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Grandparenting

Boys toilets

(26 Posts)
Nannyxthree Sun 06-Jan-19 14:56:54

I need some practical advice please. I had daughters but now have small grandsons. They want to use the 'boys' toilets in supermarkets/ teashops etc. by themselves but I think they are too young at 5 and 6 years. I'm not sure when I think they will be old enough though.

EllanVannin Sun 06-Jan-19 15:04:35

I'd be taking them with me to the ladies, they're only little.

MissAdventure Sun 06-Jan-19 15:07:30

I remember my daughter not being sure what to do about these sort of things with her boys.
I think maybe around 6 or 7 she let them use the mens, but told them to use a cubicle.

Buffybee Sun 06-Jan-19 15:08:52

I'd say that they were a bit too young but ask their Mum what she does, would be my advise.

cornergran Sun 06-Jan-19 15:10:43

I'd ask their Mum. I used to take or send ours into the disabled toilet if it was empty, seemed a safe compromise. If they used the male toilet I told them firmly to use a cubicle and stay together.

TerriBull Sun 06-Jan-19 15:16:34

I took my boys into the ladies at that age, and into the women's changing rooms, and shoved them into a cubicle and told them not to stare at anyone dressing or undressing, when we went swimming, as indeed many still do where I go now. I wouldn't have been happy to let them go into the mens on their own. I really don't think women object to an accompanied small boy using female toilets.

notanan2 Sun 06-Jan-19 15:26:51

8 tends to be the cut off at sports centres etc.

Until 8 my kids went into the loo of whichever adult they were with.

After 8 they went to their own sex loos (with nervous adult hovering at the door LOL)

no way is 5 old enough to go in a public loo alone!

notanan2 Sun 06-Jan-19 15:33:39

Having 2 of the same sex makes it a bit easier because at least you can send them in together

notanan2 Sun 06-Jan-19 15:36:14

The problem with cubicles is they can have things like syringes in them so in a way the urinals are a bit more open and safe?

When I take kids in the ladies with me I always check the cubicles first for risky stuff (and sometimes find it!)

Grandma70s Sun 06-Jan-19 16:15:24

It’s quite tricky, isn’t it? My two were 9 and 6 when my husband died. They did use the men’s loos, but always together, I think. I was always very nervous (not quite sure why!) but as far as I know nothing bad ever happened. I think I was nervous because I had never been in a men’s loo and didn’t really know what I was sending them in to.

NanaandGrampy Sun 06-Jan-19 16:22:29

Until 8 they always came with me if Grampy wasn't available.

Now they are 9,7 and 4 .

The 4 year old comes with me ( much to his disgust it has to be said ) and if the other 2 are together I let them go in the gents and hover like Notanan.

If I'm concerned in any way I have a radar key and I just take them in the disabled loo with me .

BlueBelle Sun 06-Jan-19 17:01:09

I think mine were about 7 and then we hovered at the door and I remember once one seemed a bit long and as a man came out we asked him to call his name and he came running out You can send yours in together though safety in numbers
It’s dufficult isn’t it

M0nica Sun 06-Jan-19 18:04:47

I would say 8 or 9, depending on their height and maturity.

Nannyxthree Sun 06-Jan-19 18:17:31

Many thanks for the advice. I think I will remain deaf to their request for a while. Also should have explained that grandsons are cousins, not brothers, so I might not have the two at the same time.
If OH is with me then problem is solved but he has been known to come out again and say that the mens is not fit for the boys to use and /or the urinals are too high for small boys!

Bridgeit Sun 06-Jan-19 20:45:57

I think most of us would or have done the same and most ladies using the loos understand why we do it.

Purpledaffodil Sun 06-Jan-19 21:18:07

DGS is nearly 9 and has just started being allowed to go into Men’s loos on his own with hovering female relative.
On another note, I was hovering outside the men’s loos when DS was a small boy. He came outside crying hysterically so I went rushing in to sort out the terrible pervert within. I found out he couldn’t turn off the hand drier.😱

Riverwalk Sun 06-Jan-19 21:47:31

Why not ask your daughters, their mothers? hmm

Grammaretto Sun 06-Jan-19 22:01:23

I agree they are too little yet
Get daddy to take them.
I used to volunteer at a leisure centre. A boy of about 7 came to me at the desk saying there was a sick man in the toilet.
I found the caretaker and he found a man injecting heroin in the men's toilets. Don't wish to scare you but a cautionary tale.
Years ago I let my DS go to the pool changing rooms by themselves aged 7 and 5.
The older boy had a fall at the poolside and although he seemed recovered he wasn't .
He went back to the changing rooms to dress but failed to emerge. I eventually asked a strange man if he could check if my son was still there. He was brought out some time later very woosey and possibly concussed.
He recovered eventually at home but I wish I could replay events that day.
I should add that I was unable to get through the turnstile at the swimming baths to rescue my boy.
Changing rooms have definitely improved since those days and even the pool has been demolished. It was the same pool where Sean Connery used to show off his diving skills body when he was a lifeguard.

Nannyxthree Mon 07-Jan-19 10:06:12

Thanks for all your replies. I've never heard any other ladies remarking on the boys using the Ladies. The pressure is from the boys themselves since they've been going to school and have got used to single sex toilets.

notanan2 Mon 07-Jan-19 14:57:10

I think 8 is a good cut off not because of "ladies" but because of 8/9 year old girls who may be starting their periods etc or just want to have a space that feels private.

At 9 I would have felt acutely aware and uncomfortable if a boy my age came into the girls loos.

Then again if the boy identifies as a girl on tuesdays then developing girls feelings dont matter apparently...

Parsley3 Mon 07-Jan-19 15:33:31

The unisex toilets for disabled people and with baby changing facilities are useful for this problem with young GC. My OH would use this facility if he was out alone with his granddaughter. He didn’t want to take her to the gents.

Franbern Mon 07-Jan-19 15:51:45

Makes the point that all public toilets should be cubicles and non gender specific. Solve all these problems immediately

notanan2 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:04:38

No it wouldnt. Being a young girl in a cubicle in a mostly deserted loo with a man loitering around the sinks would not feel safe! Its fine for a single loo to be non sex specific but not where there are multiple cubicles and communal sinks.

Ladies/girls loos must be protected. Why not make the mens all inclusive for those that want that? Or a 3rd loo.

Franbern Tue 08-Jan-19 17:34:01

Never managed to find any public loos which are mostly deserted. Always seem very busy.
Notanan2 are you seriously thinking that most men are sexual predators? What a sad view of the world

Nelliemoser Tue 08-Jan-19 18:13:58

I dont think my not very tall grandsons could reach the toilet seat yet in ordinary toilets.