Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Bi-Polar DIL wants grandson medicated too

(52 Posts)
Hiimrene Wed 05-Dec-18 08:03:23

My DIL is diagnosed bi-polar and pretty mellow if she takes her meds but off she becomes verbally abusive to my son and grandson. She sees to my grandson's basic needs but has the nurturing skills of a rock. When she becomes flustered or feels threatened in her mind she can't shut up. My grandson used to be a polite happy little guy up to the age of 5 but has become an angry child since she started taking him to a psych and insisted he be medicated too. Twice she insisted her doctor up his medication and he's been in trouble at school ever since. My son can not get off work to attend the psych visits so he goes off of my DIL's word. My grandson is now 8, lives 6 hours away, and I see him about 10-15 times a year. I moved to OKC to be near him several years ago, stayed a year, then moved back to KCMO because I couldn't stand my DIL. My grandson hates his mother but lives his dad. Any have any suggestions? I don't want to loose my grandson.

Hiimrene Wed 05-Dec-18 08:04:59

Hiimrene

My DIL is diagnosed bi-polar and pretty mellow if she takes her meds but off she becomes verbally abusive to my son and grandson. She sees to my grandson's basic needs but has the nurturing skills of a rock. When she becomes flustered or feels threatened in her mind she can't shut up. My grandson used to be a polite happy little guy up to the age of 5 but has become an angry child since she started taking him to a psych and insisted he be medicated too. Twice she insisted her doctor up his medication and he's been in trouble at school ever since. My son can not get off work to attend the psych visits so he goes off of my DIL's word. My grandson is now 8, lives 6 hours away, and I see him about 10-15 times a year. I moved to OKC to be near him several years ago, stayed a year, then moved back to KCMO because I couldn't stand my DIL. My grandson hates his mother but lives his dad. Any have any suggestions? I don't want to loose my grandson

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-18 08:53:50

Are you in the USA Irene?
The bit of your post that I’m struggling with is your DiL taking your GS to a psychiatrist and insisting he has medication.
It doesn’t really work like that in the U.K.
Does your GS have a mental health disorder?

maryeliza54 Wed 05-Dec-18 09:09:09

Your son simply has to go to an appointment with them no matter how difficult - this is the child’s whole well being potentially at stake. Surely something is possible re work/arranging appointments

Buffybee Wed 05-Dec-18 09:19:28

Could you speak to your son and ask him to stop these Psychiatric visits and his Mother giving the boy medication he may not need?
Can your Son not insist on this?
If not, can your Son find the time to go to these Psychiatric consultations, to see what is going on? Surely, the most precious thing in his life, his own Son, deserves the attention, especially with something as serious as his Mental Health.
The only person you can appeal to, to help your Grandson, is his own Father, so I would speak to him.

Bibbity Wed 05-Dec-18 09:22:41

No Dr would prescribe medication on the demands of a mother.
What could be happening is that she is attending appointments updating the Dr on GS condition (which you never mentioned) and together they have decided to alter his medication.

Your son can never get a single day off to go and get involved in his troubled sons health care? That’s not really good.

You clearly have a lot against DIL yet she appears to be the one spearheading his health.
Bipolar is a difficult disorder to live with. But as you say when medicated life can be easier.

sodapop Wed 05-Dec-18 12:29:51

Can't add anything to Bibbity's post, that seems to cover it.

agnurse Wed 05-Dec-18 20:08:51

I think the key thing to remember here is that YOU, as the grandmother, DON'T get a say in this child's medical care.

Presumably his provider has a medical license and is able to determine what's in the best interest of the child. For all we know, the medication he's currently taking is simply not working for him, or could be taking time to work. Maybe the child is angry for a different reason. Maybe that was, in fact, the impetus FOR getting him on medication.

You can't be the one to decide whether or not this child needs medication. For now, all you can do is support your son and his family. Their medical issues are not your business.

Jane10 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:12:42

hmm

MissAdventure Wed 05-Dec-18 20:15:23

I beg to differ.
If a child is being unnecessarily medicated then that is abuse, as far as I'm concerned.
If it were my grandchild I would be having plenty to say.

agnurse Wed 05-Dec-18 20:25:09

MissAdventure

In that case, you would need to go to social services. I would find it HIGHLY unlikely that a licensed, ethical provider would prescribe medications that are not required. In that case, I would also suggest filing a complaint against the provider.

Remember that the OP likely does not have the full story. She's not (nor should she be) privy to her GS's entire medical history.

maryeliza54 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:32:15

This is happening in USA isn’t it ?

agnurse Wed 05-Dec-18 20:43:33

maryeliza

Yes. OKC is Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (southern U.S., just north of Texas), and KCMO is Kansas City, Missouri (south central U.S.). With KCMO it is important to include the state because there are actually two Kansas Cities in the U.S. - Kansas City, Missouri and Kansas City, Kansas.

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-18 20:44:22

Don’t be so pompous, agnurse.
If the OP isn’t privy to her GS’s medical history, then you certainly aren’t, so I don’t know why you think you’re entitled to pontificate.

Of course a child’s medical history isn’t a grandparent’s ‘business’ but it’s perfectly natural for grandparents to be concerned and to worry if it seems to them that a child is being inappropriately medicated.

This isn’t a court of law, it’s Gransnet - where people come to share their worries and seek reassurance and advice.

Elegran Wed 05-Dec-18 20:59:37

It is not easy to comment on medical procedures in other countries. In the UIK, there is no way that medication would be prescribed for a child purely on his mother's insistence. There would have to be tests and a proper diagnosis before drugs would be prescribed by a psychiatrist.

I am sure this is also true in the States, so perhaps the grandmother who is posting doesn't have the full story. The only other person (besides his mother) who has a right to be present at consultations and discuss this with the consultant is his father. Surely he can manage to attend an appointment and contribute to the discussion and the decisions?

LiveLaughLaove Thu 06-Dec-18 07:20:03

The medical field does NOT operate this way. No licensed board physician will prescribe mental health medication to a child that doesn't need it, just because their mother insists on it.

Your son needs to re-evaluate his priorities in life if he can't take a couple of hours off of work to attend to his sons medical appointments.

Your grandson is taking mental health medication because he's been evaluated and diagnosed with a mental health disorder.

Anja Thu 06-Dec-18 07:58:13

🙄

Jane10 Thu 06-Dec-18 09:50:34

Hmmmmm. Onesie!

Anja Thu 06-Dec-18 09:58:33

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

annodomini Thu 06-Dec-18 10:18:47

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Squiffy Thu 06-Dec-18 10:32:48

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BlueBelle Fri 07-Dec-18 07:48:54

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

JasmineGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 07-Dec-18 09:51:59

Good morning,

Please contact us directly if you have any concerns rather than posting on the forums. Thanks!

BlueBelle Fri 07-Dec-18 10:11:56

Jasmine Gransnet I did contact GN earlier today to try an avoid the thread going off piste but still awaiting an answer although you have deleted some of our posts without resolving the problem
We are having a dirth of spoof threads this last week and we are obviously trying to help admins

Hiimrene Sat 08-Dec-18 17:52:19

not that I have ever seen or experienced. I lived near him for a year and he would spend weekends with me and during the week I'd pick him up from school till I had to return him before bedtime. He never disrespected me, followed my rules, ate what I put in front of him, behaved in stores, bedtime was a routine. But I have seen his mom absolutely nut up over some of the simplest things and some of the most public places such as a courthouse lobby.