Grandkids dad has become raging alcoholic

Hi, this situation is awful and really cannot continue for the children. Your DSD needs to leave, be brave and leave, sounds like she’d have yours and your wife’s support. In the UK we can get police and social services involved. Also, an injunction served for him to stay away. Wishing you all the luck in the world. You’ve made the first step on here, now wear brave pants and do the rest x

I think you do need to report this situation.

The sad reality is that it's not easy to leave an abusive partner and it isn't entirely your DSD's fault.

Many abused women have multiple issues trying to leave, especially if there are children involved. In many jurisdictions she may not be able to simply walk out the door with the children, as this may be considered parental abduction. Conversely, if she leaves and doesn't take the children, in some jurisdictions she is considered to have abandoned the family and her partner could seek sole custody. She may have beloved pets that her partner has threatened to harm if she leaves. She may have limited access to money and support. It's quite possible that he won't allow her to work, so she has limited means to support herself. Some abuse survivors are simply so beaten down that they don't believe themselves that they have the personal qualities and inner strength to leave.

There is also, sadly, a very real possibility that the abuse will escalate if she tries to leave. This is not a theoretical risk; it is well-documented. In some cases the abuse becomes homicidal if the survivor tries to leave. She may simply believe that as bad as things are, it's better to stay with him because she knows where she stands and she doesn't have to face the unknown.

"There is also, sadly, a very real possibility that the abuse will escalate if she tries to leave. This is not a theoretical risk; it is well-documented. In some cases the abuse becomes homicidal if the survivor tries to leave. "

That's why I always think a woman should leave quietly, when her H isn't home, and not let him know she's going beforehand. Also, she should have a safe place to go to where there are people who can and will protect her if he finds out where she is and follows her.

I don't see where the OP's SIL has committed physical abuse, however, though I realize verbal/emotional abuse can be just as frightening for a woman. And, of course, it could escalate to physical abuse if she let him know she was leaving, which she may worry about.

I can only reiterate what others have said. The children are the top priority here, and must be protected.

It is very difficult for anyone not in the situation to understand why a woman doesn't leave an abusive relationship, even when there are children, and agnurse has summed it up very well.

I wonder - has anyone ever recorded the father when he is in full flow? Maybe if he was shown a video recording, or audio recording of what he sounds like, it may be a wake up call (although it does sound unlikely from what you've said) as to how terrifying it is for young children to witness.

Has anyone spoken to the children's schools about the home situation? Schools in the UK are very proactive about child protection and can implement all kinds of measures to help and support the mother and/or the children. In your situation though, it sounds as though the mother isn't ready to acknowledge the situation and seek/accept support, so it's down to the adults/professionals to take steps.

I strongly believe that the adults in this scenario need to forget about "what happens to me if I . . . . " and just do something to protect those children. "So what" if your stepdaughter "kills you" for reporting to Child Protection Services? You say - "most of his abuse is verbal abuse along with all the yelling, cursing, and complaining. You can see how its affecting these girls, he's a large intimidating man, I can only imagine the nightmares the girls must have about him, he really is a monster to them." And yet you still hesitate to do anything to safeguard them

Not knowing how things work in terms of child protection in the USA, it's hard for us to give specific advice. But to be harsh - doing nothing, knowing what you know, is tantamount to colluding with the father in the abuse of the vulnerable young children.

Please, do something