This topic and questions have been brewing in my mind for some time - would love to hear from Grans on this site...
Our adult D lives very close by and has 3 kids, our GKs are now aged 10, 7 and 5. Until about a year and a half ago, D's life was very tough and unsettled with her quite serious health issues and marriage almost breaking up, as well as trying to hold down a demanding job as a corporate lawyer including a difficult commute.
During this whole period we acted as back-up parents and were VERY involved in the kids' daily life. It was exhausting but became the focus of my life, despite having my own busy career and active social life.
It was more difficult for H due to his depression and generally lower level of engagement with the kids, but we managed.
Fast forward to today and her life is much much better. Her health is better, her marriage too, and she's negotiated a working from home arrangement so she doesn't have the stress of the commute.
All good, right?
So why I am feeling this way?
I feel bereft - I guess I am now a "normal" Grandmother, not a replacement Mum, and there are definitely advantages to that! But I miss the kids, the daily involvement, and feel like I've been put back in my place as a Grandmother.
I used to know everything that was going on in the kids' life, but now I am much more removed from it.
I know this is all good, but I find myself trying to negotiate more time with them and D pushing back on me. I understand - from her perspective she needs to re-establish the boundaries!
Added issue is that H is up and down like a yoho and I think I have used the kids as a replacement source of joy in my life when things with him are so difficult.
Anyway sorry for the venting - but if anyone has any suggestions of how to fix my hear, I'd love to hear!
Philippa60 Wed 26-Jun-19 10:30:23
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