Grandson (12) stealing something from my bag then lying about it

I stole a doll from a friend’s house when I was a little girl, my friends mother obviously realised it was me, and contrived a way to get it back without involving my parents.

She spoke to me about it, but not unkindly, I remember her kindness, and I don’t think I ever stole anything again.

Just forget it.

next time . dont give them the option of helping their selves.your bag is private.you could have a hunt the chocolate game.my gs is a magpie....several things have ended up in his pockets.i make a game of it .saying i thought i had something .but all knowing i know he has taken it.he's only 7...and i say you know what happens to little boys that take things without asking?. no he says ,well says me he doesnt get any next time.problem solved..i would cook him his special meal...be wise ,and not have anything chocolate or otherwise in your bag. infact put your bag away from prying eyes..

As a parent I would want to know, so I side on tell them.

I’d still cook the promised meal though

What a storm in a tea cup. You teased him in the first place so he helped himself. Let it go. It's not worth the hassle.

Can I just comment that actually I remember about 11 or 12 taking coppers from my mum's purse and sneaking biscuits from the tin (they were about the only sweet thing around). I stopped when I felt happier.
trisher I agree about the part about feeling happier. It's a very anxious time for this age group, new schools, new peer groups to get used to.
I don't think, if handled correctly in the way most posters have said, that it will become a bigger issue at all. It's been dealt with, best to move on now.

I would still cook him the steak and chips but the next time you go to his house I would not take him any chocolate. Give it to the other two and if he comments simply say you had two bars the last time. Last time you went one of the other children missed out or they had to share and only have one finger each. Give them an extra bar to share. I would leave it to him to complain to his parents....or not.....as he chooses to do.

I dont agree with the posters about the teasing not being good. Its something you have been doing some time and its obvious that the kids know that there actually is chocolate. And at 7 and 12 they are ild enough to know that there is chocolate for later and to wait!!

I agree with Oopsminty. Competely.

I have a grandson of 12 and a granddaughter of 7.... its the opposite to yours . The boy is an open book.... the little girl is a minefield if contrariness. I you’ve spoken to him... you know what he did and he knows. Leave it. But one more lie from him and straight to parents. Luckily the only dilemma I e had like this was when grandson took a toy from school when he was 5 ... it was in his uniform pocket when he changed after school one day. I questioned him and he said he just wanted it. I explained the reason why he needed to take it back the next day and he did. I didn’t tell parents. He trusted me completely after that and as far as I know has never repeated the misdemeanour. But I realise 5 and 12 year olds are at totally different stages of development.... lying can become a nasty habit at that age ,especially if they are not ‘caught out’. Let’s hope your grandson has learnt his lesson. Perhaps less teasing (from you (which I abhor) ...... will make some difference.

Look, you have done the right thing asking him about the missing chocolate, then asking his sister, so leave it at that.

By now his parents may well know, little sister may quite innocently have said something about it.

Next time you visit hand over the chocolate to each child when you arrive and keep your handbag near you.

Before going to their house, make absolutely sure you know how much is in your purse, because a child who steals may well be tempted to take money. You could prevent that by keeping your purse in your pocket.

If he steals from you again, tell him that you feel forced to mention the matter to his parents, but give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being. You've caught him out and he knows it, so forget the matter and cook the steak and chips you have promised him when he comes.

Have you or his parents any idea why he steals? It is not normal teenage behaviour and sounds to me like a cry for attention.

Chat over the chips and steak about school and friends and see if he hints that there is anything bothering him.

Unless there is a bigger issue by eating an extra chocolate- issues with his teeth, health issues, behavioural problems, I would let it go, sounds like normal child behaviour.

Teasing a child with something they like and they may not get enough at home is not a good policy.
What do his parents think about candy? How often do they get it?

I am glad you are cooking him his favourite meal, steak and broccoli is healthy!
Punishing him not giving him what he requested is teaching him food is a weapon.

So unless this is part of the bigger picture, let it go.

Don't tell the parents. You and he know that he stole the chocolate - he's been caught and all kids would deny taking it. Keep enjoying your lovely time with your grandchildren - they will grow up so fast.

Also, although I agree from what you say that it was your grandson who took the chocolate, you can't prove it.

If you say anything over a bar of chocolate, you could risk a row with your son, DIL and lose your relationship with your grandchildren.

I think I'd tread carefully.

If he'd taken money, it would be different.

Yes, I know stealing is stealing but, somehow, I feel there is a difference psychologically.

Don't tell his parents this time. Give him the steak. Remove temptation by not allowing the grandchildren to go into your handbag.

I know you didn't mean to trap your grandson but what has happened is pretty much entrapment - like leaving a £20 note in an office drawer deliberately to catch out the cleaner! I know someone who did that.

TwoAM is peak time for worrying about small problems, isn't it? Several have surfaced in new threads this morning.

If you give him something different for his meal or don’t let him have any chocolate because “he already had two” then you might as well just tell him to his face that you think he is a liar and you don’t believe him. Personally I think that would do him more harm than letting him have his steak and chocolate. Maybe he did do it but he now knows you are suspicious. Please let it be. The boy needs your love.

I’m totally with Bluebelle, a complete over reaction, please let it go.

having said my piece, told him that we would not mention it again.

That's your answer, I'm afraid.

Is it worth all the hassle over a chocolate bar if it had been twenty pounds from your purse , then it would be a different matter . Don't let the other children miss out , hand them there chocolate when you get there . Then everybody gets there share . I would be inclined to let it slide this time but drop it in a conversation how you can't abide people with sticky fingers .

Thinking about this again, your grandson could have though he wasn't exactly stealing. After all that chocolate bar was for him eventually.
When youngest daughter was about 6 she came home from school pushing a doll's pram. It had been outside someone's house. I tried to explain to her that the pram belonged to another little girl, so she couldn't have it and we took it back.
For her, that was the start of learning what stealing means - don't take what belongs to someone else. So as I said earlier Probably Grandson regarded the chocolate as his anyway. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just explain.

does the school have a councillor
You obviously don't have a lot of dealings with 12 yr old children. Hilarious ?

I can just imagine that scenario at my grandsons school.
Councillor: ^ oh, hang on, I've just got to deal with the drug dealing in the school and at the school gates. The pondlife who pulled a knife on another boy so I'm afraid your problem with (maybe) stealing a bar of chocolate will have to wait^

My MIL used to tempt and tease the kids like that. Not nice, sorry.

Crikey, mountains out of molehills I think!

He knew that you have treats in your bag, even asked you about it. OK, maybe he took one and then lied about it. He didn't want you to think badly of him. Please let it go! Don't tell his parents. He's only 12. There is also a very tiny chance that his sister actually DID take it!

Children need to realise stealing is a crime. Best thing to do is not take chocolate for a while. This should sink in with your GS as he'll realise it's his fault. If it happens again I'd tell the parents.

There is often an extra burden on eldest DC. I am glad you are resolving this and cooking him his favourite meal.

My DC would not like me bringing sweets when I visit so I don't. Books every time!