It’s lonely!

I do understand what you mean. I live in a very isolated spot anyway- my husband’s choice, not mine but that’s another story! We have had our 2 grandsons for 2 days a week(officially) but the 4 year old goes to full time school in September so I will probably take the little one to playgroup then. I adore them but they are VERY demanding and do nothing independently. We are constantly having to be Power Rangers or monsters. Oh to sit and play Snakes and Ladders, Pairs, or some cutting and sticking. I think looking after them is far more exhausting than a class of 30 4 year olds. Glad to hear that others feel the same as me.

When I looked after my two great nephews, the local community centre actually had a grandparents and toddler group.

Mine are at school now but I got to know a few grans when my wee one was at gymnastics. But yes I did find it a bit lonely too. I just do a lot of housework and ironing and enjoy other things when I go back home.

I look after my DGS who is nearly three for three days per week for the past two years now. We go to a lot of clubs/classes here in London, and , probs due to high house prices , they are nearly half made up of grandparents as both parents obviously need to work, so I am lucky. My daughter is moving a short way away, and I shall still look after him, and at the children’s centre near their new house, there is a ‘ groovy grandparents ‘ class ( I shall have to have an overhaul!) Do go to as many classes as poss, you will make friends of all ages. Good luck Doramarr !

I think you've described a great many grandmothers in England. I've looked after my granddaughters several times when their work from home daddy goes away on business. Mummy works full time in the city. Presently they are with me for their annual two weeks by the sea. At 9 and 7 looking after them was easier then it was when they were toddlers. At that time I did take the younger one to various play groups, her sister was at pre-school then school . Quite often the organisers were older and happy to chat to me. Other then a smile or a nod the younger ones kept to their groups. It was lonely I agree . Not like the old days of going for coffee once we'd dropped our children off.

I have a friend who has named the complete exhaustion we feel when the grandchildren go home. She calls it joyous exhaustion. I think that about covers it. ??

I should add that I only had him every second weekend and his Dad had to work he was around as much as he could. Don't think I could have managed every weekend - I definitely need catch-up time with my own life!!

I've had my "wee man" since he started to toddle and needed more attention and have loved every moment of it even when I've been really tired. DH has lots of health problems but we think DGS should be on prescription as he bucks us all up. DS's marriage broke down when DGS was 18mths but as I say his mother was quite happy for me to take him most days as she has three other children. I was maybe lucky in being able to join different playgroups and toddler sessions. Used to take him to the library for singing and other groups also which were free - there always seemed to be something to pass the mornings. I also found the leaders and young mums made me very welcome and have met up with them again at the school gates. Afternoons were easy as he loves to help and now at 9yr old he is more of a help to granny than a hinderance!!!

Every weekend??!

You had them the whole weekend every weekend??!

When did their mum and dad have them?

Blimey Dot that’s a lot of childminding!! Every weekend? You must be knackered

And regards groups lots of the mums there are mid 40s and older so actually for many of us there’s not that much of an age gap these days with the trend to later motherhood.

Doramarr - I know exactly what you mean - I have looked after my grandson over the weekend since he was a couple of weeks old and also my two granddaughters as they came along (they are now 15, 11 and 9) - I found it much more tiring than when I had my own two children (I was 20 and 23 when they were born) but with the DGC I was still doing full time hours at work as well - working 10 hours for four days. I used to chat to the Mum's at the day nursery when I dropped DGC off/collected them and the same as they progressed to school. I have noticed a lot more grandparents take/collect their GC now - sign of the times I think as both parents are often working. Might be worth asking if there are any parent/carer/guardian playgroups you could go along to? If not maybe you could set something up yourself - I would bet that you are not the only GP in your area looking after GC! Our local library held a group session for anyone caring for toddlers - there were always other GP's there!

I do understand what you are saying - and toddler groups are a great idea.I remember how hard it was as a parent of two young children in a strange, new area.

But do appreciate what you've got. Not all of us have grandchildren we can see regularly. I have only one GC- six hours drive away.......and friends whose GCs are now the other side of the world.

Who remembers 1 o'clock clubs in the park ... What happened to them ? Mine was in SE London in the 70/80s, fun for the kids and a cuppa for the parents and carers.

OH helps out at a toddler group where there are several Grandparents who attend. We did when our GD was pre-school! Made quite a few friends!

Hi op I too have my dgs 2 days a week.

We do toddler groups both mornings in term time. There are lots of grans there. After that it’s lunch and the heavenly nap.

Out of term time it’s garden or park and yes it can be lonely. we also do swimming and rhythm time.

You know I used to do 3 days but it was too much. We helped them pay nursery fees for the extra day and I am far happier just doing the 2! Could that be an option??

There are so many grandparents out there doing childcare I really think there needs to be more acknowledgment of this.

Followed this thread with empathy ....it must be very hard if you are on your own....at least we are both here and that helps!
I think it would be helpful if people put their location on items like this so connections can be made and possible meet up arranged.

I have my 2 year old grandson one day a week. Fortunately, a close friend has her dgd on the same day. We have lots of fun and outings. Yesterday had us climbing to the top of a soft play area and sliding down. Her dgd starts preschool in September, we will miss them hugely, so outings on my own for a few months before having dgs number 2 in January. Don't think I'll ever get out of the house. There is usually a grandparent in these groups looking for another gran to chat to. It does make it more enjoyable.

Hi Dora, ( this is my first ever post )
I am a registered childminder and also care for my twin Grandsons, who have just turned three.Best of both worlds.
During the holidays many toddler groups / activities take a break, but there are things out there if you can find them out. During term term I’d suggest a toddler group as a starting point. The ones we attend have more Grandparents than parents ! Then talk to others at the group, see where they go. A lot of groups are discovered word of mouth. All you need is a connection to start the ball rolling. If you became a regular at a toddler group you could suggest / organise things during holidays.
Just a thought. Who do the children mix with when you don’t have them ? How about meeting up with them ?
Good luck.

Thank you for all your ideas. Yes, I could probably find a toddler group, but I suppose I am just reminiscing about my younger years with my babies and the informal meetings we mums used to have. Of course I am happy to look after them, and I have plenty of activities and friends I see on other days, and I do recognise that loneliness is not confined to grandparents who mind. It’s quite nice, too, just to have them for the day and play with them, walk them to the park and the arts centre, and not have to think about times, getting in the car etc.

Sorry, just realised Jan 51 posted something almost identical!

Why don’t you put an ad in the local paper, newsagent etc.
There are so many grandmothers in your situation. You could meet for a coffee at a local soft play centre for example, or meet in the park for a chat while the children play.

Are you on Facebook and is there a page for your local area ? Where I live (in a South London suberb) I would put a message on our local fb page to see if there are other grans or granddads in the same situation who would like to get together for coffee or at the local soft play etc. You never know what friendships could ensue both for you or the children. X

My mother looked after my toddler daughter full time and she went to a daily toddler group. She was made very welcome by the young mothers and my daughter thoroughly enjoyed it. When I gave up work my daughter said ‘ it’s boring being at home with you’

Join a tiddler group. you will meet mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers.