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Grandparenting

Grandson growing up.

(45 Posts)
magsmay55 Sun 24-Jun-18 08:08:01

Hi I am feeling very low and anxious I don't know if you will all think me stupid but my 16 yr old grandson has just had his prom and left school last week .my husband and l have played a big part in our grandchildren lives I have five grandchildren . I can't help feeling very sad what is wrong with me.

Greyduster Sun 24-Jun-18 08:18:04

Absolutely nothing at all is wrong with you. I feel the same when I consider that the first, most formative, stage of my grandson’s life has just come to an end as he moves up to secondary school. I don’t know where that time has gone, but it heralds a lessening of our involvement in his ongoing care as he becomes more independent (which in itself is to be welcomed).

magsmay55 Sun 24-Jun-18 08:47:44

Thank you for your reply. I didn't feel quite as bad when he started secondary school as I done he's finished school.

BlueBelle Sun 24-Jun-18 08:53:10

Nothing wrong a normal reaction but you just have to accept they will move on and it’s a wonderful sign that you have given them the confidence to do so, to find their wings and off they fly I only have two out of seven living near enough to be involved and now at 15 and 17 they are all but gone love them all dearly but that’s how life is
You will feel sad like a mum whose kids start school it’s a big step but you will adapt after a short time
💐

magsmay55 Sun 24-Jun-18 09:03:46

Thank you Greyduster and BlueBelle
For your kind words I do hope I will adapt soon I can't bare feeling like this.

Anniebach Sun 24-Jun-18 09:14:23

It is hard coming to terms with the fact they will move on, I am struggling with my three grandchildren moving away this summer, they are happy, have their hopes for the future and they should as I did.

fiorentina51 Sun 24-Jun-18 09:17:06

Wise words shared here. Many thanks.

Granny23 Sun 24-Jun-18 09:31:42

I remember that when DD1 graduated from Uni, there was only my Father, her Grandad left to attend the ceremony, having lost DM, MIL, FIL and the 2 maiden Aunts in the previous year. By the time DD2 graduated DF was gone too.

So I will count myself really lucky if I survive long enough to see my 3 DGC 'All grown up', to see what they make of their lives, perhaps to see their children. It is the cycle of life isn't it? Time to let our fledglings fly free, secure in the knowledge that we have helped give them a good start and the tools to help them make the most of their lives.

sodapop Sun 24-Jun-18 09:37:00

But it's good to know you have played a big part in helping them grow up and become independent. My grandchildren are all in their twenties now and I am so proud to see them making their way in the world.

Teetime Sun 24-Jun-18 09:45:52

I know the feeling to my lovely boy was 14 a couple of weeks ago and have always gone to his birthday party but now quite naturally he didn't want one just x box, a bargain bucket of fried chicken (yuk) of music. Nanna not needed.

Gillcro Sun 24-Jun-18 10:37:01

I know how you feel magsmay55. I have looked after 3 of my grandchildren one is 14 so doesnt really need our help any more just see her some weekends. My other is going
to secondary school September so won't need me before going to school anymore, and my grandson who I looked after whilst mum worked has moved away, so only see them every few weeks. It feels again like not being neededagain. Which is what happened when your own children grow older. Which will take a little time to adjust to. But life moves on and as long as I get to se e them and they are happy.

mabon1 Sun 24-Jun-18 10:42:35

You would have something to feel sad about if your grandson aged 10 was living with his mother who is dying of cancer as is my grandson, get a grip.

Redrobin51 Sun 24-Jun-18 10:48:03

If it is any consultation both of my close friends felt the same way. They had alot to do with the grandchildren growing up looking after them certain days a week and overnight stays. They accepted going from Junior to Senior school as there hell was still required but when they left school they both felt bereft. They were glad they were mature and going out in the world but realised they would not be needed in the same way and that the closeness they had before would probably go. My one friend said she felt the same way when her children left home as though her use in the world had ended but of course it had just begun again when she was asked for help with grandchildren.x

adaunas Sun 24-Jun-18 10:51:28

No you can’t help feeling sad Magsmay5, but it’s great to think you’ve had all that time with him. He will remember it.
I had 2 our grandchildren from birth, and when my grandson started high school last year and no longer arrived every morning or after school, it left a big gap so I do feel for you.

Jane43 Sun 24-Jun-18 11:00:54

It will pass. Just think back to how you felt when you left school with an exciting future ahead of you and feel happy for him.

jane1956 Sun 24-Jun-18 11:29:36

next step helping him to pass test and get a car xx That is where we are with eldest grandson. He has just passed theory test so really pleased. Just part of the growing up next stages xx

magsmay55 Sun 24-Jun-18 11:32:32

Thank you all so much for your help and kind words. You have all helped a lot.

DotMH1901 Sun 24-Jun-18 11:53:03

I think it is normal to feel a bit sad when events such as a grandchild leaving school come up. Time seems to go so fast with your own children and super fast with grandchildren. When my GS went up to Senior School my DD said to me that she didn't feel old enough to have a child in Senior School. I said 'how do you think I feel, having a GC in Senior School!' My eldest GD goes up to Senior School in September so that's another one growing up so fast! I still have my younger GD at Primary but she has only two more years there and then that will be all of them in Senior School.

grannyactivist Sun 24-Jun-18 11:57:27

mabon1 your pain comes across very clearly and I am very sorry for your situation. It's hard to keep a sense of normality when your own world feels so broken. flowers

icanhandthemback Sun 24-Jun-18 11:57:38

My son is looking at Uni's at the moment and I had a bit of a weep last week because he is the last of six looking to leave home. Of course I want him to have his life and I encourage him to make choices which suit him rather than me but I can't help feeling an overwhelming sadness that he is going to be flying the nest.

Coconut Sun 24-Jun-18 11:57:50

I always felt that being a Nanny 5 times over, has given me the chance to be a Mum all over again. No matter where my career has taken me over the years, being a Mum was always the most rewarding for me and nothing in the world can compare to that. But of course, being a hands on Nanny, you inevitably have to go thro the “empty nest syndrome” all over again, they go hand in hand. I told my GD in her 16th card to “fly high and Nanny will always be here when she needs to rest her wings”. We are still very close because the ground work had been set in stone, and even tho we don’t see her as much, I get weekly texts, emails, Skype etc and that’s all that matters to me.

grannyactivist Sun 24-Jun-18 12:00:55

magsmay55 my children are now all in their twenties and thirties and have wonderful relationships with their grandparents. Hang in there and although your grandchildren will grow up (as they should) you can continue to be involved in their lives in different ways.

Nanabilly Sun 24-Jun-18 12:01:01

Absolutely nothing at all wrong , you love him , end of!
I remember feeling bereft when my gs started school as I had always looked after him for 3 full days per week.
I sometimes feel as if I'm being silly but then I tell myself off for feeling like that . It proves that we have a loving and close relationship with our grandchildren and we are very lucky to have that and I count my blessings for it every day.

cassandra264 Sun 24-Jun-18 12:06:30

Be grateful you have several grandchildren to love you and who will doubtless continue to do so and allow you to have a part in their lives as long as you live!

For various reasons, some of them very sad ones,this is not the case for everybody......

blossom14 Sun 24-Jun-18 12:15:43

Like Jane1956 we are helping with driving lessons I went out with my 17 year old DGS for a 'practice' drive yesterday. I sometimes think we have to be brave as well as loving.