Bringing up baby to be multilingual

Farmor15 interesting our bilingual granchildren from the start always knew which language to use speaking to us ( English ) . They did not like anyone speaking French to them who did not have a proper French accent . Now at school they can do a bit of showing off during French leassons.

When we lived overseas there were several 'mixed' couples, where the child grew up with 3 languages. E.g. one parent speaking to them in German, the other in Greek, but parents talking to each other in English.

There were other 3 language mixes,too.
The children would often muddle them up for a year or two, but would sort them out eventually.
It's a great advantage for any child to grow up multilingual IMO.
Conversely, dds have friends whose 'other' parent didn't talk to them in their own language (Norwegian, Arabic, Vietnamese) and they're really cross with that parent for not giving them that advantage, when it's so much harder to learn a language later..

My children are trilingual, as am I. They had Spanish with their father, English with me and Catalan at school. XgrandtanteJE65, I have to disagree with you, regarding the third language (not spoken at home) being the weaker one. If anything, it is the strongest in this house, as the children use it at school, where they spend most of their waking hours, and with their friends.
Regardless, they all even out in the end. Truth is, any language which is learned before the age of seven and which is in continual use, will be a mother tongue.

Having had to learn languages the slow, tedious academic way I've always envied those with the opportunity to pick it up more naturally. I wasn't aware though of that potential downside, polyester. for your inner child.

My daughter in law is Japanese. Both my grandsons are bilingual and speak English and Japanese. It’s amazing to hear them especially the youngest age 3. Its excellent that parents encourage this. Thankfully they are able to converse with me I would find it extremely difficult if they didn’t speak English.

Nonnie - your post about grandchildren thinking grandparents are stupid, reminded me about our half-Swedish GD. Her mother always spoke to her in Swedish, but father in English She understands English perfectly but up to now (3 1/2) mostly speaks Swedish to us, which of course we understand little. When we don’t respond correctly, she repeats more loudly, as if we were deaf! On a recent visit, she started to figure out that we weren’t completely stupid and used a bit of English.
Interestingly, her younger brother actually speaks more English - seems to ‘get it’ that he can reply to Dad and us in English.

nonnasusie my mother in law wouldn't DH learn Italian (why did she marry an Italian?) He always regretted it once we started travelling to Italy.

DD has a colleague working in Italy and married to a French woman. Their children speak English, French or Italian, depending who they are talking to. One of my GSs is learning Hungarian from his mother.

Research has shown that children who are multilingual learn better. Assuming the child will go to nursery by the age of 1 it will learn German there and when it starts to speak to its parents in German they will be able to answer in the same language. If at home each parent uses their own language they will soon understand both.

There will be a time when the child thinks that the grandparents are stupid because they don't understand and will give you questioning looks! Eventually they will realise that said stupid GPs only understand English and will very patient with them. Enjoy.

My DH's ex wife wouldn't let him speak Italian to their children and now neither of them can speak it much! Such a wasted opportunity! His neices and nephews in America and Canada swap from English to Italian easily! We know many Italians in Britain whose children learned most of their English at school and they are doing well!
Many years ago I was on holiday in with my parents and the family that owned the apartment were mixed nationality. The husband was scandanavian ( can't remember what) the mother was British and they lived in Italian speaking Switzerland. Their son could speak all 3 languages and switched from one to another with ease and he wasn't very old! I was very envious at the time!!

Right from birth my DIL spoke French to their DC and their dad spoke English. Even from very young they seemed to know which language to use and it is a great joy they can converse with all thier French speaking relatives. Their cousins ( brought up the same ) have moved to Spain and are learning Spanish. THe youngest one is picking it up so easily and the others not far behind.

And one important point which Polyester has pointed out: Give them roots!!!!!

Mine are bilingual and bicultural but as they are scattered all over the world, I like to think that we brought them up confident that they have an identity and a place they can call "home" here in the Palatinate.

Where to start? Well, everyone else has already said the main things - I am a militant bilingual parent and think that anyone who doesn't speak their mother tongue to the fruit of their loins should be severely punished. Especially if they don't have a good command of the language they are using in its place.

My children were raised speaking English and German, and they are carrying on the tradition. Having two languages from the start has made it easier for them to pick up other languages and they all have a working knowledge of French and Spanish and, thanks to Erasmus, one even mastered quite a bit of Turkish.

In the early 80s, when they were little, I was fortunate enough to find half a dozen other expat mothers in my area and we started a playgroup. We found a church hall and once a week, taking it in turns to plan the morning, we played traditional games, read stories, sung nursery rhymes and did different activities to cover all sorts of vocabulary.

Although with DS1 it took until he was 16 before he actually replied in English to me, not until any of my DS married did I speak a word of German to them - and now I only do so if I am addressing them and their wives as a couple. (I have always spoken to the DiLs in German.)

The DGS, of course, I speak English with.

What I find impossible is to speak to someone in a different language from the one I am used to. For example, I couldn't speak to my DH in English. It would be like speaking to someone else.

One of our playgroup had an Italian husband and the children managed the three languages easily.

Thank you so much everyone. Everything you say makes a lot of sense and is along the lines we were thinking regarding family speaking in their own language. Hopefully he will be exposed to a lot of German too.... That may require a little more effort but will be worth it.
Is quite an exciting prospect.

my son lives in Portugal and is married to a lovely Portuguese girl, their daughter has always heard both languages as a matter of course, obviously she uses Portuguese mostly, but she is spoken to in both languages at home and when we go to visit. She has managed very well and even tells her English teacher when she is wrong (not a good idea) she is also learning Spanish, they absorb everything so much quicker when they are young and it will be second nature for her eventually.
My other granddaughter lives in Somerset, no idea what she is saying (joke).

Google "one parent one language"
Its a popular method with bi/tri lingual babies/toddlers.

The idea is that adults dont switch. She would speak only Romanian to him, dad would speak only English to him. Preschool teachers speak only german to him.

Grandparents only speak their mother tongues to the child etc

I had the same experience as silverlining but regret that I didn't learn my mother's native language. My father thought it would confuse us.

My daughter was two when we moved to Spain - she was in Spanish nursery from 2. We spoke only English at home and she learnt her Spanish at School.
She’s now just about to have a baby and she will talk in English and her OH will speak to baby in Spanish. Baby’s just get it (fingers crossed)

Very young children seem to have an innate ability to learn two or three different languages simultaneously without ever getting confused.

We once spent several hours on a flight where we couldn't help hearing the conversation between two passengers behind us. It was obvious that they were a mother and a quite young child. It was a strange conversation, with each of them speaking a different language (English and Finnish) but with no hesitation so it was clear that they were both perfectly fluent in both languages but just spoke in the one they preferred.

Not personally, but a lot of professional & wider family experience, as well as being brought up in a community where lots of kids were bi-lingual.
Giulia - the advice you give was very common and well grounded. However, many parents I knew found it difficult to follow in the bustle of family life. What seems to work better for some is to be clear about the situation in which each language is used. The commonest I know is something like:
Mum: French; Dad: Spanish. Family speak English when guests are present and when talking about school or community events. When discussing a film or a book, use the relevant language. They may also say 'Today is a French day' or something similar.
One family I knew, where mum deeply wanted her child to know the Gaelic (whilst living in England with dad only speaking English) decided that when on her own she would talk in Gaelic. English when anyone else was present, and never as a 'private' language.
What these methods are aiming for is to minimise confusion. Some is inevitable - most young multi-lingual kids will pause for a beat as they process the language. But avoiding the 'alphabet soup' of not knowing which language is spoken is helpful. However, do expect that they sometimes will forget which language is which!

In development terms, broadly, multi-lingual kids tend to be slightly slower with their spoken language, but are fine with their understanding. Usually settles out by about 5-6, although they will occasionally make understandable slips of grammar or word order. I have a Welsh friend who every so often says something in English, but in 'Welsh order'! Should any concern rise about development (hope not!) ensure that assessments are done by workers who appreciate this.

Many British people forget that most of the world is multi-lingual, and that a large number of British children are also bi-/multi-lingual. I hope that you will end up with a bit of 'nursery German' as well!

Tri-lingual here, English with a big bit of Scots thrown in. French, Flemish and a smattering of Portuguese too.
Just spoken naturally within family and friends.

My two grandchildren are being brought up trilingual and there´s no problem whatsoever, not even being late in learning to read and write. Mum speaks one language, dad another and the language of the country they live in is the third. It does help, however, that the parents´ languages are quite similar so neither parent feels left out when their partner is speaking to the children and is able to respond. You say that your son and his wife both speak each other´s language, so this should be OK. It must be quite difficult when one is speaking Italian and the other Mandarin (for example) and they don´t understand each other. I should mention a problem this does bring up, however, and that is Third Culture Kids (look it up on the internet and there is also a very good book called just that). It refers to children being brought up in one country, speaking different languages, they grow up on the outside very confident and able to talk to anyone, but inside they don´t quite know who they really are. I should know, I was one of them, when I was reading the book, I had tears rolling down my face.

Bilingual or multilingual children are sometimes slower to start talking, but once they do, they talk as well as other children their age.

Three languages should not cause problems.

To the advice already given I would add that it is important to make sure that the child knows the same words and concepts in all three languages. Insist that the child answers in the language he is addressed in, otherwise you have no real way of knowing how good his vocabulary is in it.

However, I doubt the child will be as fluent in German as in the other two languages unless there is someone in the household who speaks German to him. Perhaps the parents would consider a set time for speaking German?

Something along the lines of "We all speak German when we are with people who don't speak Romanian or English".
Their German friends should be asked to play along with not understanding English.

I have one son in Spain. At school the children are taught in Spanish and Valenciana. At home they speak English. Works fine for the children who are thriving, but son rarely goes out, and uses the children to talk for him, even when entering a restaurant, so his Spanish is not improving!

Children are very adaptable. Just speak to them in any language that comes naturally and the child will soon sort it all out. Being bi or trilingual is a wonderful advantage and helps the brain to develop pathways it wouldn't otherwise get.

Wish my mum had spoken to me in her native language but times were different then. I speak it now but very badly with many mistakes because am self taught, so an opportunity missed. Agree with everyone so far, children soak language up, go for it.