That's it then. Finito.

Understand you’ll be sad Lavazza but the upside is your son has managed to secure a job and is with his wife and child in their own home at last. Time and space now for everyone may well build bridges.

Thanks for update Lavazza. I wondered how things were going but from what you had posted previously it was unlikely the situation was going to improve. Hope they will get back in touch - it seems like you did a lot to help but didn’t get much appreciation.

The door was open to this young family when they arrived and remained open when they left - Lavazza upheld her healthy boundary, openly admitted that childcare wasn't established in advance - Highly doubt young mom suffered from an eating disorder - Possibly culture shock - Homesickness - Perhaps Me Donalds was the only thing that reminded her of home, that she was familiar with - Some grandparents jump at every chance to be with their grandchildren, some don't -- in which case a grandparent isn't to blame for caring only for the child - But in this case the entire family was welcomed- One can open their home to visitors only to find the visitors don't find it to their liking- And that's alright- Life goes on for both -

Stella what is your reasoning behind your sweeping statement ‘Chinese girls expect grandparents to look after their children’ have you lived in the Chinese culture ?
Families are extended much less fragmented than U.K. families,n so grandparents are always around to look after small children they do not use care homes the family cares for the old folk. The Chinese culture encourages hard work

Having followed your last long thread lavaz about this ‘dreadful’ daughter in law I would have thought that this situation is the best outcome for you all You were massively uncomfortable with the whole situation and made it obvious you did not want them in your house I would imagine the girl was feeling extremely unwelcome and has made the decision to go
It is sad your grandson has gone but you said in your last thread you had little connection with him anyway and in time hopefully it will increase
This outcome seems best all round and I hope the young family manage to make a good life after such a rocky start and perhaps in time you will be able to start a relationship with your son, daughter in law and his family

I felt incredibly sorry for your daughter in law in your last thread and I think she has acted very wisely to remove herself and child from where she very clearly wasn’t truely wanted she must have been very unhappy and confused being taken from her family, her support, her culture, her country and arrive with a family who you said yourself didn’t really want them in your home
I hope things settle down for all of you now

Unfortunately the clash of cultures has been painful for you. Chinese girls don't expect to look after their children - that's what grandparents are for in their culture. So she expected you to toe the line,and when you didn't, Pffft ! She is gone.

I do hope that she and your son can work things out - she can't expect to go and live in a different country but for things to be just like home.

Best wishes to you - you've certainly had an experience ! I hope it all works out and that you can see your family when the dust settles.

must have been very overwhelming for her to suddenly be in yur home with a different way of doing thingss and a different attitude .She may well have felt that you didn't want HER just the child and thats why she kept out of the way .Perhaps your son knoows more than he 's saying especially baout the food issues.if she was unsure about food on your table that may well be why she didn't attempt to eat it.
I would try to see it from her point of view,young..ish? with a small child ,transplanted to a different world full of strangers ,poor girl would have had nowhere to turn for support .IF you manage to get in touch with them please dont play the blame game ..no one wins and you will certainly lose out on your GS.Make sure she knows you thought you were doing what was best and that you wish she could have told you how she felt instead of retreating from you.I hope you get it srted and that you manage to salvage your relationship with her and your son .

Thanks so much. Yes she's Chinese and I didn't realise that she didn't expect to do any care for her own child before she came otherwise I would not have made them so welcome. They expected me to do all the childcare even though I work full time from home, but they didn't say this til they arrived. I assumed they were going to be sharing it as I work full time. She seemed to have a lot of resentment and also entitlement, but I tried to overlook it. My son seemed to pander to her and be a slave. I asked him a few times why they didn't share the childcare and he looked blank like he wasn't free to talk about it. I think she was punishing him because I was working. When he got a job I think thats why she decided to go back to China...

Im not sure about an eating disorder. It seemed rude because she'd be late to the table so either everyone's food would get cold or we'd lately started eating because fed up of cold food. She was eating elsewhere a lot of the time as I found Mcdonalds wrappers etc.

It has been lovely to see my Grandson, but sad they went. Id never met her or my Grandson before so I had no way of knowing what she was like. It's disappointing and sad, thanks!

I really do send you my heartfelt sympathies, it must feel similar to a bereavement.

Families cause an immense amount of stress. You don't give too much background, but is there a culture clash here, is your DiL Chinese? The other worry that occurred to me was whether she was suffering from anorexia or bulimia, if she wouldn't eat with you? Could she be seriously depressed?

Did you not discuss the child care arrangements as soon as she started staying in her room, it seems very strange behaviour, I would have wanted to know the reason, you would think her child would seek her out? What did your son think about this, he seems to have gone along with it, which leads me to think that she must be ill in some way.

As you say, there must be more to it, but I think I would just text your son saying you are worried about all three of them, and you are here for them if they need any help in any way.

Relationships with DiLs will always have an element of treading on eggshells, some much more than others, all you can do is bite back any criticism and keep communication open.

And please look after yourself too!