Disinterested in grandchild

Paula50 - you are very brave to admit your feelings. I’m pretty sure there are numerous grans who feel similar.
You mention that you feel bad about it. I wonder if you feel that it would be worth seeking help of some kind. Counselling with a professional could help identify find the root cause (which is sometimes not exactly what we assume it is) and look for ways to make the situation better or at least the way it makes you feel.
You could try this without anyone else knowing.
If you’re content with the situation and can cope with the way you feel about it, better just to accept that’s the way it is.
Sometimes, if you keep pretending, the real feelings do grow.

My grandmother raised five children and I was the second grandchild she had loads. I don't feel she was particularly interested in any of us and her love and loyalty was clearly with her children. I understand she had it hard long story. I therefore never felt that grandmother love thing. On the other hand my Italian grandmother pined for the love of her son who in his youth lived with my grandmother's sister (another long story) and didn't have that mother son bond. She also pined for our love and although she had two grandchildren from her step son ( she loved the boy, not the girl so much) she also pined for our love. We lived in England never spoke the language and visited a couple of times a year. In hindsight I wish I had given her that little bit extra. I would say everyone is different and your feelings are your feelings. I too get really miffed when people gush about their grandchildren and the numbers like I am supposed to squeal with glee. It's probably dictated by my relationship with mine which was casual. I think you have raised a very interesting subject and just as you don't feel overwhelmed by your grandchild, many children don't feel overwhelmed by their grandparents especially as they get older and they are looking forward, college, boyfriends, girlfriends!

I live 300 miles away from my gc. Due to life being busy, caring obligations etc I only get to visit once or twice a year. It is lovely to see them and I do enjoy spending time in their company ( they are 5 & 7 ) but by the end of the week I'm in awe of my dd on her patience ! Having children is definitely for the young. When I leave I'm secretly happy I don't have to do regular childcare .

Don't beat yourself up over this, Paula50. We are all different and not everyone has huge maternal instincts.
Maybe in time you might find she grows on you. I hope she does really, because grandchildren can be such a lovely relationship. Good luck, whatever.

Fortunately for me I fell in love with my grandson the day he was born, so the cycle has hopefully been broken!

I understand Paula. I love my daughters dearly and my grandchildren especially now they are adult but I admit I wasn't crazy to see them every week when they were young children, too exhausting! I could never have taken on the childcare duties that so many do these days, although I was working full time myself so it didn't come up.
Did have them occasionally when parents away for weekend but very glad to hand them back.

Can't help feeling a bit sad at this post, my parents showed no interest in my son when he was born. They never babysat and although they live 2 mins walk from us they hardly ever called in, we did all the visiting in an attempt to keep a semblance of a grandparent relationship going. They're just not interested in children and now my son has his own child the same applies! Fortunately the other grandparents are the complete opposite so my son didn't really notice when he was very young. As he got older he used to ask whether my parents didn't like him, it was really sad and I feel they missed out on so much. But I guess they can't help it, I just wish they had at least made more of an effort and you seem to be doing that Paula so don't beat yourself up xxx

But Mumofmadboys IS it unusual? Maybe it’s more common than you think and people just don’t talk about it.

If you didn't bond with your own children, and are disinterested in your grandchildren, I can't help wondering what your relationships with other people are like. I mean, if you find it hard to 'feel' anything with people who are of your blood, how can you possibly feel anything at all for people outside of your family? I'm sorry, but I do find this a little odd.
I sort of get the bit about I just feel it done the young kids I don't want anything to do with them again. But what I don't get is how you can hope to develop a loving relationship when your granddaughter is older if there's no foundation from early childhood. At what age does the disinterest change to interest? Eight? Ten? Fifteen? Are you not a little worried that she will by then have become disinterested in you? Or perhaps you are not hoping to develop this relationship...

Unless your DD is really upset by this what is the issue? When I was,small I saw my Nana 2-3 times a year because we lived 200 + miles away. I was very fond of her and she if me but it could not be called a close relationship. As I got older I stayed with her and visited her independently. All relationships are different. Don't compare, do what feels right.

My GS’s other granny (my SiL’s step mother) has never shown the slightest interest in spending time with him. She does birthday and Christmas presents on and off, and on the one rare occasion she called at the house to bring a belated present for his birthday, they were like strangers with each other. I find it unbearably sad, but it is her choice. It’s a shame, because she is a clever, funny, resourceful lady and he is a lovely lad who would benefit from a relationship with her.

I admire Paula for her honesty. One has to accept how you feel , however unusual it is compared to the rest of folk. You may find the relationship improves as she gets older. Just continue doing kind things even if it is an effort and see how it goes. At the end of the day we can only be ourselves.

But twiceasnice everyone is different the fact you adore your grandchildren is immaterial and can only make Paula feel worse who i m sure isn’t posting purposely to make things feel bad for estranged grans
I think it was a very honest and heartfelt post and I felt some real flatness there, have you ever or do you suffer depression Paula? is your husband disinterested too ?
As you say, you try to say and do the right things but just don’t have the feelings in your heart I think you are doing what you can hopefully your little grandaughter will never realise and also hopefully she has another more hands on gran and grandad
Do you feel deep love for anyone?

My youngest GD's other granny was quite distant until she reached 6 ,now granny loves doing things with her and enjoys her company....she's an only GC on that side her dad is anonly child.Granny told me that she only had her son because her OH wanted children but after one she decided no more. Maybe you'll be the same and find as she gets older you'll enjoy her more.If you dont then thats just hoow you are and she'll accept its what your input into her life is .Dont stress about it,it is what it is

Wow! I can't imagine not being interested in your children or your grandchildren I adore mine. Yes very brave to post it. We are all different for sure but I bet it doesn't go down well with the poor estranged Grans on here. What's it like when you and your grandchild do see each other? How does she relate to you?

A very brave post Paula50 and feelings I identify with.

To me it is quite strange to be uninterested in your grandchild. When I saw my first grandchild I felt a huge surge of emotion, just like falling in love. However we are all different.

Well, you don't know until you've had them.
You presume you'll be the same as every other mother and love them to bits.
Which, strangely enough you do.

I don't mean that to be unkind - there are many people who choose not to have children for whatever reason.

If people don't particularly like children, don't bond with their own, why do they have any?

My lads'd never fall for that one - they know how it ends.

Just be sure there's a gingerbread cottage in a clearing, first.

Abandon them in a forest oldbatty with no breadcrumbs for a trail ?

What happens when they reach more than 10?

You have my sympathy Paula I've done my share of baby rearing, when another grandchild was born I phoned the mum offering any help that was needed and invited them to bring the baby when everything was settled. Usually after a few weeks I got my first viewing, although my daughters and myself are on very good terms they accept that babies are not my thing.
Older children are fine especially girls and I do take every opportunity to spend time with them, boys are OK up to about 10 yrs.