So worried

I hope you are doing well vi0let?

Summerlove - Thank you. A very positive view. I hadn't thought of it in that way!

Perhaps the fact that social services is NOT involved means it’s not as bad as violet fears? Wouldn’t that be a comfort!

Social services should be lending their support. They're not just there to whisk the children off but are there to add their support and to suggest parenting classes for misguided parents which they like them to attend and in doing so they themselves will get a picture of how life is like at home with the children.

I'm surprised that the SS haven't involved themselves since the teacher must have explained certain behaviours/ dress/ whether they get themselves ready for school/ whether they have to get their own meals/ how they appear in the morning, as because a child spends all day at school the teachers recognise these problems which is why they alert social services.

Violet, I am very pleased to hear that you aren’t interested in taking the children from their mother.

It would be concerning thinking that there is so much disruption going forward for them. All you can do is tell them how much you love them and that you’re only a text away.

Sorry I've not been on here for a few days. Just to clarify - I don't want the children to be taken away from their mum. Obviously I'll miss them when they move but I know I'll get used to it and there'll be visits. My concern is my daughter's chaotic & distant approach to parenting and the effect on the children. I think she needs support. I offer a lot of practical help (e.g. picking the children up from school) but won't be able to do so when they move and I'm worried about the children's well-being. By 'no permanent home' I mean they'll be living in a 1 bed flat they'll rent from a friend for a couple of months until they find a house to rent. When this happens the children will probably have to go to another new school - more disruption for them.

@MovingOn2018

Reacquaint yourself with the situation.

In this scenario you really think so unreasonable for posters to suggest social archives involvement and / or grandmother offering to have the children so they remain at their schools, with friends and routine?

*For example, she shows little affection, always seems angry with them, rarely takes them out, no routines, late for school everyday, lets them watch tv or play computer games until late at night. She's moving to be with boyfriend of 6 months. All very sudden. No schools, job, permanent home set up*

I think no one suggested the children were removed but could the grandmother have them while the mother and boyfriend got settled got a home set up and schools jobs etc

Wrong! Below are posts all from different posters stating otherwise. You don't call social services in hopes of their involvment preventing/delaiying their move OR placing grandma as a legal guardian to her daughters children, all for mom is moving on, and away with a new man and grandma's finding it difficult to cope. That's NOT what social services is there for. Children need their parents more than they need grandma.

Perhaps you can contact social services your end and ask them to contact the new areas team.

In your situation I'd be contacting the social services

Any chance of you having the children? - I hope Social Services are involved....... and it may well be that life with you is a much better option.

Could you suggest to your daughter that the girls stay with you so that she doesn’t have to go to the trouble of setting them up at new schools etc and really focus on her new relationship. “Sell” it to her like that?

Have the children’s school noted how the children have been going to school.

I would be asking if I could have the children.

It would be great if the children could live with you if possible.

Could the children stay with you while mum sorts out accommodation, schools and settles in? Otherwise suggest you contact Social Services

bluebelle People have suggested she get social services involved. To me, that’s not asking to keep them until the end of the school year. That’s suggesting that she keep them full-time.

I think no one suggested the children were removed but could the grandmother have them while the mother and boyfriend got settled got a home set up and schools jobs etc after the original post said no schools, jobs or permanent home set up
that’s where my thinking cane from anyway

Bluebelle, yes, I did.
I just didn’t see anything in it that required the children Being removed from their parent, and a lot of a grandparent talking about how they felt.
I understand the perspective, but grandparents need to support parents, not try to keep the grandkids when they dislike their parents choices.

If my parents or inlaws judged my parenting that way, and on the advice of friends called social services to prevent a move, or remove my children, I would no longer have a relationship with them, nor would my children while they were minors.

.....are people Really suggesting that because of grandmother doesn’t want her grandchildren to move she should call social services after them? Or that the kids should move in and be separated from their mother?

Yes they are. Very toxic mindsets.

I would say that things may not be as bad as you fear on practical front. You said “no permenant home set up? “But I am not sure what you mean? If it’s just that they are moving into rented accommodation, there is no reason to suppose that this won’t provide stability.
You mentioned schools, but I know from recent experience with DD 3 that you can’t make an application to the school until you have proof of the new address, so maybe they will make the application as soon as they move?
My daughter and partner split up just before Easter and she moved 120 miles. In the 2 weeks after the separation, we were able to find her a lovely house which she was able to move to and furnish (with the bits she didn’t bring with her from the old house) and got DGS into local school all within 3 weeks! it was hectic but worked out ok; maybe your daughter has got a plan and all will be well.
I get the worry about the relationship with the kids, but as someone else said being a single parent is incredibly stressful and difficult, so maybe she will be better with a partner to support her?

What a very strange post summerlove did you actually read the original post ?

I wouldn't hesitate to take them in. I hope things never get to that stage for their sake - they clearly love their mum. Trying to hold on to the thought that if she's happy she'll be a better parent.

Hmmm... I'm surprised no action was taken, unless the bf left.

If social services ever took the kids out of the home, would you be ready and willing to take them in?

Daughter's behaviour caused school to contact Social Services but no action taken. Also a previous relationship - vicious rows - neighbours called police.

@Vi0let

Concerning that SS involved in the past. Why?

Thanks for the update, Violet. My daughter is chaotic but for different reasons....she is a single parent with 2 teenagers putting a heavy pressure on her finances. I too worry about her....her ex doesn't contribute much.
I hope things will work out for your daughter and her little family. Be there if she needs you xx

If the attachment and love is clear to social workers then separating them from their mother would and should
be the very last result. Breaking that mother/child attatchment can massive negative effects on the child and severely damage their future outcomes.

Could the children stay with you while mum sorts out accommodation, schools and settles in? Otherwise suggest you contact Social Services

Could you sell the idea to your daughter - would she consider letting the children stay “on holiday” with you for now “while they are still at their current school” and until the start of the new school year in September?....to save disruption for them and make life easier for her?.....

Glad you’re ok violet & thank you for the update.
I hope things work out better than you feared, and that your granddaughters will want to maintain their relationship with you despite the distance.

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded with such amazing support and advice. I really hope that my daughter is happy with her new boyfriend and that this has a positive impact on the children. I will, of course, visit and have the children to stay in school holidays. Only met the boyfriend briefly - seems ok but as chaotic as my daughter. I've supported my daughter through all sorts of trouble and I know it's even more important now to maintain a good relationship. Social Services have been involved in the past so I think it's worth exploring that avenue. Lots to think about now. I've stopped crying and managed to get some sleep and now I'm trying to stay positive and really hope things work out for all of them. Thank you all again. I'll keep you posted.

".....are people Really suggesting that because of grandmother doesn’t want her grandchildren to move she should call social services after them? Or that the kids should move in and be separated from their mother? "

No. They're suggesting these things b/c the mother doesn't seem to really be invested in her children. Idc if she lets them stay up later than the op thinks they should or if she doesn't seem to have any set routines. But apparently, she's very cold to them, can't seem to get them to school on time (ok, not sure how the op knows that), etc. It certainly sounds as if she would welcome the chance to get them off her hands for a while.

Maybe not. Ime, even the mothers who seem most irresponsible can be very attached to (and yes, love) their children.

But while the gc are living close to the op, she can give them the love and support they may be lacking from their mother. If they move away, that won't be as easy to do. Hopefully, she can do it to some degree via today's technology. And Idk if she's ready to take on the raising of kids all over again. But, imo, it's the kids apparent need for emotional support that prompted the suggestions to ask if they could stay with her, etc., not the mere fact that she doesn't want them to move.