Always a Gran

Go

Speak to your daughter, tell her you'll happily change your plans but wonder why no invite for DH and why such a late invite after you've been asking for details re celebration for a while now. I think you have to go for GD's sake and hope the explanation for DH's non -invite makes him feel better about being 'excluded'.

Just go. I would.

Why must you ask why he is being left out? You have both been invited to the main celebration.
I would just go & enjoy it. If I were your DH I wouldn't feel at all miffed.

The original post does not mention anyone other than her daughter and granddaughter being present and if that is so then it is entirely reasonable for OH not to be included, a girls get together with a meal, i would feel privileged. However, if anyone else is going and sil and granddaughter's boyfriend etc then you probably have cause to be resentful. However, I never foisted my other half on my sons as they did not like him so he visited his kids and I visited mine which was a reasonable compromise. My kids will always come before a man who is not their father but as I am now single it is not a problem.

I think it is sad that you are putting your husband first. Children don't have to accept step-parents but they obviously do as he is welcome to the later event. Would he not accept this?
Sorry, but people should be able to see a parent on their own and I cannot see you as being in the right here. It just seems like stubbornness. Even if they were being unfair, it is a day to put your grand-daughter first.

I'd be honoured to be invited to such a small family gathering, and over the moon that DGD wanted me there. Don't let her down.

DH's brother's wife didn't take to me though hadn't had time to get to know me either, and didn't want me to come to the funeral. The feeling in his family was that our marriage would not last.( It did for over thirty happy years till I was widowed .)
I didn't know you could just go along Mrs Eggy so thanks for that information.

You say, what’s so special about you? Well, what’s special is that you are your daughter’s mother, and granddaughter’s grandmother. That’s a special and wonderful relationship, do not let them down, there are many grandparents on here who never see their grandchildren. You must go.

I think you should go, accept your partner isn’t your granddaughter’s grandparent, but he is welcome at the bigger celebration later.
I think it would be dreadful to miss her actual birthday, and all because you feel miffed. She’s your grandchild, go!

If your family were like my (second) husband's and I were your husband, I'd be glad to be left out!
I get dragged along to all kinds of family events with grown-up but childish stepchildren (both in their 40s) who never got over their father re-marrying plus his ex who refuses to speak to me (no, I wasn't the reason for their divorce - she'd had an affair 10 years before I met DH), If only they'd come out and say they don't want me there, then I wouldn't have to go for the sake of not making things worse!

Nanny41 you've explained that it's just granddaughter, her sister and her Mum and Dad, not even the other grandparents.
Explain this to your DH and go with a big smile on your face, then enjoy the second bigger celebration together.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Go, and keep your mouth shut.

I didn't think you need an invitation to a funeral - people just go and the bereaved take it as a compliment to the deceased.

Firstly get on the phone and tell your DD straight that you are longing to come and will change your plans gladly but just feel bad about excluding your DH as you think he would be hurt. Maybe she will relent?

If not then tell your DH you don't feel happy going without him but on the other hand you love your DG too. See what he says.

When my second husband's favourite brother died not long after we were married, I was not invited to the funeral. DH said he would not go unless they invited me but I made him go. My goodness - his lovely bro he shared so much with when they were growing up and beyond! I told him I didn't mind, in order to help him feel better. No way would I have asked him to not go.

can see your point of view. but maybe you should go ,as its family only on one night for the 18th.maybe someone could come pick you up if you not sure about travelling to the city alone.but go ...after all she only has one 18th birthday and gd will be hurt and upset if you dont.put aside any grievances and go with a smile on your face.YOU CAN SCREAM LATER..

It sounds as though your DD just wants her special family there for a private meal, which is lovely, after all they could just have had a meal with the 4 of them.

I guess they think that you are special! Go and enjoy it.

I can't see why you are taking umbrage: seems birth family only. Your husband is invited to the second function.
Go and have a good time.
Are the other grandparents invited?

No, this is Granddaughter her Mum and Dad and her younger sister, not a girls night.
I have not taken umbrage, I just dont think its fair to exclude my OH he has been part of the family for fifteen years, I cant understand why nobody else has been invited, what is so special about me.
One thing I have learnt today from GN I must ask why he is being left out.

Ah that would explain it! A girls only night.

Are we right?

Go! Enjoy! - your OH will be at the big celebration. This is just the girls.

Am I misunderstanding here. Sounds like its a girl's night, Grandma, Mum and granddaughter, I don't see any problem with that at all, sounds lovely.

I really would ask your DD why your OH isn’t invited, as the other posters have said, it isn’t your Granddaughters fault, but it is odd to exclude your other half, unless you have only recently started seeing each other?

You don't say how long you have been married to your husband, maybe your DD and DGD don't see him as their stepfather/grandfather, rather as your husband? This doesn't mean they like him any the less of course, but perhaps an event such as your DGD's 18th birthday is a time for family who have known her since she was a baby. Your DH has been asked to the other event, so I think you have taken offence where none was intended, and have hurt your DGD. I would suggest you contact your DD, say you have changed the plans you have as you would love to come to the family dinner, and that you and your DH will love to attend the other event at a later date. Just read some of the heartbreaking posts on here from grandparents who are not part of their children and grandchildren's lives, and don't be so quick to take umbrage, life is too short.

Agree with madgran I can understand you feeling hurt but as they are asking you both to the next celebration they obviously don’t have anything against him
How long have you been remarried ? Was grandaughter and family very fond of real grandad ?
At the end of the day you need to go for the granddaughters sake but it does need to be out in the open, why he is being left out?