Family problems..

Welcome to GN MaggieTulliver

Without going back over the posts.... I think that the GP has removed the son from the practice because of his non attendance at appointments. He is possibly not registered with any doctor.

I did mean theory test!
My daughter called the police 3 days ago as my GS behaviour was intimidating and erratic. He was subdued in their company but denied he had any problen. He refused consent for them.to enter his room. They recorded the encounter and were of the opinion that he presented cannabis induced psychosis GS refuses to engage with mental health professionals so the police advised my daughtet to call them again if he kicks off and she believes he could be sectioned. I saw him today and he was very odd ..in denial about his mental state ..I found the best way was to listen . love and not confront. He was alternately calm and then angry as a sense of injustice overwhelmed him. His sisters 16 and 12 can be here while Mum is at work but my husband and I were planning to go away for a few days next week and let the girls have the key to our house( they can be trusted ..I am not daft ). We are both 75 and although my mental and physical health is very good my husband is more fragile. We would like to go ..it's only Mon to Fri next week but is it wise?

Your daughter is an adult. It's her responsibility to find appropriate care for her daughters. For you to care for them is kind and generous, but it's not a required responsibility for you to take on. Realistically, your daughter needs to determine the best option for herself and her children as far as her son goes. Personally, I think the best approach is to kick him out, but she has to be the one to make that decision.

I'd suggest going on your holiday. It would probably give you some much-needed stress relief. Your daughter can find alternative arrangements for her daughters and she can also call the police if GS becomes a problem.

I agree with agnurse.
You should go away for a break but don't leave your house keys with your granddaughters. You don't want the worry of your GS possibly causing some sort of trouble there, while you are away.

The GS is currently mentally unwell. It would not be a sensible move to throw him out at this stage. Encourage him to use less cannabis if you can and try and keep the house calm and non confrontational. Wotsit I think you and your DH should go on holiday. This is going to be a problem for a while. There are no quick fixes. Go and be refreshed! Hope things improve x

Thanks for your good advice!!

Sometimes youngsters use drugs as a means of coping with mental health problems. In other cases drugs bring on the mental health problems. Chicken and egg situation!

mumofmadboys

Definitely, mental health issues and substance use problems can go hand in hand. This is commonly referred to as a "dual diagnosis" or "concurrent disorder". For example, it's estimated that about 40% of people with schizophrenia have a concurrent substance use disorder.

Still, that does not excuse the GS's poor behaviour. Unless he is declared to be mentally incompetent, HE is responsible for himself. If he's going to have behavioural issues, it's not safe for him to live with his mum and sisters. He needs to seek help, or he needs to leave. If he is not willing to seek help, apart from having him committed, there's nothing else his mum can do.

uf he refuses to seek help he will have to be sectioned. He can seem very normal but it is soon clear to any professional or anyone with an ounce of perception that he has a skewed view of the world ( conspiracy theories etc) and is very isolated . no job,friends or social life He was such a lovely boy until he was about 14 when he started being irrationally vile to his elder sister. I hope he can recover and become what he has the potential to be. We love him so much and always will but this is a hard time for us all .

Maybe being sectioned will be the way forward, at least he will be out of harms way and hopefully receiving treatment. He will receive medication which may stabilise his condition. Trouble is, he won’t be sectioned until he poses a threat to himself or others.

It will be hard to know whether his delusional beliefs ( conspiracy theories etc) are brought on by his cannabis use or whether he was lapsing into mental illness and used cannabis to self medicate. Does his mum remember Wotsit how he was prior to the cannabis use and whether there were any concerns then?

Sectioned .... you'll be lucky! My daughter has now made 3 suicide attempts recently, last week she fought with me over a large kitchen knife as she was just beyond herself. I had one hand on the knife drawer and knife and one on my phone calling for help. I couldn't hear them on the other end as she was screaming so I just kept shouting my name and address and that I wanted some help urgently. I said I needed an ambulance so that they would take her for her own good and actually help her! What happened instead was that the Police arrived with an armed response unit!!! They went upstairs to her bedroom and she had calmed down by then as they weren't quick ..... stood the ARU down and said that they would "leave her in the care of her family as that was best" I am disabled, haven't slept for months worried about all this and was struggling to cope before it happened, and was physically shaking. She then necked a bottle of Gabapentin that she stole off me when I wasn't looking (and hadn't noticed as I am not using it at the moment) and has been stashing the medication she has been given to help her ..... it's a bloody joke - the Mental Health Service in this country is just not there when it is needed. before Christmas she finally mnanaged to get an appointment with a Pyschiatrist who when summing up said "I really do not think she is even moderately depressed"!!! She wanted to blow her head off after that comment as she really feels so bad about herself and no-one appears to be listening. It's terrible ...... good luck to any other Gransnetters out there who are having to deal with such MH issues .... I have had enough of my own to deal with when I became ill in my 40's, and became unable to work.

MadeInYorkshire - I feel so sorry to read what you are going through. I would ring the Mental Health Team, and speak to the Team Leader and request a home visit from one of them. You yourself are disabled and should not have to deal with this without some outside help. I would keep insisting that they come out to see you I wouldn't let it rest. I hope you get the help you deserve. (I do understand).

Thank you so much megan123 ...

Funnily enough things have sort of turned themselves around and at the moment (touch wood) they are actually going her way .... her passion is horses and was doing a Masters degree in Equine Science (with only one GCSE to her name in Drama, so was so proud of her doing that, and that she got a First in her first year! Unfortunately, her father made the comment which set it all off, which was "did anyone else do better?" and all the trauma of her earlier years came flooding back (a very long story ....) and things began to go very rapidly downhill, with exam stress and eventually her literally not being able to do anything at all, even down to being unable to leave her house. She came back to me before Christmas and as you know I have been desperately trying to get some help. The alternative to doing the degree was that she would come back here and do her old job again which she loved, and then recommence the 2nd year once she had had a break and hopefully got her head straight. Then came the awful blow that she found out that the chap she had been working for had been sacked, so her job was no longer there, so that was another huge blow and she just couldn't cope Anyway, the new chap who she had asked if he had any work and originally said he had plenty of staff, called her up on NYD and offered her her job back! So she has been back working with the young racehorses which she just loves, so am hoping this will allow her to get some treatment, have a breather with little pressure so she can start again in September ..... all this has been going on for around a year and she has just told her father (actually she told his wife who has been very supportive (over text!) and he hasn't been in touch at all - not that he will be told most of it has been down to him and his disparaging comments which have instilled a fear of failure into her!

Keep your fingers crossed for us! x

I'm very glad to hear that things are a little better for your daughter, MadeInYorkshire.
I think her father, and his wife, should definitely be told of the harm done by disparaging comments, along with a request to avoid these in future.

So pleased to hear things have improved MadeInYorkshire.
The best tonic in the world - horses . Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Megan123 and FarNorth Thank you Ladies!

I have a friend who has the same problem, he is 17 and has been violent verbally and is manipulating my friend (who is also disabled) and her husband terribly - we reckon he had about £3k off her last year as she just couldn't remember what she had given him and kept handing over her bank card! Social Services were involved for about a year but the parents just wouldn't communicate their wishes to the lad properly and he just played one off against the other and still does - they are incredibly naive! I have spoken to her about some of the stuff written here and I do think they should 'out' him as he is permanently stoned now, smokes his stuff on their property (you can smell it walking past) and they go away and leave him there and he spends his time entertaining all of his rough mates in all their beds and driving their car around unlicensed at night (BMW 6 Series convertible, nothing cheap!) because they don't take the keys with them! Honestly they just keep enabling him as you say and it is just awful! A couple of weeks ago he brought a different girl home on 4 nights on the trot and he has people staying in the house without asking and I have seen pictures of when they were away, of a mate of his wearing my friend's clothes so they had obviously been raking around her drawers in their bedroom - I just cannot understand why they let him continue to do it .......? I am embarrassed for them

What a disgrace!
Why only 4 nights?

Does anyone know why your children stop bothering with you when you become ill. Is it because you can not child mind and you are therefore of no purpose too them. The result also seems to be making it difficult to see the children. This beaviour is very alien to me and not what I ever imagined grandparenting would be.

What update on the OP?