Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Page 8 of 8 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

daughter in law

(177 Posts)
Add comment | Report
showergelfresh Wed 30-Jan-19 02:08:19

I pick up my gs from school 3 days a week and look after him at his own house as its near his school and I live a bus ride and short walk away, until the parents return from work at about 5.30 with the little one collected from nursery. We both have a fabulous time together.

The DIL and I have never got on although like most of us on here I have kept my mouth shut and smiled nicely etc. etc.
As a result I've always had the children on my own in my house which I love. The parents are unappreciative but what can I do and I don't care really.

I try to keep clear of the DIL as much as possible as in the past have shed many tears over her attitude and have no desire to carry on being so upset.

The problem at the moment is she's started working from home sometimes and I never know when. When she is there its terrible. She's mooching around, making coffee and then wandering back upstairs to her laptop. I dry up to a wreckage when she's even in the same building she is so judgementally critical in the most coercive ways - I can't play with my gs properly and everything goes from fabulously fun to utterly uncomfortably awkward just because she's hovering.

I've suggested she collect him from school on the home working days but no...
"I am working until 5."

Shall I suggest I bring him back to my house on the days she is working from home? its a 45 minute journey there and back walking and bus - that's the problem and my gs is only 4.

I really can't stand to be anywhere her her she's affects me that badly and apparently I do her so isn't it crazy she can't just say she'll collect him on home working days? He's old enough to watch tele after school while she works and she can play with him after 5. I have suggested this.

I want to be with my gs but can't bear to be near her and her underhanded criticisms because maybe she can't bear to see someone else having a lovely relationship with her son. Who am I to say why she's like she is? I have no idea.

If I was her when mine were little I would have given the moon for someone like me!

I bought mine up alone and had a full time job! There was noone around to help let alone a grandma offering so much!

What can I do? How do I deal with everything when she's working from home? I wish I was more easy going about her but even if I was I feel she would carry on going till she 'got to me'.

Any ideas please.

Add comment | Report
GrandmainOz Sun 03-Mar-19 03:34:57

You're doing the parents a huge favour. But it's turning you into a bit of a martyr. This isn't healthy for anyone. You have no automatic right to "alone time " with your GC. Neither do the parents have an automatic right to be provided with free childcare (especially when it's actually an inconvenient arrangement for you with travelling to and fro! Where's your son's consideration of his mother??)
DIL's child, DIL's home - so her rules stand. If you don't like that, or feel uncomfortable, you must extricate yourself from this time consuming minefield and just offer what you feel able to deal with.
It's then the parents' choice whether they accept this, or look at different childcare.
You can make it clear that you still want to help in some capacity and see GC, but that the current set up is too much for you.
I help with my GC but would never agree to such a draining situation, plus my kids wouldn't take advantage of me. (They'd get short shrift!)
What's happening at the moment just sounds so tense, you'd be wise to put a stop to this before you or DIL snaps and says something to the other that can't be taken back.

Page 8 of 8 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |