I’ve never really bonded much with one of my stepdaughters due to my witnessing how rude and entitled she was with her Dad before we were married. We have bailed her out financially multiple times and especially when she became pregnant as a single mother. When our grandchild was born she was taught that I was not her grandma and I am never tagged in any social media photos of her, however we have been expected to provide childcare and financial assistance to this child. Our granddaughter has been brought up on a diet of TV and video games and a constantly changing series of her Moms live in boyfriends. She is precocious, whiny, unable to focus on anything that doesn’t involve a screen and won’t even attempt to do any task that might prove slightly challenging. Mom doesn’t make her bathe and she is unkempt, with dirty clothing and quite frankly smells terrible. Whenever she stays with us we buy her new clothes, wash her other clothes, make her shower and brush her teeth and she sleeps in a clean bed. I am all for letting kids get messy and playing, but she honestly smells and looks like a homeless child most of the time (we have talked to her Mom about these issues, but she goes on the defensive and pleads poverty, but they eat at restaurants several times a week and seem to have plenty of money for wine and recreational activities). I want this child to have a good life and be successful and get a good education (we have a college fund for her), but it’s incredibly difficult and exhausting to actually be with a child who has no interest or focus in doing anything but watching TV and who is ill behaved, has attitude and needs constant supervision at 9 years old. The parenting I did with my own children is nothing like the parenting that my step-grandchild is getting, and as the step-mom I am not in a position to be able to speak frankly to her Mom. Her Mom grew up in a nice middle class environment with good and caring parents, but to me it almost seems that she is determined to downgrade her way of life instead of improving it for both herself and her child. I am finding it increasingly hard to enjoy spending time with her as I feel frustrated that any attempts to provide a more normal family environment and good role models for her are just wasted. I will try and steer her towards crafts, activities, nature walks, educational discussions etc., but all she does is run around the house going into our cupboards and drawers taking things that don’t belong to her, asking us to give her stuff constantly, taking food without asking and whining/crying until we put the tv on. Part of me just wants to give up because it’s exhausting and stressful, the other part of me feels guilty and concerned that she will end up being a burden on society, unsuccessful adult at best and who knows what else at worst.
