Losing grandson to smartphone

I think the school holidays are a problem for teenagers and their parents. Parents are working and cannot take the whole time off. The teens do not want to be supervised but how long can they really be left to their own devices? Seriously, parents are castigated for not checking up on what their young people are up to on social media or hanging around in town centres, but they also need to work.

Mine were fine at visiting and staying over until they were 15, now I rarely see them except for the odd meal out, they prefer being with their friends.? Just as I did.?

Gs (12) came to mine yesterday after school..he was sat in chair watching some youtube stuff blasting away, I looked at him again and he was fast asleep in the chair still clutching his phone! still blasting away!

Younger Gs (4|) instructs everybody at eating times "No Toys At The Table" lol lol.

It's a people problem- People created technology- Think of how many things over the course of history people be like, "Oh, it's nothing to worry about! Everyone is doing it, it's safe!-" The only way through such times is to actually "not do"- Even if just for a a day or two- It will provide insight- There will indeed be a shift in perspective from seeing grandma is needy to also seeing how needy one is themselves as well-

Afeica33, my late husband was 30+ years in IT and his thoughts on the matter very much mirrored your own- He never had to make a hard break because he never engaged, reason being his observations of IT's possible consequences from the onset were evident-

He was my hero, an advocate and precisely insightful regarding the progression and impact of technology on society and the environment as a whole-

Working towards revising the industry's course as a professional proved especially stressful, he suffered crushing depression as a result- But he never caved in his efforts to cultivate change despite corporate power and dominance of the almighty dollar-

Get angry and bossy. Works wonders with my two.

Thanks BlueBelle. No, he will have other days when he can meet up with friends I guess, but on my days he is too far away. For reason I can’t go into, he needs supervision.
He was fine with board games last Christmas holidays, preferably winning at Monopoly. Other games are available.

Same here Izabella I always have a book on the go and read at every opportunity. Real books not ebooks. I suppose that could be just as anti-social.

In my experience no 14 year old boy is going to enjoy playing board games with his gran but then that’s only me Take phones out of the equation even my own son at 14, all those years ago, had grown beyond that
It is really really hard if you’re looking after someone in that age group
Cant he meet up with friends at least for part of the day don’t forget a generation ago a lot of boys of 14 were working
Harrigran that sounds a familiar conversation however they spend hours talking to each other so must be able to use words ?

My 14 year old grandson is currently banned from all devices, so him on his phone won’t be my problem. He is coming to me for various days in the school hols and I am wondering how he / I will cope. He will be given some jobs to do and will gladly play board games with me for a while but that is not going to fill the time.
The sort of places he would go with his friends are not places he would want to go with his Granny ( how embarrassing!) so I am trying to gather some ideas, as he is too old for adventure playgrounds and too young for some of the more adult pursuits.
Yes, they can be left at 12, but even at 14, too many days on their own is not a good thing, especially this lad.

Interesting thread. My friends and family would say they have always lost me to books - a lifelong passion of mine.

You can try asking him to leave the phone to one side but expect eye rolling and sighing.
If I haven't seen teenage GD for a week or two I will message her, ask how she is etc. Her answers are typically :- fine, great, yep or nope. She is clearly not spending a great deal of time composing messages.

cant you suggest playing games with him or going out for a walk.( mobile left indoors.) and no mobile while eating meals. say homework first then mobile for an hour .I only let my gc have ipad /android for half an hour .then its only kids videos. thats plenty as it will ruin their eyes .

M0nica not screens at table is a very sensible and courteous 'rule' and one that is across all my family. I do not see mobiles as evil or damaging in themselves any more than becoming over reliant on anything! Someone talked about spending time in their bedroom as a young teen reading teen magazines and , in my case, playing and replaying the latest singles I had bought.. for hours until I knew every lyric! Now DGD1 does not have a Dansette record player but can find her music on the phone.. the activity is the same the method different!
The reason I said my DGCs should share was because I wanted them to communicate with each other whilst together rather than do isolating activities. I might have equally encouraged them to engage with each other if they had all hived off to different rooms with a book and not spoken to each other.

But when I answered, I would always say I had a visitor with me and would ring back later - and calls were far lass frequent then.

Many 'calls' are instead texts and many are utterly trivial and can await a reply, ditto the calls. Even then you do not need to sit clutching your smartphone willing it to ring.`

It is quite possible to put aphone on a hallt able or window sill and just walk over and answer it if it rings and tell/text someone that it is inconvenient if they want a conversation.

I can't even imagine what the next big thing to take over our DGC's lives and minds will be. I dread to think.

Just thinking...... in days of yore if I had guests in and my phone rang I do believe I would have excused myself and answered the call. I further believe my guests would have expected me to. Can't imagine ever leaving it to ring out under the heading of politeness. Am I remembering this wrongly and is there any parallel to today?

Re 12 yr old and babysitting.. yes 12 yr olds can and do manage by themselves as I can as I hurtle theough my 60s but being in company is also good for you and, at 12, a way to practice conversation, to make grandma a cup of tea etc etc! We are no Janet & Jihn famiky but it makes me smile when the 4 DGC sit down for tea together and one asks of the others, " So did you have a busy day?" ?

Our views on the subject are no different from their parents. It doesn't really amount to rules, DGD just behaves the way everyone round her behaves, which is what most children do.

Thanks. Didn't understand it was parents' rules in your house but that makes sense and is certainly what I practise.

If you can’t beat them join them. When sitting with him send him some messages, emojis, jokes. Share funny YouTube clips.

There haven't been any complaints. In our case it is the parent's rules, and more importantly their behavior and that of other adults around them, plus friends whose parents have similar rules that mean there have been no complaints, because the children are merely conforming to the behaviour they see all around them.

Monica, help me, please? Does it run the risk of a GC saying 'oh I don't want to go there' when GPS house and rules become a pain? I respect the logic but wonder about ensuing consequences. That's all. Also my rules might include a very occasional sweet treat. An absolute no no from their parents. I comply, of course, but I do wonder about it.

I think that it is more than possible to control children's use of mobile phones and tablets. DGD started secondary school in September and got both. The family came down at Christmas, she clutching her phone and tablet, which she hardly used, except now and again to check info.

Her parents aren't forever on the phone or tablets and most of her friends come from families with similar attitudes.

Parents are adults and they are in charge and they should not expect their children to do something they do not do themselves. Example is everything.

GrandmaKT. I do think a 12 year old is too young to be left alone in the house for more than about 30 minutes or so. Back in the 1980s, my children were 14-15, before I would leave them alone . It is not whether they will behave themselves in the home when they are on their own, but whether they are capable of dealing with an emergency when it arises.