So worried

Violet, it must be a horrible situation for you. You are obviously computer-literate to be on here (!) so don't forget you can Skype or FaceTime your family too. That will at least allow you to see them and how the children are physically. and, as someone else has said, if your daughter is happy in -and supported by - her new relationship, things may improve. Hope all goes well for you all X

Have the GC said anything to you about this move and how they feel? Six months is an incredibly short time to make such a huge decision is there any chance of getting her to wait a bit - I guess not. I hope you are able to visit when they do go and can check up on the GC.

I feel for you ViOlette it must be a huge worry. Your daughter seems to allow a chaotic household one way and another but on the plus side, your grandchildren are surviving it.

The new boyfriend of only six months would ring alarm bells for me though. Very early days to move in together and so far from what they know. I hope he’s a nice man.

Could you have the children in term time?
My life was messed up when I was their age. We moved countries. I think I'd have preferred the stability of my school and friends and GM rather than the adventure we embarked on.
However children are remarkably resilient so I hope they will be fine.

A very sad and worrying situation as it stands without the extreme mileage that will add to it.
Unless there's proof of neglect/abuse there's very little that can be done from a legal point of view and all you can do as a grandmother is stay in touch with the children and suggest breaks to stay with you in term-times.

We have the long summer holidays with us soon so a good idea for arrangements then and perhaps you could pick up on their feelings about this situation, children freely volunteer on how they feel normally---happy/sad.

Any chance of you having the children?

My thinking is that in a new life with a new boyfriend they might be in the way and you would be the stable influence in their lives.

I hope Social Services are involved because both these youngsters are old enough to make their feelings known about this and it may well be that life with you is a much better option.

I hope it works out for them, it must be utterly heartbreaking for you.

I agree, it's very hard to watch this happen to your grandchildren. Unfortunately it sounds as if your DD would be treating the children badly no matter where she lived.

My sons's children were treated like this when he and his partner broke up - I used to drive for hours to visit them once each month, and I always found them dirty, unkempt, lacking in the most basic needs. It breaks my heart to think of it. In your situation I'd be contacting the social services, but be prepared ( as I was) to find that they children are not deemed to be badly enough treated for ss to get involved. Good luck.

Very worrying. Are social services already aware of the family? Your daughter isn’t trying to avoid them by moving? I’ve known a few people have done that. Attempting to stay one jump ahead. Perhaps you can contact social services your end and ask them to contact the new areas team. Perhaps being a little melodramatic but give then supply them with notelets with your info on the envelopes and ready stamped. Prepaid phone card so they can contact you if phones are confiscated. At least they are not babies or toddler who would be totally reliant. Hope things go better than you anticipate. Have you met the new boyfriend? Does he have a home they will be living in? Can you go up and stay nearby fairly regularly using groupon or similar deals.

Oh violet I can understand why you feel so upset and worried, though I’m afraid I have no constructive advice.
We can’t control our adult children’s lives and sometimes it’s very hard watching from the sidelines.
Do you know your daughter’s new partner? Will you be able to visit them?
You don’t know how things will develop. It may just turn out that if your D is happier in her new life, she may be a better parent to your DGC.