worried about GD

I love the thought of Gabriella standing at her door making workmen put plastic bags on their feet ???? best thought I ve had all day

To be honest a lot of the answers have gone way over the top of what the original post was stating which was about her clothes smelling of food and fags and her cup not being very clean Now we ve gone to thoroughly neglected children lying in stinking beds with fithy underwear we ve never a long way from the opening problem

I agree...our grandchild at 9 is not made to shower, bathe or brush her teeth and wears filthy dirty clothing for no other reason than her Moms laziness. She is now getting bullied at school. It’s good for kids to be exposed to germs, dirt and messy play, but there is a difference when at the end of a fun day that child is not bathed and is put into a filthy bed to sleep. Our granddaughter has suffered numerous UTI’s because of not bathing and wearing faeces smeared underwear.

Social Services would be run off their feet if every grubby smelly home was reported.

Can I just point out that it isn't always the " run-down " of society that get reported and who are found to be abusive and neglectful !

PS:
I used to have a friend who regularly 'helped' her daughter by nipping in to her apartment, unasked, and doing the washing up, laundry etc. Daughter repeatedly asked her not to. She totally ignored her because my friend's standards were high and she couldn't bear to think of her DD untidy home.

That lady, now in her late 60's is totally alone because she has ruined the relationship between herself and her daughter who took away her key and for the past year has even refused to speak to her mother.

Ok, here's my 2 cent's worth. Nagging never, ever made an intrinsically untidy person tidy.
Nor, if they don't clean up, will that change just because a concerned mu/gran voice her disapproval.
In my opinion, it would just make them even more determined not to do as advised.

This is a life-long problem, this lassie has never been tidy or scrupulously clean even when she lived at home.

I suspect she's doing her best, even though it doesn't look that way to someone whose standards are totally different.
We're allowed to be different and as far as the OP knows, the little girl is happy. That's the main thing.

If this were me, I'd stay silent, or even compliment my DD on how happy and well adjusted her wee girl is.
It could be so, so much worse.

I am very fussy re clean house/beds made/hoovering done/clothes ironed /aired etc.(as was my mother) My daughter has not taken after us regarding housework,but I have to say my grandaughter has never gone out in dirty unironed clothes/has always been well fed(even to the point of buying food that my daughter wont eat,but grandaughter loves eg everything that is fresh/dinners/good stuff.)She is loved knows she is safe and has empathy with others,has good manners,and is talked to and listened to.In other words my daughter is a brilliant/caring(maybe over protective)mother.So ok I see things that need clearing/cleaning/sorting.I do these things when Im there.haha

If you think the child is in danger speak to her GP and social services, they will never reveal from where the information came.

A little bit of dirt never did any child any harm!. You have said your bit so now I think you should stay on the sidelines and say no more. If you live nearby then maybe you could offer to help your DD with some cleaning, but if you continue to criticise you risk not being able to see your DGD at all. Sounds like the house might be a bit damp, has she got enough money to heat it properly?. Maybe you could help with that!.

Hi my DD is also very untidy allergic to cleaning and ironing ! But there is so much love and fun in their home so I just clean up a bit when I'm there and take the good clothes home and iron them !

Thank goodness the young girl has you newnanny.
As has been stated, a bit of dirt never hurt anyone, which is true but for a child to have no choice in the matter and be brought up in squalor is not good at all.
Apart from the health risks, if the floors are covered in rubbish, there will a tripping hazard and if a fire broke out with all the rubbish around, they would struggle to get out, putting their lives at risk.
I certainly couldn't ignore, if my Dgc were in this position.

NanaTuesday I am not sure we are all saying its not the grans concern, the problem is if she goes in all guns blazing she may find that her DD or the BF tell her where to go so a much more careful approach is needed to ensure she can keep visiting and keep an eye on things whilst clearing up and cleaning as she goes. I must say the black mould is worrying and something should be done about that. I like the idea of a one off clean.

Same applies to nursery and preschool and really once a habit is formed it tends to follow on and on. I know a family who live in constant chaos. The eldest daughter who is 11 told me she won't invite her friends around because she does not want them to see her home. They live in a very small house and have 4 children so just not enough room for all of them with 2 bedrooms. 2 children sleep in dining room and so family eats in lounge. Cleaning never seems to happen and really there is nowhere to put all of their stuff. I have offered to help her clean her kitchen as I think she is depressed but I expect it would take days and where to put all of the stuff. Personally I would throw some stuff away and try to keep only absolutely necessary things. I babysit occasionally and when I do I wash up two sinks full of dishes and clean the surface but have to put the clean dishes back on surface as kitchen is so small and very few cupboards. So much stuff on floor you have to move it all before you can vacuum. I feel desperately sorry for them all and eldest daughter comes to see me sometimes and we have tea and cake and she has told me sometimes she just likes to get away form it all. I just try to provide her a little bolt hole when it all gets too much for her.

As someone who had a mother like this and was raised in slummy conditions - I hated it, as did my sister. When you go to school and people are holding their noses around you or you never have friends past the doorstep because the house looks like a pre “How clean is your house” programme ....... you can all do the “it’s none of your business” and “a few germs never hurt anyone” but I can tell you in a few years that child will be miserable in those conditions.

I'm quite surprised, considering there are people who open public doors with their elbows, and so on...

I’m amazed that so many are saying “ it’s not your concern etc”
As the welfare & wellbeing of a grandchild is surely not only a GP concern but a priority if the situation is as this post .
To see a GC living in this type of what appears to be “ sqalour” is a major concern . Slime in a drinking cup , come on if you took your GC to nursery & found this you would be reporting it !
So what is the difference ?
I would definatley be taking action .

The situation is worrying and I suggest that your granddaughter is suffering from depression, perhaps because of her relationship with the father of her child. I was brought up in poor living conditions because my mother was disabled; my school clothes were often dirty and this definitely resulted in bullying and sidelining. I don't know what you can do except do some cleaning up when you visit, which I do as my daughter's bathroom is always grubby ( her husband is supposed to be responsible for cleaning it but doesn't seem to notice the filth - even though he's a compulsive hand washer!). My thoughts are with you.

There's a lot to be said for a homely atmosphere where children and of course the adults are happy and relaxed. Does it matter if it's untidy so long as it's within safety guidelines ?
There's nothing worse than going into somewhere where you're sitting on the edge of the chair------now that's harmful to your health and no good for a child's psyche ! You're frightened to sneeze. Usually the occupants aren't so nice either.

What I am fussy about is food, its preparation and the cooking of it. I rarely eat out and if I should have a coffee I drink it holding the cup in my left hand ( I'm right-handed ) as most are right-handed, if you get my drift.

Jalima1108
Yes, I agree I should have included both mum and dad

I think it is absolutely reasonable to be concerned that the house is filthy and that the girl's clothes stink - yes, it will most definitely lead to bullying at school.

Many many children, including me, were passive smokers in "the old days". We lived with my granddad until I was four and he was a chain smoker, and he visited us regularly thereafter. We know now that it is not advisable but, aside from the usual fairly minor childhood illnesses, I was a healthy child and so were my friends, most if whose parents and/or grandparents also smoked.

However, the vast majority of us had clean, dry clothes to wear and decent food to eat in clean surroundings. Being obsessive about cleanliness is obviously unhealthy but a filthy house is, in my view, unacceptable.

Having said all that, I'm not sure what you should do. You don't want to alienate your daughter and her partner in case they cease contact with you and stop you seeing your granddaughter. As your granddaughter grows older if you have maintained a good relationship with her and her parents you will hopefully be able to have her to stay and be there for her if she needs you.

As others have said, would your daughter welcome some help with household jobs?

why some working mothers can't/don't keep a clean home.
Perhaps fathers could play a role too and do at least some of the chores?
DS does, as did DH

Mumofmadboys - Agnurse simply said IF there was a serious problem that's what Soc Servs are for. I think it's clear to everybody that this is not one of those. The OP has not signalled any intention of going so far, she just wants to see what we all think about it.

The smoking probably not a good idea but I must add that I smoked like the proverbial all during my first pregnancy and my son is now 50 and has never had a day's illness in his life.

Don't worry just leave well alone. My 5 very health gc grew up in similar conditions. They were all much loved and looked after but oh the mess and filth. My dil was brought up in similar conditions and so it carried on. At one time there of the children were sat on the dirty kitchen floor eating their dinners. There would be a black sack of rubbish in the kitchen that contained dirty nappies., dirty dishes that never seemed to get washed on so on. Yet the children were rarely ill or sick.

I get what people are saying about some dirt being good for you, & SS being stretched...but how bad is the dirt? How untidy is the home? Is it so untidy it is unsafe?
When my DD first had kids (at a very young sge) she was rubbish at keeping the house clean & safe for them. I tried my best....showed her, helped her...nagged at the finish...but it fell on deaf ears. It got to the stage where I did contact SS. They arranged a few visits, but always by appointment.....so she tidied before they arrived. I eventually persuaded them to arrive unannounced.....They said the house was terrible. She had to go on a parenting course, and have some counselling as she was depressed. When SS paid a further visit we thought the house was looking great, but they still said the stacks of toys in the corner were tripping hazzards.
If you think your GD is not safe then I would report it. Yes, it didn't do much for my relationship with DD at the time, but she was an adult by then, my Grandsons were babies....safeguarding them was most important. My daughter is a great mum now & we get on well.
Hope everything works out well for your DD & DGD.

When my youngest DD was a single parent she too struggled.she has health problems too. I used to pop over before I went to work help with breakfast and a quick tidy, after work I used to go round and tidy, cook and clean while she bathed DGS she didn’t ask me to do this but I noticed the state things were getting into and decided to quietly help eventually it got too much for me with working full time and running two houses! So they came to live with me until she moved out with her new partner a few years ago. She is now managing much better because they both pitch in! It is very hard keeping house, working and looking after children but if I had to choose for my DD to excel at either house work or child rearing I know which one I would opt for.

Perhaps you could buy her a dishwasher for Christmas - having one installed certainly tidied up my kitchen and all cutlery, crockery and utensils are washed every day.