Asd/aspergers

Thank you for your reply, j10. I asked because I know you are knowledgeable about such things. Your answer explains why you used the word contentious.

PS I have googled it in the past.

I agree with many of the above comments. Is my DGS behaving as he is because he’s a teenager or because of his ASD. We love him to bits. He is funny, loving, great sense of humour, stubborn, pedantic so many different things. What has helped us as grandparents is to understand when he was younger that he was not just being naughty, being stroppy, sulky etc but that he was struggling with emotions that we could not understand. Once the diagnosis was made (we had no idea) and we had read up more about it, it helped us to think more about things from his point of view. Why everything he did had to be in colour/size order. Things could not just be tidied away until they conformed to his specific requirements. The traits we though were stubbornness were things that he felt deeply about and he couldn’t cope with those feelings and us trying to make him behave as we thought he should only made things worse. The diagnosis/label whatever you call it gave us the chance to show him that we care. We love him as he is. We are so proud of him and all he has achieved. When young he insisted on taking off items of clothing while we were trying to get him dressed to go out. Without the diagnosis how could we understand the torture he felt at cotton on his skin. How his socks used to drive him mad with irritation. Drying his hair with a towel hurt his head. None of these things would have occurred to us. Diagnosis isn’t everything but sometimes it helps. We are lucky our DGS can cope with day to day life. Many ASD children cannot.

Doodle you could be writing about my grandson.Everything you say rings true. Sensory issues need to be understood as they can affect behaviour radically.The school bell still upsets my DGS and he is unable to wear his PE socks as they are so uncomfortable for him. Having his hair cut actually hurts him.It is so good that we and his teachers can recognise this and deal with it.

It’s true greenfinch. Until I read more about it I had no idea that some children (presumably adults too) couldn’t cope with some fabrics or textures touching their skin. It is something that would never have occurred to me. I watched a video once by the National Autistic Society that showed a scene in a shopping mall once from the perspective of most people and then again the same scene as some autistic children see and hear it. It was horrendous. How they cope with the barrage of information noise, sensations etc and all that goes on, no wonder some have meltdowns.

I thnk I have posted about this a few years back but when I was still in FT employment I went to a conference where a young woman was speaking. She was on the AS and needed a full time carer to keep her safe. She delivered a very eloquent talk on what it was like for her to enter a room such as the one we were in, what she had to do to prepare herself for new situations and what it had been like for her growing up. To all intents and purposes standing on the podium she had no disability. Then she explained her inability to curb her impulses. She loved trampolining and if she saw a trampoline she just went for it, even if it meant crossing a dual carriage way. She could not inhibit the impulse unless actively reminded of the danger.

I meant also to say that I think a diagnosis is useful when it helps to make like easier for the child/person concerned. If it is used to inform ways to support a person to manage their interactions & to support others to know how to interact with the person with ASD/ ADHD etc then it is helpful.
If it is used to merely excuse behaviour so nothing changes then it seems pointless.

People on the spectrum have pointed out that a diagnosis is not a label but a signpost to appropriate understanding and management.

That’s a good explanation Jane10.

Exactly Jane10. My lovely (adult) nephew finds life easier to negotiate now he understands why he appears out of kilter with the majority. It helps us to talk him through work situations that he gets frustrated with etc etc.

Hi all. My 4 nearly 5 yr DGS is diagnosed as autistic. He is a sweet chap but I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with him. We have him stay over every other weekend and he is obsessed with the cat! He can be a bit rough with him and won’t let go of him sometimes. Sounds silly but he is a strong chap and can easily hurt the elderly cat. Also I notice how hard it is to engage with my DGS at times and would appreciate some tips please ?he tends towards my DH more.

I just don’t think a 5 year old hitting out because he is stopped doing something he wants to do is the cause to lable the child, if it is just about every 5 year old kid in the land has Pathalogical demand avoidance now

Yes, I agree that actual diagnosis of various spectrum disorders ought to be carried out by those qualified to recognise them, but by the same token teachers and others who work professionally with children are uniquely placed for first flagging up any issues.

Neither should parents concerns be dismissed .

At least these conditions are being recognised earlier and children who might have been misunderstood are having a more sympathetic ride through our education system. But as Jane says it is a bit of a postcode lottery.

I was so pleased the other day in Tesco when a bit of about 12 was having a mini-meltdown at the self check out. His father dealt with it really well but the woman on the till beside me started to tut-tut and was told off by her elderly companion who quietly explained he probably had ‘special needs’.

When a boy of about 12..

If he is clearly very bright, one of the first things that is needed is an IQ test or equivalent.

I used to work with intellectually gifted children and this kind of behaviour could be a sign of an exceptionally bright child bored out of his mind at school. Is the reading material he is given at school far too simple for him? Is he bored stiff being taught slowly in class mathematical concepts he grasped when he was 3?

One solution might be to enrich his intellectual environment. Does he have a subject that he is fascinated by? then look online at some of the open learning courses. Yes, they are aimed at adults, but if he is a good reader and has the ability he will really engage with them. They will challenge him and give him the intellectual stimulus he needs to help to deal with the lack of sufficient stimulus at school.

What I find devastating is the medication that these youngsters have to take.
I have a GGD whose behaviour left a lot to be desired, but she's a loving child for all that.
The meltdowns that she used to have were frightening as her need to destroy everything in her path were such that her mother ( my GD ) couldn't take her shopping at all.

In her earlier years I'd have put it down to frustration and the fact that there were 6 other siblings to compete with but as her " condition " worsened it was decided that she should attend a " special school " , who, I might add, wouldn't take her unless she was medicated.

Yes, the medication calmed her, but depleted her appetite and she lost a lot of weight and having been a bonny ( not fat ) child, it was noticeable and upsetting for me as it seemed to alter the child that she was.
It's also worrying to me that such medication which is intended to treat that part of the brain which is affected also has a negative effect in altering a person's personality. Any anti-depressive has the same effect----but what other alternative is there ?

The child is 11 this year and must wonder what's happening to herself. It's a heartbreaking illness as she has no understanding of danger either. Home life is very normal and she's not made to feel any different to her brothers and sisters.

ASD is not an illness

This is all very close to home at the moment, and a source of immense concern.

My feeling is that we are all different. Some people show greater autistic traits than others, but that this is simply part of the spectrum of being human. I am not sure that labels are helpful, except as a way of humanising the environments into which children are shoehorned, as if they are all one homogeneous entity.

I note that the sticking point (or flaring-up point) for many children on the fringes of this diagnosis relate to school and the only use the diagnosis serves is to tell the staff that a particular child will find some things more difficult than others. We should not have to get a label to stick on a child before schools take account of individual difference and the need for flexibility. The current rigid curriculum and SATs are just making things worse for these children.

Maybe I posted in the wrong place last week by mistake, but it was the same topic. No one has even replied to me. I was just asking for advice please if you see my previous post. Thankyou

I don't remember seeing your post Jen.
Maybe try again - a new topic on the Health forum, or Education if more appropriate.

Thankyou Fennel. I will do. I may also scout around the various society’s.

Things improved for a while with dgs at school, school suggesting that he do half days for a week,then stay to lunch before going home this week.Educational psychologist is coming to observe this Friday. Then today dd found out that school have had a written complaint from a parent complaining about dgs behaviour at school,presumably found out from her child in his class. Dd is devastated,in tears sobbing,telling me she just wishes her son was like other childre. She suffers with anxiety anyway and I am finding it heartbreaking seeing the whole family so upset by the situation. Felt I needed to tell what had been happening.

MaryRose I understand how difficult it is for your DGS, your daughter and you as grandparent.

MN has a very good SEN support section .
Might be worth you both taking a look
(My apologies if you have already seen it).

Bless your daughter how did she find out that a parent had made a written complaint?

Maryrose I'm going through very similar situation with a GC. He's seen a paediatrician, speech pathologist and occupational therapist who all think he's "on the spectrum ". Now waiting for the apparently all-important psychologist assessment.
Once that happens, we are assured "early intervention " will be put in place as appropriate. We've been told he has severe sensory processing issues.
It's a difficult time, isn't it? You just want them to feel secure and happy!
We'll certainly be doing all we can to assist once there's a diagnosis and more explanation of what the little fella actually requires from us caregivers