Losing grandson to smartphone

My grandson is nearly 12 and since he went to ‘big school’ at 9 he’s had a phone ...before you all shout ..... it is because he has a two mile walk to and from school and his parents believe the phone is for his safety. His walk is along a n A road with a dual carriageway! He picks up two friends on the way and coming home. Safety in numbers! At school phones have to be handed in to office and are not given back until 3.30. Kids have access to make any necessary calls at lunch time (about any change to plans ) and then are handed back to office! All phones have id tags. At home he’s allowed 3/4 of hour on any tech he wishes bd it tv ,switch, PS4 , or Wii. Likewise his 7 year old sister( no phone). Then it’s dinner , bath ...a half hour of tv for youngest then bed with story. All and any devices are left downstairs on charge. NO tv’s in bedrooms! Seems to work.

I go to a spa once a week were the rules are no moblie phones.If people are seen using them they are asked to put them in the locker.So for 2 hours bliss .Salt cave rooftop jacuzzi swimming pool with hydrotherapy jets and mosaic hot stone loungers and no sound of phones going off

I go to the Spa once a week were no moblie phones are allowed anyone using them is asked to put in locker or leave result bliss

Our granddaughter is 11 and she's been the same since she started secondary school. My son, his wife and granddaughter come over every Sunday afternoon and we all sit and chat but she sits on her phone the whole time.
I can't say I'm that happy about it, but it's not for me to tell her not to be on it, it's up to her parents. I also think it can't always be much fun for grandchildren to be sitting round their grandparents houses at that age. I try to think back to when I was her age, I used to love sitting round aunts and uncles houses but my sister would never come with us as she found it too boring!

Totally agree playing board games visiting places conversation is now taking second place since my GS turned 12 and now has his phone welded to his hand and if he isn't using his phone he is up in his room on his Xbox sad how times have changed glad my 3 DC were all teenagers before these things took over

All 3 of my older GC have phones ( 14,12 & 10) & are ion them constantly.
I used to mind but now I see they get a lot from it- not just keeping in contact with friends but looking things up & TBH I am never far from mine so can't really complain

Have you tried engaging him in a game of cards, dominoes, Jenga or board games like Monopoly?

My gs has permanent texter's droop said my ds when I mentioned his bad posture she says they all have it

I allow my grandchildren to have screen time for half an hour and then get them to have a break. If they do what they have to do with a smile on their face (or at least, not sulking) they get to have some more time later. I consider it to be a privilege not a right.

It's not just teenagers that are glued to a mobile phone though. My youngest adult son is addicted to it. It really gets me mad. I talk to him and wonder if he hears me. I say to him, are you listening? He takes me to the supermarket and is looking and texting as soon as we park up and walking round the store. Again I have to repeat myself when I say something. I've recently had to tell him to keep off his phone when we're out visiting relatives. I think it's so rude when you're in someones company. Mobiles kill the art of conversation in my opinion. They become an addiction in so many people. Many times I've sat with a friend who stops me when I'm talking to answer a call and then I sit there for a few minutes while she chat's on to someone else then carries on with me. Grr. Am I getting old and grumpy or just old fashioned. I do believe that mobiles are an excellent way for youngsters and people of any age for communication and more so for emergencies and parents and children to be able to keep in touch but I do hate to feel that I'm being ignored is something different altogether. I'm probably the only person in the country that doesn't use one.

Is it just me who thinks that a 12-year-old shouldn't need babysitting?

End of an era

That's exactly it NotTooOld

I felt a change when mine became teenagers, when mine preferred their rooms to the sitting room, when they were old enough to stay out until 4am and the hardest challenge for all Mums, when they left home and I had to wave them goodbye.

I hate the way all people switch off when they have a mobile phone in their hands. It's about far more than telephone calls, isn't it? I am sorry Imm6 but it's what teenagers do. (My teenage time wasting was reading Jackie, drooling and day dreaming over pop star posters on my wall and listening to the radio - that's how I shut out the older generation, but only because of growth hormones and mood. )

I am finding every little bit of 'maturity' my DGC gain rather poignant (they range between 3 and 8) but I delight in their progress. Being glued to a mobile phone doesn't seem like progress to me, but it is the way of the world, unfortunately.

Oh I hasten to add my young DGC don't have mobile phones. The oldest knows how to use an iPad though and is allowed a limited amount of screen time every day.

GrandmaKT. I do think a 12 year old is too young to be left alone in the house for more than about 30 minutes or so. Back in the 1980s, my children were 14-15, before I would leave them alone . It is not whether they will behave themselves in the home when they are on their own, but whether they are capable of dealing with an emergency when it arises.

I think that it is more than possible to control children's use of mobile phones and tablets. DGD started secondary school in September and got both. The family came down at Christmas, she clutching her phone and tablet, which she hardly used, except now and again to check info.

Her parents aren't forever on the phone or tablets and most of her friends come from families with similar attitudes.

Parents are adults and they are in charge and they should not expect their children to do something they do not do themselves. Example is everything.

Monica, help me, please? Does it run the risk of a GC saying 'oh I don't want to go there' when GPS house and rules become a pain? I respect the logic but wonder about ensuing consequences. That's all. Also my rules might include a very occasional sweet treat. An absolute no no from their parents. I comply, of course, but I do wonder about it.

There haven't been any complaints. In our case it is the parent's rules, and more importantly their behavior and that of other adults around them, plus friends whose parents have similar rules that mean there have been no complaints, because the children are merely conforming to the behaviour they see all around them.

If you can’t beat them join them. When sitting with him send him some messages, emojis, jokes. Share funny YouTube clips.

Thanks. Didn't understand it was parents' rules in your house but that makes sense and is certainly what I practise.

Our views on the subject are no different from their parents. It doesn't really amount to rules, DGD just behaves the way everyone round her behaves, which is what most children do.

Re 12 yr old and babysitting.. yes 12 yr olds can and do manage by themselves as I can as I hurtle theough my 60s but being in company is also good for you and, at 12, a way to practice conversation, to make grandma a cup of tea etc etc! We are no Janet & Jihn famiky but it makes me smile when the 4 DGC sit down for tea together and one asks of the others, " So did you have a busy day?" ?

Just thinking...... in days of yore if I had guests in and my phone rang I do believe I would have excused myself and answered the call. I further believe my guests would have expected me to. Can't imagine ever leaving it to ring out under the heading of politeness. Am I remembering this wrongly and is there any parallel to today?

I can't even imagine what the next big thing to take over our DGC's lives and minds will be. I dread to think.

But when I answered, I would always say I had a visitor with me and would ring back later - and calls were far lass frequent then.

Many 'calls' are instead texts and many are utterly trivial and can await a reply, ditto the calls. Even then you do not need to sit clutching your smartphone willing it to ring.`

It is quite possible to put aphone on a hallt able or window sill and just walk over and answer it if it rings and tell/text someone that it is inconvenient if they want a conversation.

M0nica not screens at table is a very sensible and courteous 'rule' and one that is across all my family. I do not see mobiles as evil or damaging in themselves any more than becoming over reliant on anything! Someone talked about spending time in their bedroom as a young teen reading teen magazines and , in my case, playing and replaying the latest singles I had bought.. for hours until I knew every lyric! Now DGD1 does not have a Dansette record player but can find her music on the phone.. the activity is the same the method different!
The reason I said my DGCs should share was because I wanted them to communicate with each other whilst together rather than do isolating activities. I might have equally encouraged them to engage with each other if they had all hived off to different rooms with a book and not spoken to each other.