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Bittersweet first Grandchild

(145 Posts)
DillytheGardener Wed 18-Dec-19 11:38:35

DS told me today that he and dil are expecting their first child. They won’t be with us this Christmas and move to Dils home country mid Jan.
I congratulated them both of course and was very excited but this is tempered with the fact I will be a long distance Gran.
No advice needed really, just sad. Very sad that brexit meant both my children will emigrate and I’ll miss out on so many moments.
I know there is social media and FaceTime etc, but my whole family and DH family, generation after generation we have all grown up on the same few streets...

Teetime Wed 18-Dec-19 11:41:32

Congratulations! How lovely for you and its sad for us long distance Grans but never know what life will bring- I hope you get to see the baby lots and lots.

inkcog Wed 18-Dec-19 11:43:15

Sorry dilly, why are they emigrating post Brexit?

crazyH Wed 18-Dec-19 11:43:25

I know it's sad - I married and left home to move overseas. My poor mother practically brought up my oldest daughter. It must have broken her heart to see us move thousands of miles away. But she waved us goodbye, with tears ofcourse, but knew we we were leaving for a better future.
All the best !!

GrannyLaine Wed 18-Dec-19 11:50:47

Many congratulations DillytheGardener, what lovely news for you. My own children's grandparents lived quite a distance away and it made the relationship between them very special. We saw them as often as we were able, shared holidays and the children stayed with them from an early age. I think they all got much more out of the relationship than if they had lived closer.

DillytheGardener Wed 18-Dec-19 11:58:29

inkcog my children are in very different professions, younger son is a city worker and his company has moved it’s base out of London to an EU country as many businesses in that field have. The few jobs left are very insecure so he’s moving to Canada where there are plenty of jobs in his field and great pay and lifestyle.
Oldest son and dil both work in the arts, and their work is funded by eu grants, the Tory government has slashed funding for the arts so there are no new avenues for funding for them. They are both moving to a country on the other side of the world. (Don’t want to give too much identifiable info on here)
I doubt either will ever come back, the countries are beautiful, great schools and lifestyle.
Many of my friends children are moving post brexit, to South Africa, NZ, Canada and Australia. We are all heartbroken and all voted for brexit. It’s a hard situation as if we complain the kids just say, mum you voted for this!

GrandmaMoira Wed 18-Dec-19 12:23:22

Dilly, I'm sorry your DC are moving so far away. I know other people who have lost jobs, including close family, like your family due to Brexit. This is one of the expected results from Brexit and one of the reasons I find it difficult to understand why people voted for it.

inkcog Wed 18-Dec-19 12:36:37

Oh Gosh, Dilly, I see your difficulties.

cornergran Wed 18-Dec-19 12:50:48

Mixed emotions for sure dilly. Congratulations on the news, it is wonderful news, and a hug if you feel sad.

GrandmaKT Wed 18-Dec-19 13:11:36

Good heavens! Knowing your children's situations, can I ask why on earth you voted for Brexit?

Bellanonna Wed 18-Dec-19 13:11:38

Congratulations Dilly but I do understand your sadness.
Yet another negative facet of Brexit. I hope you will have some nice visits to look forward to and lots of FaceTime exchanges.

DillytheGardener Wed 18-Dec-19 15:06:47

Thank you all for being so kind. grandmakt my children did warn me about the impact, but tbh I discounted it at the time. I didn’t realise much of the money paid in went back into programs throughout the U.K.
I just can see how each new milestone I miss out on in the flesh is going to hurt, first born, first steps, first words. I’ll see them in video, but there is nothing like baby cuddles and the next generation at family milestones and events

BlueBelle Wed 18-Dec-19 15:50:21

We are all heartbroken and all voted for Brexit how on earth did you not know this would be the way forward If the reason we are in this hideous pickle is because people discounted it as not being a problem at the time God help us I don’t mean to have a go dillythegardener but this country is broken into fragments because people didn’t think or bother to find out
And sorry to say your kids are right you did vote for it and have lived to regret it a hard thing to live through and hard for all of us to be dragged into this hideous turmoil
I m sorry I really am because no it isn’t the same, I m a long distance Nan NZ and Europe (nothing to do with a Brexit long before that) and you just have to get on with it, visit when you can, there’s nothing else to it
What a big shame and I really am sorry I haven’t been as gentle as the others on here I was about to write a really empathic post until you added your part in it all I still do feel empathic towards you, but puzzled and frustrated too

elastic Wed 18-Dec-19 15:56:24

This is just so sad. Really sorry Dilly. sad

Riverwalk Wed 18-Dec-19 16:00:27

I know a number of people like Dilly who regret voting out, and by the same token know outers who don't regret it and would do so again.

We all have to live with our political decisions but it must be hard on those who are immediately and directly affected by a regretted vote.

Brexit has thrown up a lot of problems for many families with ties to the EU either through work or marriage - I doubt if Brexiteers gave them a second thought.

GrandmaKT Wed 18-Dec-19 17:08:33

I do sympathise Dilly, I have a baby grandson in NZ. We get lots of photos and videos and are off for cuddles next month! It must be even worse for you if your family have always lived close together; we have always been widespread.

Regarding voting for Brexit, I know one family where the son works in the city and is having to move his company to Germany now and his mother voted for Brexit because she was annoyed that the EU had outlawed powerful vacuum cleaners!

DillytheGardener Wed 18-Dec-19 17:57:06

grandmakt how do you communicate with your grandchild during the year? Do you send many things? Was he born in NZ and if so did you feel involved?
I would like to feel included with photos etc but I’m wary of overstepping the mark as I have been a bit too much in the past and I’m very thankful for my fellow gransnetters for steering my ship safely through all the changes in dynamics in my family.
I think we could afford a yearly visit to both sons, although thinking I may visit the elder son twice next year to see dil whilst pregnant and then see baby once he or she is born.

GrandmaKT Wed 18-Dec-19 18:40:45

My Dil is very good at sending photos and videos. We talk online about once a fortnight. My DGS is 9 months old now and so has only just started taking an interest when his parents talk to us. We were really lucky to be there for the birth last year, and we will be over there for 4 months this year, so lots of bonding time! I'm sure that as he gets older we will send him little gifts throughout the year and communicate online. To be honest, we will be seeing more of him than my other 2 GC, who live in the UK but 300 miles away. It's not easy, but knowing that your DC have a good life and are bringing up their children in a good place helps enormously.

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Riverwalk Wed 18-Dec-19 20:17:14

Why would it be a fake post?

Dilly is a long-term poster.

Hithere Wed 18-Dec-19 21:38:07

Regarding brexit- you reap what you sow.
It is hard to believe brexiters voted for something without taking into account the consequences of the such a drastic change and now some of them are not happy these changes are happening- too bad so sad.

"I think we could afford a yearly visit to both sons, although thinking I may visit the elder son twice next year to see dil whilst pregnant and then see baby once he or she is born."
I hope your sons and dil are ok with this plan

BradfordLass72 Wed 18-Dec-19 21:42:23

Try not to be too negative DillytheGardener - you never know what's in teh future.

When your children are settled, there's the possibility of visits and my own mother sold her home and came out to me permanently at 73 years old.

Farmor15 Wed 18-Dec-19 23:11:42

It is possible for children to have a good relationship with grandparents, even if far away. Our children’s grandparents lived in India. They managed a few visits to us over the years, and my husband brought some of our children to India a few times, before we could all go.

Somehow they got on better with Indian grandmother than with my mother, whom they saw more often. And this despite no Skype, phone calls or presents being sent. Seeing them in person every year or so, for a few weeks at a time was sufficient for a good relationship, which strengthened as our children became adults and chose to visit their grandparents independently.

Witzend Wed 18-Dec-19 23:23:50

We lived abroad, a 7 1/2 flight from the U.K., until dds were 10 and 7. But funnily enough, since dds and I spent at least a month back in the UK each summer, staying with both sets of GPs, and given that both sets of GPs came and stayed with us more than once, they probably saw more of them in total than they did of UK Gdcs who lived quite a distance away.

Must be different if you've always had all the family close by, though - it must be very hard, OP.
My own family was always scattered though, never had any GPs, aunts, uncles or cousins anywhere very near.