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Grandkids don’t seem to like me + hubs isn’t into grandparenting

(57 Posts)
Simplelife Mon 10-Jun-19 02:31:31

Hi, first post. Hubs and I have 5 grandkids, 3 with his 2 daughters and twins with my son. I’ve got 2 issues: 1) My beautiful 3 year old grandsons, in the past year, have gone off me. I see them a few times a week usually in the roll of helping my busy DIL by taking them to daycare so she can get to work when my son is working shift work. This is killing me because I adore them. (The other 3 are no problem, always hanging off my legs and excited to see me). The twins run to all the other grandparents super excited but run away from me at times. I’ve been in tears so many times I’m wondering if this rejection is good for me. Am I spending too much time helping dil instead of being the fun nanny? Are they associating me with having to go to daycare, etc? 2) Second issue is painful. Hubs is just not that in to grandparenting. He loves all the kids and they all adore him but he acts annoyed if I want us to spend time with the grandkids. I want us to be doting grandparents and he just doesn’t want that. This is a big one for me and has me very torn. Sometimes I feel single. We are together more than 20 years and are not married. Advice?

annep1 Wed 12-Jun-19 05:48:42

Ngaiol what's wrong with "Hubs"??
I use hubby sometimes.

sodapop Wed 12-Jun-19 08:34:21

Just a personal thing I expect Annepl I dislike 'hubby' and 'hubs' as well but each to their own of course.

annep1 Wed 12-Jun-19 08:47:06

To be honest I suppose although I use it now and again I'm not that keen on it myself (doesn't make sense I know). But I don't think it would stop the gc liking her.

notanan2 Wed 12-Jun-19 10:10:18

Issue no2 will affect issue no1!

You have an ideal in your head, a preconception of what you think grandparenting should be, and the reality isnt matching so you are trying to force it to

Kids are astute and pick up on emotions. They will sense this fruatration and disappointment in you

Let go of the "dream" and embrace and enjoy the reality. The children will respond better to you if you relax and enjoy what IS not what you hoped it would be

Starlady Wed 12-Jun-19 11:59:50

Hmmm... I doubt that the 2 issues are related at all except that they both show that the OP isn't fully happy w/ her GP experience right now.

Simplelife, I definitely think the twins see you as the-GM- who-takes-us-to -Daycare or, more likely, they just associate the other GPs w/ more fun memories. IDKY this should be a problem though if they enjoy their Daycare. Have you mentioned this to DS and DIL?

Perhaps you could do something to make your trip to Daycare more fun. But I would check w/ DS and DIL first before taking them anywhere but where you're supposed to.

Regardless, chances are their feelings/behavior will change in time. No worries.

As for DH, I don't see how you can change his attitude. IMO, you need to consider seeing the grands on your own sometimes if that's possible (besides taking the twins to Daycare).

alchemilla Wed 12-Jun-19 14:37:49

OP I would just take a step back and not be over invested in the current behaviour. My DM looked after my DC (involving taking time off her job and swopping homes for two days and a night because she lived in London where I needed to be for long hours) and my DC associated her at that point with me leaving and were difficult. She didn't panic or cry or let them know how distressed she was. She didn't try to bribe them to love her. Two years later she was their favourite person because she was interesting, interested in them and kind and thoughtful.