night, just involved washing a lot of
the dreaded nylon sheets of the era.
MrsJamjam is right too, discard the pull ups as your granddaughter needs to feel the discomfort of being wet. Don't worry its not at all unusual.

littleflo Wed 23-May-18 09:32:08

My eldest was not dry at night until he was 6 and, at 4, two of my grandchildren are not dry. I think they will develop at their own pace. If she is soaking you could try lifting her before you go to bed. I think dryness at night varies enormously between children. I don’t think rewards or discussing it help.

inishowen Wed 23-May-18 09:39:09

My GD is six and wears night time pants. I worry that she is getting to the age where she wants to go on sleepovers. My daughter is quite laid back about it. My opinion is that wearing padded pants stops the child feeling wet and makes it seem ok not to get up and go to the toilet.

Gma29 Wed 23-May-18 09:47:59

I bought a Kylie Sheet from a chemist for my grandaughter as she was nearly always wet at night. It isn’t sweaty or plasticky for them to sleep on. It saves the mattress and sheet, & washes and dries quickly. I came across them during a district nursing placement, when they were used for older people who struggled at night. My daughter said it was absolutely brilliant. They last, too.

Skweek1 Wed 23-May-18 09:53:25

I agree that all she needs is a protective sheet for the bed - she'll be dry in her own good time. What I wonder, though, is that you don't mention her mum; could she have some sort of emotional issues at her loss there? That could cause physical problems with bedwetting.

Coco51 Wed 23-May-18 10:22:09

I have the opposite problem - my 5yo little DGD doesn’t go nearly enough. She barely eats enough to keep a mouse alive but will drink milk. We pick her up from school on Fridays for a sleepover and she might go once during the time between arriving here and us taking her home next morning. Before she was dry at night and wearing pull-ups she would just sit in the nappy and wee whether she was awake or not - to the point that it would run down her legs when she stood up. She’s perfectly happy and lively with the energy of a tornado jet. Two of my GDSs wore pyjama pants for a very long time the elder was in his teens before he was reliably dry at night and the other not much younger - so I think if your DGD is healthy in other respects it is just a case of development in her own time. (I used to have what they call a ‘nurses’ bladder, sadly I’m more Tena-lady these days)

ReadyMeals Wed 23-May-18 10:29:05

In the old days we used to get kids up in the late evening around 10 to take them to the toilet, it was often just enough to keep them dry the rest of the night as well as taught them to wake in the night if their bladder was full. I think it's unrealistic to expect a child to last 10-12 hours without peeing, so either they're gonna wet their bed/nappy or you're gonna teach them to wake and use the toilet.

lizzypopbottle Wed 23-May-18 10:34:36

My daughter often wet the bed when she was small but she told me many years later that she would often wake up needing to go to the toilet but was totally petrified to go because she was convinced there was a ferocious monster waiting for her. Turned out it was my husband's 110 decibel snoring that frightened her!

nannypiano Wed 23-May-18 10:34:47

After fostering for several years I was asked to look after a 10 yr old boy, who wet the bed every night. He of course was very embarrassed and would strip his bed every morning before he came down to breakfast. He had medical checks to insure there was nothing physically wrong. But to alleviate his embarrassment I suggested he wear pull ups at night to keep him comfortable and not sleeping in a wet bed. He loved it, so we continued. When he got a couple of years older, there were not pull ups for his age anymore. I said I didn't know what we would do from here on. He shrugged and said oh well. From that night on there was never another wet bed. I had never made an issue of it, just remained patient and waited for the change and it worked well.

Apricity Wed 23-May-18 10:37:35

From the experience of my own kids plus grandkids sometimes it's just that some kids are really deep sleepers and are oblivious to signals of the need to go to the loo. Most grow out of it and with absorbent disposable nappies it usually doesn't lead to the whole bed being drenched. At four and a half she is still in the wait and see category. Restricting fluid intake can lead to all sorts of complications. Sufficient but not excessive fluids are all that's needed.

Hellomonty Wed 23-May-18 10:43:17

You can’t really train children for night like you can during the day. A hormone is released which regulates the bladder when you sleep and this begins to be triggered in children at different ages. Until this happens they biologically cannot help it. Once they reach this stage biologically the odd accident may still occur but it tends to be when they first wake and are still drowsy so don’t make it to the loo in time.

If it was me I’d keep using the pull ups but start encouraging her to take herself to the loo the moment she wakes up. Once she is in the habit of doing that you’ll be able to tell by whether the pull ups are dry or not if she is ready to go without a nappy at night.

sazz1 Wed 23-May-18 10:43:22

Sometimes this can be psychological if a child is unhappy. We found this with some children that we fostered who were dry at home and became dry at night again once they had settled with us. You don't mention where her mum is so perhaps that could be the problem. Also it can be a hereditary thing if either parent was a late bed wetter. I would see your GP for advice. HT H.

blue60 Wed 23-May-18 10:48:26

My youngest wet the bed every night for many years. We were referred to a clinic and one thing we did (on the specialist's advice) was to get him to drink more in the day so that the bladder increased its size, and the signals between the brain and bladder developed to a greater sensitivity.

In addition, there were restricted drinks in the evening but I was loathe to not allow anything at all if a child is thirsty, so sips of water were given when needed.

We also kept a 'tick chart' - a tick for each day the bed was dry which also helped us to see any patterns developing.

There were other methods we used, but they would be too intensive for a younger child and would only be appropriate further down the line, so no point in discussing them here really.

At age four, she is still very young, but if you are worried then a visit to the GP would be a first step in case there IS something wrong.