Jealous of other “grandparents “

Your feelings sound natural to me but you would be unwise to do anything but keep quiet, you have had a great Christmas with them and your DIL obviously feels close to these friends as a parental substitute so just try and let them get on with their lives and enjoy your DGC as and when.

My daughter in law sadly died 5 years ago, leaving behind my son and their boy, aged 4. Son remarried last year and so now we have step grandparents as well as ddil family. Tbh it is hard when step grandparents come to look after him from time to time when my son and new ddil go away, but dgs loves them, and they are kind to him and as we live minutes walk away and have been involved so much whilst there was illness and after the death that we have a really close relationship. He still stays weekly, and has a room, clothes, toys in our house! I guess I just am glad dogs has so many people who love him! He certainly needs the support after such trauma... so, your feelings are valid OP, but maybe try to see the love that’s there? Flowers ?

When my son met his now wife both her and her parents tried to take our place in our grandsons (from his previous partner) lives. As they had been with us every weekend for all of their lives, we were a bit annoyed when they started doing things with these others. Sad to say it didn't last long, as soon as dil had her own child, the boys were forgotten about to the point that they would take "their" Gran daughter out and if it was the boys weekend with their dad they would leave the boys at home. Same at birthday and Christmas the girls would get great presents boys just a token gift. Now boys are older in their 20s, sadly have nothing to do with their dad and rest of this family. But thankfully we still see them.

Yes OP, you are being unreasonable.

mabon1 - that is harsh; sometimes we cannot help our feelings - we do not plan to have them, they just drop in on us.

I am sure that Emm14 is not proud of how she feels, and needs help to move forward from this.

PS SiL in this context is son in law! ?

The OP already said she knows her feelings don't have a reasonable basis so I don't know why so many people are scolding her for feelings. OP you're allowed to have any feelings you happen to have, and yes it's obvious from reading other threads on here that LOADS of other grandparents feel the same for whatever reason.

I agree fully with Mycatisahacker. In my family, a new (blood related) grandma was welcomed a few years ago. Until then DH & I were the only GPs. We've made every effort to welcome NewGM and to make her feel part of our family: I now count her as a friend. This has been a positive experience for all: not least, I wanted to show my DGC what it means to be part of a "loving & giving" family.

Good advice; thank you!

Similar feelings here.

But it is with a family friend, my age, who has decided that she can be a BFF to my DIL, and has dropped our relationship, and I feel is encroaching on my relationship with my DIL.

I understand all the 'good' reasons why it is good for my son's family to have lots of good people in their lives; but still struggle with this woman 'taking what is mine -- a relationship with my DIL'

I empathize; no real answer for you; I continue to come to terms with this, as I am sure you are trying to do the same.
Good luck! (Again, I empathize)

You had them for Christmas but are now jealous because they are spending New Years with the other grandparents .....time to pull yourself together. This isn't about you - it's about your grandchildren. If they have lots of people who love them, great ! Do try to stop feeling jealousy over something as silly as this.

Dear Emm14, lots of advice here, some you may want to take and some you may want to leave. Are you actually more upset, rather than jealous?

I try not to be jealous (but was initially often VERY upset) when in our case, my SiLs mother has decided that she is the ‘real’ granny and therefore the one to do the majority of the babysitting, etc. She announced on several occasions, even when I was actually in the room (!), that she is the ‘best’ granny in the world. She has even physically pushed me out of the way to get to one of our ‘mutual’ grandchildren first!

I have said several times that in my view children need as many grandparents, and as many people to love and care for them as possible, but I’m afraid that this falls on deaf ears.

It sounds as though you had a wonderful Christmas with your family and grandchildren (as did we, which was marvellous) and now they have gone to their other family (as have ours!).

I have found some online Mindfulness exercises to be very helpful, and have also taken advice from other Gransnetters, which has helped tremendously. Hope you are feeling better with lots of lovely holidays and Christmasses to come!

ive got family, grandchildren too.In an ideal world it would
be Walton like! As I age I realise my close friends are as important as my family,old quotes like blood is thicker than water etc seem to hold a family up as sacred and I think its true that no one can hurt us like our family can,after all how much time have we given for them?
I would say the best family we can have is our family of choice.

I would re read Luckygirl’s comments on page 1. I also feel resentful that the other grandparents spend a lot of time with the grandchildren .....jealousy is such a painful emotion and seemingly uncontrollable at times. But time will change things, as always, children grow, circumstances change, and who knows what the future may bring.

You have had a lovely Christmas with your family and are so lucky to be a part of your DGS life don't allow jealousy to spoil the relationship you have be glad they are loved by so many others

What's the matter with you silly woman, children need all the love they can have, the green eyed monster has bitten you right enough. Get over it and let the little ones enjoy themselves with people of whom they are clearly fond.

Gosh a whole week spent with you over Christmas. How fortunate you are.

We spent Christmas with my DiL's mum and sister, DS and my DD and SiL.

I found it so lovely that my 3 year old DG showed absolutely no favourites although she sees a lot more of her Nana than she does me. She was thrilled to see us when we arrived and responded to anyone who interacted with her.

Funnily enough as a child my favourite uncle was the one I saw least.

Try not to feel jealous children do not compare and as the others have said the more people that love a child the better.

As an absent grannie living in France and grandchildren in the UK sometimes I get a pang of jealousy when I see photos of them being cuddled and having fun with their other grandparents but it’s not malicious just a gearning to do the same myself. Our grandchildren are lucky to have so many loving people in their lives and I feel lucky to spend the quality time we have together when we visit.

If you truly love someone you want to share that love. You want other people to love them too.

Keep your feelings off your face and never say anything. Be greatefyl your grandchild has so many people who love her. Enjoy this time as you know yourself they are soon teenagers and then fly.

Normally I'd say it's completely normal, lots of grandparents I know (including my parents and in laws) sometimes can't hide that they are jealous of the time the 'other' grandparents get. But to be honest you sound like you're annoyed because these people are getting to play a 'grandparents' role without any biological link to the child. And that's quite spiteful.

Your DIL has lost her family, at least she has people who love her enough to take on that role. You should be happy for her that she still has her own family, even if not her biological one. Would you rather she had no one? How would it be if those people were step parents? Or foster or adoptive parents? There are lots of people who love children like their own grandchildren who have no biological link to them. If your DILs parents were alive you'd have to share 'your' grandchild anyway.

I think you need to start looking at it as more people to love your DIL, son and their child. You might not like them but that has nothing to do with it really, you need to see them as your DILs family, biological or not.

I know how you must be feeling, but love your grandchild and show it every time you are together, life is too short to be jealous and wondering.

My husband passed away 20 years ago and I now have 2 wonderful grandchildren and another one on the way, I feel for them as they have no granddad at all from either side, but my partner of 11 years has become that, they first called him Uncle Steve but they have become so attached to him in the last 10 years that now they call him Uncle/Grandad Steve! Just enjoy every moment you have with them...…

It's never occurred to me to feel this way. Then again I'm neither jealous nor envious of anyone so have never had to display that emotion.
Always happy that there were grannies and granddads galore in times past, as were the children too. Happiness for the children is key.

If you’re referring to Chinese child, that’s not how it is. Have you heard the full story on the news?

I am in a bit off an odd situation as none of my grandchildren are “blood related “ to us . They are the offspring of my adopted and fostered family and we are honoured that we are regarded as important in their children’s lives .
I do try to get on with the other adults in their family but sadly in most cases my children have distanced themselves as they feel that their parents damaged and let them down as children and don’t want the same to happen to their children .
I am just glad that your grandchild has lots of adults in their lives who loves them .