worried about GD

Perhaps rather than saying anything I'd be more inclined to go around and spend time cleaning it all. You're daughter is an adult and mum, and I think she needs to understand that it's not about her anymore, yes there is untidy, and some times dirty, but it seems to be a pattern with your daughter, and really passive smoking isn't on. If it were me and my 2 year old grand daughter I'd probably get in there, muck in, sort the drains , and consistency but gently keep going.

There's nothing to worry about as long as the child is happy.

I would try to do things subtly. If you are in their house then getting the child a drink would give you an opportunity to scrub her bottle and maybe her plates. Do wash her things but dont say anything to her ma. Dont use too much conditioner. Ive tried all these tricks in the past

Unless the child is at serious risk - the sort of risk that would make SSD intervene in an active way - then best to stay out of it. People have different standards and you may just have to accept this.

I was a SW and remember one little boy I used to visit. When he was about 2, I went into their filthy flat and he was eating a fried egg directly out of the (by then cold) frying pan swimming in grease. Did we take this boy away from his parents? - no - he was healthy and happy and very much loved in a rather happy-go-lucky fashion. He had an egg to eat - far more than some of our clientele got.

Smoke exposure is far from ideal - but no child is received into care for that alone.

I would stay on the sidelines and just give help when asked.

There are lots of things my DC do with the DGC that I would do differently, but it is not my call.

The inside of one of my DD's fridge is unspeakable - I say and do nowt!

I don't know what planet some of you are on RE calling social services.
Are you totally unaware of the pressures these SW are working under and the serious cases they have to decide whether to investigate/ or not on a day to day bases.

This may be partly a housing problem as well as the other concerns. If there is black mould it’s a health issue - Is this a rented property? Is it in good repair?
It’s profoundly depressing living in poor housing and makes simple things (like keeping children clean, drying clothes etc) stressful.
I’m not saying that housing will stop someone washing out a beaker and not smoking in the house but wondered if your daughter’s home is dry and warm?
Also, like another gransnetter - what’s going on with the dishwasher?

Dont use too much conditioner.
apparently conditioner causes mould - according to my plumber. Clothes conditioners cause mould in the washing machine and pipes and hair conditioner causes mould in the shower.
Since I stopped using it I have noticed a difference.

petra there's only one person advocated SS, agnurse as usual. ?

I agree that a few germs do no harm, but OP is not talking about a few germs, but health hazards such as black mould and green slime in the child's feeding vessels!

Dear OP you have mentioned it to your daughter and her husband, and they are not prepared to listen.

A fight between you will do only harm and might well end with your not being welcome in their home, or welcome to have your granddaughter in yours.

If you cannot get your daughter to accept your help cleaning her home then either you have to ignore her mess and hope and pray that your granddaughter is strong enough to survive in an insanitary home, (lots of children always have) or report the conditions to a health visitor or the like. That will lead to a full-blown family quarrel unless you can report it anonymously.

You and others reading this may feel my suggestion is outrageous, but actually, we do have a duty of care to children who are too young to protest themselves and who are living in insalubrious conditions.

The inside of one of my DD's fridge is unspeakable - I say and do nowt!
sorting out the fridge is usually my first job when I go to stay with DD - but only because she asks me to do it! I wouldn't do it otherwise.
I know how busy they are.

Those drinking vessels with inbuilt straws are a harbour for germs unless they are really scrubbed and run through with boiling water.

However, you don't say that your DGD is constantly ill or chesty, so perhaps she's developing a robust immune system.

Put your gloves and apron on and offer to clean. I often clean my one dils/sils place as they both work full time and have a toddler. I offered in the first place and was gratefully accepted. It make me feel I am supporting and helping them.

Stop nagging and start helping that’s my advice.

I think you have to pick the topics carefully. Pick the one most serious risk you can spot, and focus on that. If you can get that sorted out, after a while go for the next most serious. Don't let it start sounding like generic all-encompassing criticism of their lifestyle as that's when you could find estrangements resulting.

Could you offer in a friendly way to give a hand maybe once a week. Sometimes a helping hand offered in a way that does not come across as interfering may well be appreciated. Some people by their nature are more messy and mucky than others. I would be quite worried by the slime in the cup, and the black mould, these are both health risks. One way to keep these cups clean and safe quite easily is to buy some good old fashioned Milton solution, used for sterilising babies bottles. It is available in liquid form or tablet. You don't need to buy a special sterilising unit, just a suitably big enough plastic container with a lid and its straightforward and easy to use. Obviously this has to be done regularly and kept out of the baby"s reach.
A solution of white vinegar and water in a spray will help with the black mold. It actually stops it multiplying if used regularly. Condensation is often the reason for it, and not opening windows enough. I would be concerned in your shoes, but your daughter may also be depressed as well, and this could be contributing to her lack of motivation. Hopefully she will accept a little help from you and get back on track.

How could she? What a mess of a mother. Slime in a child's cup, stinky clothes, mouldy house, sink full of dishes...I'd hate to see the bedding. What a disaster.
No matter what you do, it will never improve your GD's long term living conditions. A very unhappy situation but you will just have to do your best when the child stays with you. I certainly don't recommend cleaning your DD's home. She is quite capable of doing that herself.
You are doing your best and that's all you can do.

Not everyone is capable of keeping a house and clothes clean though. It’s jot just laziness in some people it’s spare time, lack of seeing the mess, depression etc. It can build up and then the job of cleaning a very messy house seems too big to cope with.

A good one off top to bottom clean by another person can be the first step to the ops dd keeping more on top of things.

I agree with the above . If she's happy and growing why intervene!

There was a thread in mumsnet where a poster felt overwhelmed by cleaning her very dirty house. Some mumsnetters pmd her and they formed a team to go round and help her give it a one off clean. It worked really well and she was then
Able to keep on top of things

A bit of sneaky cleaning in important areas, such as the slimy cup, maybe, but I would draw the line at cleaning the house for them, or paying a cleaner. It's just encouraging them to be even more casual. If they are renting, something should be done about the mould, though it is often caused by drying wet clothes in a poorly ventilated house.
I'm rather amused by this thread, because I am the one who has the 'dust if you must' attitude to housework. My daughter is slightly fanatical about tidiness and keeping her house clean (though her bedroom was a tip when she was a teenager) She gets exasperated by my piles of music, knitting on the chair, books scattered about and the slightly unkempt appearance of my house. I'm not unhygienic, but a little dust doesn't bother me, and I enjoy having things to hand when I want them. When I had five children and a husband around it was a case of keeping the place tidy, or sinking under the piles of stuff. Now I can please myself, and do so!

'What a mess of a mother' 'What a disaster'. Both a bit OTT IMHO after only being given a small insight into the situation. If the parents love the child and teach her to be kind and caring this is far more important than clean sinks and ironed clothes.

Yes, I too have a Dd who is untidy and disorganised.

I really have to bite my tongue whenever I visit.
In fact, I would go so far as to say she is fairly grubby.
But dgs usually looks clean and tidy and seems happy enough.
Unfortunately, I can’t criticise. Just have to turn a blind eye.

I think it is important to avoid an outright row about this and side with all those suggesting a little sneaky intervention when you can, for instance always giving the cup a good go when you can get your hands on it but not saying anything about it, likewise a quick clean of the sink when your DD is out of the kitchen - you get the idea. IF at some point the child becomes ill then a low key chat might have to happen but otherwise don't get alienated or you will be able to do nothing.

Maybe the offer of helping her once a week with the housework might be a good one. Do you think she might be depressed? Sometimes that can make us unable to get motivated to do routine chores.
Looking back I don't think I was that good at housework but eventually I learned about routines and planning etc. There are just the two of us now, my husband and myself. We have a cleaner once a week and we stay reasonably civilised. There is a brilliant site called Flylady .com which is free of charge and helps people to get their domestic act together. Flylady is really amazing.

What does DD actually stand for? If it is for daughter, why is there a second D?

I am puzzled. Please explain.